DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my aunt this Mother's Day. She is in her 80s now and lives alone since my uncle passed away about five years ago. Her children live in Canada, so I thought I'd pay her a visit, since they are too far away.

Upon entering her apartment, I saw a small dog bolting around. She told me she had gotten it about a year ago. I love animals and have a dog, too; however, the smell of feces in the apartment was pretty bad. I noticed small piles on the floor and some urine stains. I tried my best to ignore it, but my aunt caught me staring and admitted she doesn't take the dog out as frequently as she should.

Her love for the dog is obvious, but I really don't think she can care for it. She prides herself on being independent, but I think she needs help with this dog. I doubt she'd ever want to give it up because she would feel lonely, but the state of her apartment is pretty foul. What should I suggest to her? I don't want to leave the situation without trying to help. -- Pooped, Baltimore

DEAR POOPED: You could have started cleaning up the dog dirt, and you still can. If you can afford it, hire a housekeeper and go back to visit your aunt. Tell her you want to help her get her house tidy again, and then engage your aunt while the cleaner does the work. Beyond that, recommend that your aunt hire a dog walker. To reduce the accidents in the house, someone has to take the dog out. Contact her children immediately. Tell them the situation, and ask for their support to take care of their mother. Ask them to pay for the dog walker and a regular cleaning person. It is unhealthy for her to be living in the company of urine and feces. Keep checking in on your aunt.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm the oldest out of three boys with a recently widowed mother. Each of us has his own career, and we live at varying distances from where our parents lived. Our father died at the beginning of last year, and since then, I've seen Mom struggle to keep up the house. Our house has always had issues, but our dad used to be around every day to help manage that.

While I understand the house has sentimental value, I think it may be a good decision for her to downsize to a smaller house or a condo. I spoke with my brothers and we agree, but we haven't broached the topic with our mother yet. How can we do this in a respectful manner? -- Drama-Free House, Philadelphia

DEAR DRAMA-FREE HOUSE: If possible, go together to visit your mother. Propose that she move. Position it with the pros and cons that you have observed. Of course, it is the family home, but home really is wherever she is. (That was my mother's thinking when she moved after my father's death, and it worked for all of us.) Point out the many challenges she faces with the house, as well as the potential for easier living in a smaller place that has amenities, like a condo. Offer to help her pack and move. It may take a while for the idea to grow on her. Keep reminding her of the benefits.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: None of my friends likes my boyfriend, but I am head over heels for him. They just don't understand that he's different when we're alone as opposed to when people are observing our relationship. In public, he hates public displays of affection and tells me he doesn't need everyone to know that we're together because of how touchy we are. I understand his point of view, but my friends call him expletives and say he's not trustworthy. They think his refusal to publicly acknowledge that we're together has to mean he's cheating on me. He's also said some mean things about me in public, but he always apologizes for them.

My boyfriend is just so sweet when we're alone, but my friends never see that part of him. They constantly make a point to tell me negative things he says, and they don't understand how there could be a secretly loving side to him. They tell me he's trouble, and I'm torn.

How much influence should my girlfriends have on my relationship? They seem to try to be talking sense into me, but I don't think I need it. -- Secret Romeo, Dallas

DEAR SECRET ROMEO: There's a difference between not wanting to be touchy-feely in public and being rude in public. It is inappropriate for your boyfriend to talk badly about you in public or private. That needs to stop immediately. Replay for him the things you have heard him say and have been shared with you. Tell him how hurtful they are, and ask why he does that. Acknowledge that you are OK with being discreet in public, but you are not OK with being disrespected. Talk it out to see where he stands. What you want to watch out for is if he is too controlling. That's a sign to walk away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer I have plans to visit my friend's beach house in the Outer Banks. A large group of my friends from college were planning on having a reunion at my friend's place. She just told me that we'd all be sharing rooms. This is a 10-bedroom house, and the party got a lot bigger than I had anticipated. I want to get my own room in a nearby hotel. However, one of the main points of this trip is that we will all be staying together, just like old times. I guess I have gotten more high-maintenance since college ended, and I want my own space and some peace and quiet.

I'm afraid if I go for the hotel, I'll be singled out for not wanting to stay with everyone. My husband told me to stop being a diva -- it will be like my old sorority days. Do I just grin and bear it? I really don't want to be in a house with over a dozen drinking women. I've changed. -- You're In or You're Out, Syracuse, New York

DEAR YOU'RE IN OR YOU'RE OUT: Forget about what your friends will think about you. Think about yourself. If your instinct says to get a room, get it. It can even be a backup. If things get out of hand and you want to steal away, you will be able to do so. If they are drunk, it won't matter if you are there anyway.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I own a small restaurant, and I have a loose contract with one of my suppliers that I want to break. I call this a "loose contract" because we both signed it when we were closer friends and after a few beers. My restaurant isn't doing incredibly well, and there's a cheaper farm I want to start buying from.

The end to my contract is in three years. If I wait that long, I'll probably lose my business. I don't want to seem unprofessional, but I need to do what is best for my business. I've never had to break a contract before. I don't even know where to begin. I just want to talk this out with my supplier, but he's a bit of a hothead. I want this to end quickly. Should I start buying some of my produce from the cheaper supplier? I need to focus on cutting costs, and this contract is killing me while it's helping my friend keep business. -- Rotten Contract, Calvert County, Maryland

DEAR ROTTEN CONTRACT: Consult an attorney immediately. Have the contract reviewed to learn your legal rights. Speak to your accountant as well, to figure out where you stand with your finances. Some businesses file bankruptcy in order to free themselves from old debt and start anew. This can negatively affect your credit, but it could also give you a chance to stay in business. By incorporating another company, you may be able to create a contract with a different vendor. Should that be a consideration, you may want to speak to your potential new vendor in advance to begin to build a relationship. In that way, when the time comes -- and your credit is damaged -- the personal familiarity may help you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt goes to the tanning beds at least four times a week. She has a pass at her local tanning salon and has been maintaining her "glow" for over two decades. Now that she is in her late 40s, health concerns that she did not previously have are popping up. She has had to get multiple skin biopsies, and there is a potentially serious biopsy in the lab right now. She frequently comes to my house to speak to my mother about how scared she is, but she never mentions how her actions might have caused this. I would be stunned if she didn't know about how harmful tanning beds are, but she hasn't stopped going! I suspect she might be skirting around that topic with her doctor.

Whenever she speaks to me, she asks me to pray for her. I always say I will, but in reality, I have reservations about asking God to help her with a problem she is causing herself. Is it best to just keep my mouth shut? -- No Beds for Me, Savannah, Georgia

DEAR NO BEDS FOR ME: Your aunt seems to be addicted to tanning beds. You can still pray for her. When you talk to her, you can also recommend that she stop tanning. Saying it out loud may make it more real for her.

Trust that her doctors know she is tanning, although maybe not how frequently. Her skin is talking, even if she isn't.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)