DEAR HARRIETTE: Going on dates with my boyfriend has turned into a chore. We always do the same dinner or same movie theater. I have suggested doing an active date, and he always wonders why we can't just get dinner instead. He doesn't want to go on dates that are out of his comfort zone. This can't be about money, because I could pay for rock climbing or kayaking. We could even make food and have a picnic in the park!

How do I get my boyfriend out of the habit of thinking dates can only be dinner or a movie? I want some spontaneity in life! -- Let's Explore, Denver

DEAR LET'S EXPLORE: Stop calling your ideas "dates." Instead of replacing dinner or the movies, invite him to do other things. Talk to him about your interests, and learn about his. Find out what he enjoyed doing as a child, and share your childhood memories. In general, learn about your boyfriend's interests and discover whether you share enough to be able to build a successful relationship. This is important as you look toward the future.

Ultimately, if you two have very different ideas for extracurricular fun, you will have to decide if that works for you, and if you can choose to enjoy your passions independently. Not enjoying similar extracurricular activities could also lead you to decide this is not the guy for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been having an affair for the past few months, and it has been very exciting. I know I'm not supposed to do it, obviously, but I have been very discreet. I do not want to hurt my wife's feelings, and I don't expect this to last long. It's just fun and a distraction from all of the stuff that has been going on at home of late.

So, here's the thing. My son told me the other day that I have been talking in my sleep. He wanted to know who Gloria is. I was shocked. That's her name! He said he heard me talking and came in the room and shook me until I stopped talking. Now I'm worried that my wife may have heard me. Should I tell her? What should I do? -- Sleeptalking, Denver

DEAR SLEEPTALKING: What you need to do is handle your business. Your subconscious is telling the truth for you. Now it's time for you to correct your truth so that you can sleep at night, you stop dishonoring your marriage and you clean up your act. Yes, that means it is time to cut things off with Gloria. While that will not be easy to do, it is the one decision that can help you sleep soundly.

Do you need to confess all to your wife? Not now. Devastating your wife with news of your affair is not a solution to your problem. Fix it. End it. Recommit to your marriage. Be the best husband you can be. Refocus your lens on your family. If Gloria comes up, do not lie, but stop thinking about her. Think and dream about your wife.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I have always been close. I'm extremely loyal to her, and that's probably a gift and a curse. My sister hasn't made the best decisions in life, and last week that caused her to lose her kids.

Child Services asked me if I would be able to take them in since I'm her only sibling. I want to take them in because I've heard about the system and how harsh it can be. However, I have to be honest with myself. How am I going to take care of these kids? I'm still learning about life myself. I'm only 22; I don't know the first thing about being somebody's mom.

Everyone around me is saying to "do what's right." But what is right? On one hand, I know it would be wrong to leave these kids in the system and let them be removed from everything they know. On the other hand, it would be wrong to take them in, knowing that I know very little about being a mother. My heart is telling me to take them in and let God handle it from there. My mind is telling me to really weigh all of my options and be honest about the life I could give them.

Do I take them in? Or do I work with Child Services to find them a suitable family? How do I explain either choice to my sister? -- Confused, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR CONFUSED: Talk to your spiritual adviser and to the Department of Child Services. Learn as much as you can about your options -- including what support could be available for you to take care of the children as well as how you might participate in child placement. Meditate on your decision.

Your sister is the one who has been negligent. If you do not believe you can properly care for them, trust your instincts. This is a heart-wrenching situation. If you can't take care of them, do your best to find a legal way to stay in touch with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have held a grudge against my sister forever. I can't really remember how it started. I just know that we typically trade barbs from the moment we see each other. She has her nasty little things she throws into the conversation about me or my behavior, and I usually react by getting angry, lashing out or otherwise getting defensive.

Our latest visit was different, though. She didn't push my buttons at all. I noticed when she threw out her little comments, but I didn't react. And it felt good. How can I stay in that space and not fall into the grudge-fest with her? -- Free of Her, Cleveland

DEAR FREE OF HER: Try to remember what it felt like when you realized you didn't react to your sister's comments. Something was different in your body. In order to stay in that space where you are not affected by her words, assume the posture of self-confidence. You know who you are and what you stand for, regardless of what anyone says about you -- including your family. Remember your value, and look at her with the intention of noticing hers.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at my wits' end with my mother-in-law. My husband and I have been married for two years now, and she's still being disrespectful toward me.

My mother-in-law threw my husband a dinner party to celebrate that he was coming back into town after being away on business. I thought it was a sweet gesture; being his wife, I decided that although his mom and I aren't the best of friends, I'd still come to support my husband. We knocked on the front door to come in, and she was completely ecstatic to see him. She was smiling and hugging him, crying over how long he was away, etc. I stepped into the house after him, and her entire mood changed. She rolled her eyes and asked him why he was still with me, as if I was just a random fling that he should've let go months ago. Even though I was offended, I let it slide and continued to greet friends and family. After dinner, she told everyone to gather around to cut the cake. We cut the cake, and I saw that it's pineapple. His mother knows that I'm allergic to pineapple, but that was the flavor she chose for his welcome-home cake? I feel like this woman has it out for me for no reason. Pineapple cake isn't even my husband's favorite flavor!

Do I confront his mom and ask her why she seems to hate me? I don't want to cause any drama -- especially when my husband was finally able to return home. -- Not Welcomed, Marietta, Georgia

DEAR NOT WELCOMED: Talk to your husband. Point out how unhealthy your relationship is with his mother. Ask him to help you build a respectful bond with her. Together, face her. That's your main chance of getting her to make an effort. She has to see that her son chooses you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is pregnant with our second child. We have agreed that we'd have only two kids, so this is her last pregnancy. She's been insisting on getting pregnancy pillows, new pregnancy clothing and in-womb cognitive development tools for this pregnancy. I don't want her to be uncomfortable during pregnancy, but I think this is spending a lot of cash on things we will never use again. I'd rather just save the money that would be spent on pregnancy jeans and use it on the baby.

We don't have an airtight budget, but I feel like my wife could slow down with buying a million pregnancy things that will be useless in a few months. Should I remind her that there won't be another pregnancy to use this stuff on? -- Last Bun in the Oven, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR LAST BUN IN THE OVEN: Tread lightly. Pregnant women tend to be highly emotional. Gently introduce the idea that your wife consider resisting the temptation to buy all of the pregnancy items that she wants. Rather than pointing out that she won't have another child, talk to her about the things the baby may need. She does need some clothes that are specific to pregnancy. But the needs for the newborn will be ongoing. She will probably welcome that idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)