DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for almost 10 years. In this time, I have had one son with my husband. I am my husband's seventh wife; some he married to give them green cards, others were for love. Either way, all of these women divorced him at some point. He has one other son who is 25 years older than our son.
Our relationship is getting more difficult to be in. I don't work because he doesn't want me to. Originally, I loved this setup, but now I have to ask my husband for any money, and it's extremely degrading. He is also incredibly strict with our son and forces him to study for hours.
My friends tell me to divorce my husband, but I feel like this could be something that we work on. They tell me his track record shows he isn't capable of compromise. Do I listen to my friends and their logic? I feel like my emotions are getting in the way. -- Caged Bird, Tulsa, Oklahoma
DEAR CAGED BIRD: Your friends are not your husband. Stop commiserating with them, and talk to him directly. For whatever reason, you chose to marry this man knowing that he had been married many times previously. You must have seen something in him that appealed to you. Drum up the courage to talk to your husband about your marriage. Tell him how stifled you are feeling and that you either want to get a job or you want him to be more generous with money. Do your best to talk out your issues and see if you can have a meeting of the minds. He may be giving you less money because finances are tight. Find out.
As far as your son is concerned, studying is good. Check in with your son's teacher to learn how he's doing in school. Perhaps you can suggest treats for your son, like time off occasionally from intense studying, when he does particularly well in school.