life

Reader Needs to Renegotiate Contract With Friend

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 23rd, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I own a small restaurant, and I have a loose contract with one of my suppliers that I want to break. I call this a "loose contract" because we both signed it when we were closer friends and after a few beers. My restaurant isn't doing incredibly well, and there's a cheaper farm I want to start buying from.

The end to my contract is in three years. If I wait that long, I'll probably lose my business. I don't want to seem unprofessional, but I need to do what is best for my business. I've never had to break a contract before. I don't even know where to begin. I just want to talk this out with my supplier, but he's a bit of a hothead. I want this to end quickly. Should I start buying some of my produce from the cheaper supplier? I need to focus on cutting costs, and this contract is killing me while it's helping my friend keep business. -- Rotten Contract, Calvert County, Maryland

DEAR ROTTEN CONTRACT: Consult an attorney immediately. Have the contract reviewed to learn your legal rights. Speak to your accountant as well, to figure out where you stand with your finances. Some businesses file bankruptcy in order to free themselves from old debt and start anew. This can negatively affect your credit, but it could also give you a chance to stay in business. By incorporating another company, you may be able to create a contract with a different vendor. Should that be a consideration, you may want to speak to your potential new vendor in advance to begin to build a relationship. In that way, when the time comes -- and your credit is damaged -- the personal familiarity may help you.

MoneyWork & School
life

Aunt Addicted to Tanning Beds Asks for Prayers

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 23rd, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt goes to the tanning beds at least four times a week. She has a pass at her local tanning salon and has been maintaining her "glow" for over two decades. Now that she is in her late 40s, health concerns that she did not previously have are popping up. She has had to get multiple skin biopsies, and there is a potentially serious biopsy in the lab right now. She frequently comes to my house to speak to my mother about how scared she is, but she never mentions how her actions might have caused this. I would be stunned if she didn't know about how harmful tanning beds are, but she hasn't stopped going! I suspect she might be skirting around that topic with her doctor.

Whenever she speaks to me, she asks me to pray for her. I always say I will, but in reality, I have reservations about asking God to help her with a problem she is causing herself. Is it best to just keep my mouth shut? -- No Beds for Me, Savannah, Georgia

DEAR NO BEDS FOR ME: Your aunt seems to be addicted to tanning beds. You can still pray for her. When you talk to her, you can also recommend that she stop tanning. Saying it out loud may make it more real for her.

Trust that her doctors know she is tanning, although maybe not how frequently. Her skin is talking, even if she isn't.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

AddictionHealth & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Flirty Friend Makes Reader Uncomfortable

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 21st, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer I hooked up with my good friend who had recently broken up with her boyfriend. She was vulnerable and upset, and I was too nervous to reject her. I am gay, but I haven't told anyone yet, so it's weird.

Now she is back together with him and said that during that time, they were not completely broken up. I know I couldn't have had any way of knowing this, considering she told me at the time that they were over, but I do feel uncomfortable. Also, she continues to flirt with me now even though she and her boyfriend are in a serious relationship. I don't want to be responsible for troubles between the two of them, but nothing can be my fault considering it is always her who does the instigating.

Should I continue being friends with her and just brush off her flirtatious comments and actions, or would it be better to pull away completely? -- Stuck in the Middle, Toledo, Ohio

DEAR STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: You seem to be tiptoeing into your identity, and your friend was at the right place at the right time. Given that she is unavailable now, think hard on whether she is the choice for you. She may have been a precious opportunity for you to explore your own self. But chances are, she is not the one to continue the exploration. You can stay friendly with her, but keep your eyes on your prize, which should include sharing your truth, finding someone who is available and interested in pursuing a relationship with you, unencumbered with other relationships.

