DEAR HARRIETTE: I work at a small stone company. Recently, I've been noticing my receptionist has been slacking. She forgets appointments, doesn't answer every phone call and doesn't forward emails or calls. I know it is time to fire her, but I've never had to do this. I've held my position for only a year, and I don't know what to do. I read online that you can either tell the employee a white lie to make it easier or just be completely honest while firing someone. Should I let her down easy or tell her the truth? I don't want her to resent me forever. -- You're Fired, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR YOU'RE FIRED: I think you have skipped a step. Before firing your receptionist, you must talk to her. Point out that you have noticed a change in her behavior. Provide the list of incidents that have caused you concern. Ask her what is going on with her.

When people's behavior changes significantly, it is often an indication of personal challenges or conflicts. Ask your receptionist what she thinks is causing her to slip up on the job. Follow up with asking her whether she wants to keep her job. If the answer is yes, give her a 30 to 90-day probationary period with a list of expectations that she is to meet in order to keep her job. After the probationary time, if she has not improved, then you can fire her.

As far as truth-telling goes, I always believe you should tell an employee the truth so that the person can learn. By offering to support her through this period, you also guard against some negative feelings, although that cannot be your goal as a boss.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in the same area as a lot of my family. My cousins and siblings have started to have children of their own and have called upon the rest of us to baby-sit occasionally. Being the youngest of the bunch, I never grew up around younger people -- everyone was older.

I hate baby-sitting my new little cousins. I don't know what to do with them; it's not like they can make conversation! I feel like I have to be so careful with toddlers, and I can't really incorporate them into my day-to-day activities. For example, I'll want to walk my dog, but the kid doesn't and cries on the floor because it wants television. I feel like I'm not doing anything wrong, I just want to have the kids do what I want to do. I'd feel like a bad family member if I refused to look after kids, but they put a total damper on my day because I can't do anything with them. -- Not Super-Nanny, Atlanta

DEAR NOT SUPER-NANNY: Start by asking the parents for suggestions on how to entertain their children. Learn about the children's personalities and unique preferences. When you do agree to watch them, accept the reality that your focus should be on them, not on your desires. When you need them to do something with you, speak with authority and ask for their support. Walking the dog can be fun if you invite them to participate.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Going on dates with my boyfriend has turned into a chore. We always do the same dinner or same movie theater. I have suggested doing an active date, and he always wonders why we can't just get dinner instead. He doesn't want to go on dates that are out of his comfort zone. This can't be about money, because I could pay for rock climbing or kayaking. We could even make food and have a picnic in the park!

How do I get my boyfriend out of the habit of thinking dates can only be dinner or a movie? I want some spontaneity in life! -- Let's Explore, Denver

DEAR LET'S EXPLORE: Stop calling your ideas "dates." Instead of replacing dinner or the movies, invite him to do other things. Talk to him about your interests, and learn about his. Find out what he enjoyed doing as a child, and share your childhood memories. In general, learn about your boyfriend's interests and discover whether you share enough to be able to build a successful relationship. This is important as you look toward the future.

Ultimately, if you two have very different ideas for extracurricular fun, you will have to decide if that works for you, and if you can choose to enjoy your passions independently. Not enjoying similar extracurricular activities could also lead you to decide this is not the guy for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been having an affair for the past few months, and it has been very exciting. I know I'm not supposed to do it, obviously, but I have been very discreet. I do not want to hurt my wife's feelings, and I don't expect this to last long. It's just fun and a distraction from all of the stuff that has been going on at home of late.

So, here's the thing. My son told me the other day that I have been talking in my sleep. He wanted to know who Gloria is. I was shocked. That's her name! He said he heard me talking and came in the room and shook me until I stopped talking. Now I'm worried that my wife may have heard me. Should I tell her? What should I do? -- Sleeptalking, Denver

DEAR SLEEPTALKING: What you need to do is handle your business. Your subconscious is telling the truth for you. Now it's time for you to correct your truth so that you can sleep at night, you stop dishonoring your marriage and you clean up your act. Yes, that means it is time to cut things off with Gloria. While that will not be easy to do, it is the one decision that can help you sleep soundly.

Do you need to confess all to your wife? Not now. Devastating your wife with news of your affair is not a solution to your problem. Fix it. End it. Recommit to your marriage. Be the best husband you can be. Refocus your lens on your family. If Gloria comes up, do not lie, but stop thinking about her. Think and dream about your wife.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I have always been close. I'm extremely loyal to her, and that's probably a gift and a curse. My sister hasn't made the best decisions in life, and last week that caused her to lose her kids.

Child Services asked me if I would be able to take them in since I'm her only sibling. I want to take them in because I've heard about the system and how harsh it can be. However, I have to be honest with myself. How am I going to take care of these kids? I'm still learning about life myself. I'm only 22; I don't know the first thing about being somebody's mom.

Everyone around me is saying to "do what's right." But what is right? On one hand, I know it would be wrong to leave these kids in the system and let them be removed from everything they know. On the other hand, it would be wrong to take them in, knowing that I know very little about being a mother. My heart is telling me to take them in and let God handle it from there. My mind is telling me to really weigh all of my options and be honest about the life I could give them.

Do I take them in? Or do I work with Child Services to find them a suitable family? How do I explain either choice to my sister? -- Confused, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR CONFUSED: Talk to your spiritual adviser and to the Department of Child Services. Learn as much as you can about your options -- including what support could be available for you to take care of the children as well as how you might participate in child placement. Meditate on your decision.

Your sister is the one who has been negligent. If you do not believe you can properly care for them, trust your instincts. This is a heart-wrenching situation. If you can't take care of them, do your best to find a legal way to stay in touch with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have held a grudge against my sister forever. I can't really remember how it started. I just know that we typically trade barbs from the moment we see each other. She has her nasty little things she throws into the conversation about me or my behavior, and I usually react by getting angry, lashing out or otherwise getting defensive.

Our latest visit was different, though. She didn't push my buttons at all. I noticed when she threw out her little comments, but I didn't react. And it felt good. How can I stay in that space and not fall into the grudge-fest with her? -- Free of Her, Cleveland

DEAR FREE OF HER: Try to remember what it felt like when you realized you didn't react to your sister's comments. Something was different in your body. In order to stay in that space where you are not affected by her words, assume the posture of self-confidence. You know who you are and what you stand for, regardless of what anyone says about you -- including your family. Remember your value, and look at her with the intention of noticing hers.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)