DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I have always been close. I'm extremely loyal to her, and that's probably a gift and a curse. My sister hasn't made the best decisions in life, and last week that caused her to lose her kids.

Child Services asked me if I would be able to take them in since I'm her only sibling. I want to take them in because I've heard about the system and how harsh it can be. However, I have to be honest with myself. How am I going to take care of these kids? I'm still learning about life myself. I'm only 22; I don't know the first thing about being somebody's mom.

Everyone around me is saying to "do what's right." But what is right? On one hand, I know it would be wrong to leave these kids in the system and let them be removed from everything they know. On the other hand, it would be wrong to take them in, knowing that I know very little about being a mother. My heart is telling me to take them in and let God handle it from there. My mind is telling me to really weigh all of my options and be honest about the life I could give them.

Do I take them in? Or do I work with Child Services to find them a suitable family? How do I explain either choice to my sister? -- Confused, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR CONFUSED: Talk to your spiritual adviser and to the Department of Child Services. Learn as much as you can about your options -- including what support could be available for you to take care of the children as well as how you might participate in child placement. Meditate on your decision.

Your sister is the one who has been negligent. If you do not believe you can properly care for them, trust your instincts. This is a heart-wrenching situation. If you can't take care of them, do your best to find a legal way to stay in touch with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have held a grudge against my sister forever. I can't really remember how it started. I just know that we typically trade barbs from the moment we see each other. She has her nasty little things she throws into the conversation about me or my behavior, and I usually react by getting angry, lashing out or otherwise getting defensive.

Our latest visit was different, though. She didn't push my buttons at all. I noticed when she threw out her little comments, but I didn't react. And it felt good. How can I stay in that space and not fall into the grudge-fest with her? -- Free of Her, Cleveland

DEAR FREE OF HER: Try to remember what it felt like when you realized you didn't react to your sister's comments. Something was different in your body. In order to stay in that space where you are not affected by her words, assume the posture of self-confidence. You know who you are and what you stand for, regardless of what anyone says about you -- including your family. Remember your value, and look at her with the intention of noticing hers.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am at my wits' end with my mother-in-law. My husband and I have been married for two years now, and she's still being disrespectful toward me.

My mother-in-law threw my husband a dinner party to celebrate that he was coming back into town after being away on business. I thought it was a sweet gesture; being his wife, I decided that although his mom and I aren't the best of friends, I'd still come to support my husband. We knocked on the front door to come in, and she was completely ecstatic to see him. She was smiling and hugging him, crying over how long he was away, etc. I stepped into the house after him, and her entire mood changed. She rolled her eyes and asked him why he was still with me, as if I was just a random fling that he should've let go months ago. Even though I was offended, I let it slide and continued to greet friends and family. After dinner, she told everyone to gather around to cut the cake. We cut the cake, and I saw that it's pineapple. His mother knows that I'm allergic to pineapple, but that was the flavor she chose for his welcome-home cake? I feel like this woman has it out for me for no reason. Pineapple cake isn't even my husband's favorite flavor!

Do I confront his mom and ask her why she seems to hate me? I don't want to cause any drama -- especially when my husband was finally able to return home. -- Not Welcomed, Marietta, Georgia

DEAR NOT WELCOMED: Talk to your husband. Point out how unhealthy your relationship is with his mother. Ask him to help you build a respectful bond with her. Together, face her. That's your main chance of getting her to make an effort. She has to see that her son chooses you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is pregnant with our second child. We have agreed that we'd have only two kids, so this is her last pregnancy. She's been insisting on getting pregnancy pillows, new pregnancy clothing and in-womb cognitive development tools for this pregnancy. I don't want her to be uncomfortable during pregnancy, but I think this is spending a lot of cash on things we will never use again. I'd rather just save the money that would be spent on pregnancy jeans and use it on the baby.

We don't have an airtight budget, but I feel like my wife could slow down with buying a million pregnancy things that will be useless in a few months. Should I remind her that there won't be another pregnancy to use this stuff on? -- Last Bun in the Oven, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR LAST BUN IN THE OVEN: Tread lightly. Pregnant women tend to be highly emotional. Gently introduce the idea that your wife consider resisting the temptation to buy all of the pregnancy items that she wants. Rather than pointing out that she won't have another child, talk to her about the things the baby may need. She does need some clothes that are specific to pregnancy. But the needs for the newborn will be ongoing. She will probably welcome that idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I run in the same social circle as my ex. Things between us ended dramatically, but we both got over it and are friends now. Although we broke up a few years ago and dated other people, we are both single at the same time.

Recently, I noticed my ex becoming a little too friendly with me when we are hanging out in a group. He'll let his arm slip lower than it should as we hug goodbye, or he'll make some joke relating to the past. I'm not sure if he is just messing with me or implying he wants what we had again.

I don't really have an interest in starting up our whole love affair again. How do I shut down his flirtation in a way that won't make other people uncomfortable? I just want us to be friends without any strange tension. -- Just Friends, Weehawken, New Jersey

DEAR JUST FRIENDS: Ask to have a private conversation with your ex. You can do this over the phone or in person -- but preferably not when you are in the company of your friends. Tell him that it's nice to see him again, but that you want to clear the air. Tell him that his overtures are sending mixed messages that you do not like. Tell him that you are happy to be his friend, but nothing more. Ask him not to touch you suggestively anymore. Even if he plays dumb about it, just reinforce your request.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been stress eating a lot lately. So many responsibilities are hitting me left and right that I can't help but eat junk food to get away from it all. I feel terrible because I was doing really well with exercising and monitoring what I eat.

Ever since I started eating ice cream and candy again, I've been on a roll. Ice cream and candy quickly turned into cake, cookies and milkshakes. The Smart Pop on my kitchen counter was quickly replaced with barbecue potato chips, and the amount of Haagen-Dazs in my fridge is embarrassing.

How do I get myself to revert back to how I was before? It's become harder and harder to psych myself into eating a salad when I know I have ice cream in the fridge. I don't want to become so overweight that I'm back to square one. I know I should just give up the junk food, but when I get home from a long day, a salad just doesn't excite me. -- Stress Vs. Healthiness, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR STRESS VS. HEALTHINESS: Sugar can be addictive for some people. Right now, you are engaging it in that kind of out-of-control way. Know that you can change. Start by throwing out ALL sweets in your home. If they aren't there, you cannot eat them during your vulnerable moments. If you need help making that choice, invite a friend to help you. Build a support group. Go back to the gym with a buddy. When you are feeling particularly stressed, work out instead of eating.

Make a decision that you want to be healthy, and work hard to choose water over soda, fruit or protein over ice cream and chips. Consider joining Overeaters Anonymous (oa.org) or Weight Watchers to help you meet your goals.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)