Love & DatingFriends & NeighborsEtiquette & EthicsSex & Gender
life

Reader Unsure if It's Time to Break Up With Boyfriend

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 21st, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been fighting frequently, but I don't want to break up with him because he is one of my only friends in school. I have been getting extremely annoyed at him because it feels as if he doesn't want me to succeed. For example, when I got into my first-choice college, he never even congratulated me for it. He tends to make everything about himself, and it is causing conflict in our relationship. I know he isn't solely responsible for all of our fights, but it is exhausting, and I'm not sure it is worth it. I know he isn't the one I will marry and settle down with, so is it selfish to hold on to our relationship just to get me through high school? -- Tired, Detroit

DEAR TIRED: It is better to have no friends than to have "friends" who do not support you. Your boyfriend may be going through his own vulnerable feelings based on whatever his shortfalls are in his life. Your success is likely making him uncomfortable. While it is legitimate to want him to have compassion for you, more important is for you to have confidence in yourself.

It is OK for you to break up with him simply because you want to focus on your future. Don't go into detail about what he isn't doing for you. Instead, tell him you need to stay in line with your plans for your future. Right now, that is all you have time to do.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

TeensLove & Dating
life

Pregnant Reader Unsure About Future

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 20th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: One night can change everything. I never thought that until now. After feeling sick for a couple of days, I went to the doctor to find out why. The doctor did a bunch of tests, and finally he came back in the room. He smiled as he told me, "Congratulations! You're pregnant."

This would be a perfect dream if I weren't only 21. It would be lovely if I weren't a struggling college student with parents who think I'm an angel. It really would be enjoyable if I at least could say that I was married and I knew for sure who the father was.

I'm so scared. My parents come down in a few weeks; what do I tell them? I don't want to get cut off financially. They didn't want me to go away for college. They feared that something like this -- or worse -- would happen. I don't know if my boyfriend or a guy from a party is the father. My boyfriend and I aren't on the best of terms right now. Tired of his cheating and lying, I went to a party deciding I'd have some fun of my own. Now I'm someone's mommy-to-be. I don't know what to do. I'm too young for all of this. -- Too Young, Jacksonville, Florida

DEAR TOO YOUNG: Find out your options from your doctor. Think about what you want to do. Tell your parents immediately. Apologize for not living up to their expectations, and then ask for their support and guidance. They may be mad, but they will likely help you figure out your next steps. You must decide what you want to do with your baby. Consider all of your options carefully.

Sex & GenderHealth & SafetyFamily & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Reader Left Wondering About Prom Date

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 20th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had previously planned on attending prom with my close guy friend; however, he and one of my best friends have recently started dating. They left me out of the loop until now, and she told me that she is OK with me still going to prom with her boyfriend. That makes me extremely uncomfortable. I'm not sure if she is saying this only because she feels bad for taking my date and also hiding their relationship from me, or if she really does feel it is OK for us to attend prom together. If the latter is true, I don't understand, and the bottom line is that I am uncomfortable. I'm also uneasy about them speaking about the issue and making a decision without involving me. I feel I should have a say in whether I feel comfortable going to the prom with him. What should I do? -- Feeling Betrayed, Rochester, New York

DEAR FEELING BETRAYED: Ask both of them to join you for a meeting. Tell them that you feel betrayed because you had a plan, and neither of them told you anything. You probably feel horrible because your prom is ruined given your friends' desire to be together rather than to support you. Try to figure it out. If you still feel like you can be close to them, ask them if possibly all three of you can go to the prom together as friends and have a good time. This will work if they are willing not to be lovey-dovey.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

TeensEtiquette & EthicsLove & DatingFriends & Neighbors

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Future In-Laws Pressure Bride to Convert
  • Excessive Daydreaming Worries Grandmother
  • Bad-Smelling Carpets Make Visits to In-Laws Unpleasant
  • Last Word in Astrology for March 24, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for March 23, 2023
  • Last Word in Astrology for March 22, 2023
  • Is My Self-Care Selfish?
  • Transportable Tranquility
  • New Year, New Goal: To Be Happy
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal