DEAR HARRIETTE: One night can change everything. I never thought that until now. After feeling sick for a couple of days, I went to the doctor to find out why. The doctor did a bunch of tests, and finally he came back in the room. He smiled as he told me, "Congratulations! You're pregnant."

This would be a perfect dream if I weren't only 21. It would be lovely if I weren't a struggling college student with parents who think I'm an angel. It really would be enjoyable if I at least could say that I was married and I knew for sure who the father was.

I'm so scared. My parents come down in a few weeks; what do I tell them? I don't want to get cut off financially. They didn't want me to go away for college. They feared that something like this -- or worse -- would happen. I don't know if my boyfriend or a guy from a party is the father. My boyfriend and I aren't on the best of terms right now. Tired of his cheating and lying, I went to a party deciding I'd have some fun of my own. Now I'm someone's mommy-to-be. I don't know what to do. I'm too young for all of this. -- Too Young, Jacksonville, Florida

DEAR TOO YOUNG: Find out your options from your doctor. Think about what you want to do. Tell your parents immediately. Apologize for not living up to their expectations, and then ask for their support and guidance. They may be mad, but they will likely help you figure out your next steps. You must decide what you want to do with your baby. Consider all of your options carefully.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had previously planned on attending prom with my close guy friend; however, he and one of my best friends have recently started dating. They left me out of the loop until now, and she told me that she is OK with me still going to prom with her boyfriend. That makes me extremely uncomfortable. I'm not sure if she is saying this only because she feels bad for taking my date and also hiding their relationship from me, or if she really does feel it is OK for us to attend prom together. If the latter is true, I don't understand, and the bottom line is that I am uncomfortable. I'm also uneasy about them speaking about the issue and making a decision without involving me. I feel I should have a say in whether I feel comfortable going to the prom with him. What should I do? -- Feeling Betrayed, Rochester, New York

DEAR FEELING BETRAYED: Ask both of them to join you for a meeting. Tell them that you feel betrayed because you had a plan, and neither of them told you anything. You probably feel horrible because your prom is ruined given your friends' desire to be together rather than to support you. Try to figure it out. If you still feel like you can be close to them, ask them if possibly all three of you can go to the prom together as friends and have a good time. This will work if they are willing not to be lovey-dovey.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is a very open woman. She likes to talk about every aspect of her life and doesn't think to notice who else is listening. At a cocktail party recently, she was talking about how she uses Nair on her husband's back because they agreed he is too hairy. She then went on to say how great their bedroom life is. My other friend and I were shocked. Usually, we can just laugh about how "Carol" overshares, but I thought this was way too personal. I do not want to hear it.

I asked Carol how she thinks her husband would feel if he knew what she was saying about him, and she looked puzzled. She said, "Well, I only told you and a couple of other girls. There's no way he'd find out." I couldn't carry on the conversation much longer, so I excused myself.

I know women always laugh about Carol's ways, but I think they will begin to judge her negatively. I don't want to infringe on Carol's free speech, but I do want to remind her that not everybody is ready to hear such personal details. Is that overstepping my boundaries? I also do not want her to think I don't support her -- I just want to appropriately mingle at these events. -- Against Oversharing, Milwaukee

DEAR AGAINST OVERSHARING: You didn't ask Carol the right question. Don't beat around the bush. Tell her that her intimate stories make you uncomfortable, and you don't want to hear them. Add that when she shares them in public settings, it makes other people uncomfortable. Suggest that she stick to small talk when in public, and that she limit details about her personal life. Most people do not want to know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This past Christmas, I got great gifts for my family. Specifically, I got my nephew a bunch of pricey athletic gear so he can look cool in the hallways and feel comfortable. When I was at my sister's house, I saw his girlfriend wearing one of my gifts to him! When I mentioned that I recognized that sweatshirt, my nephew told me that it's too small on him, so he's letting "Annie" have it. She looked pretty pleased with her gift.

I cannot believe my gift was blatantly regifted. I think my nephew should have returned the gift to me if he didn't like the size. Should I ask for my gift back? It was intended for him to wear. -- Slap to the Face, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR SLAP TO THE FACE: It's time to remember that when you give a gift, it should be given freely. You did not tell your nephew that you wanted him to give it back to you if it didn't fit. Be happy that your gift helps him please his girlfriend. The same effect occurs. He feels cool because he can help his girlfriend feel cool.

Try your best to feel happy about that. He could have just stuffed it in a box in the back of his closet, and you would have been none the wiser. Consider this a good sign! He has a nice girlfriend, and you helped him make her happy.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends recently came out of the closet at 25. I was so happy for him as he began exploring the gay scene in our city, but my joy has slowly turned into concern. He has entered a promiscuous phase, and I am concerned, not just because of sexually transmitted infections, but also because our local scene, especially as people of color, is not so big.

I really want to support my friend in exploring his newfound freedom, but I worry he may not be going about this in the smartest way. Do you think my concerns are legitimate? If so, how can I talk to him about this without sounding judgmental? Any help would be greatly appreciated. -- Drive Slow Homie, Port Chester, New York

DEAR DRIVE SLOW HOMIE: It is hard for people to have perspective when they are caught up in the moment. This means that your friend may not hear you until after the damage is done, but you can try. Ask him to get together. Check in to find out how your friend is doing and where his head is. Remind him of how happy you are for him that he accepted who he is and sought to explore that. Tell him that you are concerned that he is not being responsible to his body or to his reputation by his current behavior. Just go for it. Tell him you know he may get mad, but that you care about him enough to tell him the truth. Suggest that he take a step back to think about what his actions are saying about him and if he believes that the message matches his intention.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started going out with this beautiful, intelligent and adventurous woman. Things started out well. However, she has one habit that is becoming a growing concern for me. She seems to have this need to incessantly badmouth her ex.

I understand that breakups can be bad, but this is starting to become more than uncomfortable. I've talked to her about this, and she said she would be careful to not talk about him. That lasted about a week. I'm starting to think she's not really over him, and I would hate to waste my time pursuing something she isn't ready for. Do you think I should try to press the issue, or do you think it may be time for me to move along? -- No Focus, Dallas

DEAR NO FOCUS: The next time your girlfriend utters anything about her ex, jump in and tell her that you don't want to know any more about him. Stop her, and make it clear that you care a lot about her and want to get to know her better, but that you feel she is stuck on her ex. Ask her to share with you about who she is, her life, beyond her ex. Add that if she feels she is not yet over him, you will step aside until she is ready. Make it clear that there is no room in your relationship for her ex to have an ongoing role.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)