DEAR HARRIETTE: Many years ago, one of my closest friends came out to me as gay. This didn't change our relationship much, and I supported him as he began to date men. As fate would have it, we both moved to Chicago to start new jobs and now live a short distance away from each other. We're having a great time and are both dating around, except now he exclusively dates women. We double date and talk about women now as though he forgot that he is attracted to men.

I have let it slide and never confronted him about staying honest to women about his sexuality. If he continues to have girlfriends, should I say something to him? I don't want him leading women on if he isn't truly attracted to them. The consequences could get messy. -- Where's the Truth, Chicago

DEAR WHERE'S THE TRUTH: Stop avoiding the elephant in the room and just ask him, when you are alone, what the deal is. Since he confided in you before, you have the right to ask. He may honestly choose to date women exclusively now. Find out where he stands. If your hidden worry is about his health, you can ask him that too. The reality, though, is that anyone who is sexually active should regularly be tested for sexually transmitted infections. So, rather than asking the question only of him, you should be checking yourself as well. Approach the health question that way, and you are likely to get an honest answer.

As it relates to what your friend tells his dates, it is not your business to reveal your friend's sexual history to anyone. You can suggest that he do so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandfather is in his 70s. At his age, some of his closest friends have passed away. I want to help my grandfather make more friends because I am so saddened by his losses. I could never imagine losing my supportive friends.

I don't even know how to get this endeavor started. I mentioned to my grandpa that he should find some new friends, and he got defensive, saying he has all he needs. I just want him to stay social and not feel lonely. How can I make friends for my grandpa? -- Older Social Butterfly, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR OLDER SOCIAL BUTTERFLY: You should listen to your grandfather. He knows himself. Unless he starts acting reclusive or otherwise different, do not assume that he is in need of friends. Having grandchildren is a huge blessing for older people. Your presence in his life is likely far more important than a reduced number of friendships. Young people keep older people vital. My strongest recommendation would be to commit to spending more time with your grandfather, whether it's talking on the phone, going on visits or simply being together.

Outside of that, if your grandfather ever expresses interest in broadening his activities, look for a senior center in his area. Many of these centers offer daytime engagements that can be fun and uplifting for their participants.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I just want our kids to be happy, and this sometimes ends up with us spoiling them. We recently leased a car for our 23-year-old daughter. She works very hard, and we wanted to congratulate her on a successful year out of college. Our friends gave us a bit of a hard time, saying things like, "She's an adult! She can buy her own car." We were happy to give the car to her.

When she recently visited, I took her keys from the kitchen counter to move her car from the driveway. The car smelled like marijuana, and I was completely stunned. This is not the daughter I raised and certainly not the hardworking girl I gave a car to! Granted, she pays for her gas and monthly payments, but we funded the down payment! I didn't say anything to her about knowing she uses drugs in her car, and my wife told me to leave her alone and stop prying. I just feel disrespected. I want to take the car away, but my wife argues that we don't know the whole story and need to let our "adult" daughter be in control of her life. Who is right? -- Blowing Smoke, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR BLOWING SMOKE: This is not about you. Your daughter is becoming a woman and must learn to take responsibility for herself. You have to move past feeling disrespected and focus on what is more important.

You should tell your daughter you smelled the marijuana in her car. Whether you approve or not isn't the point. It is still illegal to possess or consume marijuana in your state. Because smoking it can impair one's driving ability, it is doubly important that your daughter understand -- at the very least -- that she should not smoke and drive. Please remind her of this. You can also tell her you are disappointed in her choice and hope she will be wiser moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live with my extended family. We are all tight on finances, so in addition to my parents and brother, I also live with my aunt, uncle and cousins. I don't particularly mind this scenario, however it is nearly impossible to find peace and privacy. After a long day at school and then work, the last thing I want to do is make small talk.

My aunt loves to blab about her work drama. She works at a restaurant, and the waitresses, cooks and busboys all have their fair share of drama. She can talk my ear off about which table ordered what and how they were dressed. I don't care about any of it! I don't want to start trouble with my aunt, but I need her to stop gabbing about her work drama. How do I permanently excuse myself from this conversation? Everyone else seems to have told her they don't care about the drama. -- Not a Soap Opera, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR NOT A SOAP OPERA: Tell your aunt and family that you need alone time after a long day. When your aunt starts up, excuse yourself and tell her you don't have room to hear her stories right now. Remind her that you love her, but you need quiet time. Then physically move away, even if you must retreat temporarily to the bathroom.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a grandfather to two lovely children. My grandson is 14 years old now. As recently as two years ago, we would go to the zoo or the carnival together. Now, it seems as though my grandson is too "cool" for me. I keep attempting to reach out to him, but now I just hear crickets. I don't want to stop his youthful fun. I just want to be involved in his life.

My granddaughter still spends time with me, so I am grateful, but I just miss my grandson. I have been thinking about how to relate to him or make the things we used to do appealing to him. He just doesn't seem to want to spend time with me anymore. How can I convince him that spending time with his grandfather will be fun? I haven't seen him in months now. -- Grandpa in the Dust, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR GRANDPA IN THE DUST: What a difference a day can make, let alone a couple of years! Your grandson is trying to find his way as an adolescent, and he seems to be fully absorbed in his teenage life right now. I can imagine how disconnected that feels for you.

One thing you may consider is, if you both have smartphones or other electronic devices, communicate using those tools. Send texts and photos to your grandson of curious or fun moments. Do not try to guilt him into seeing you. Instead, show him what you are doing. Even if it seems boring, you can try to make it fun. Like taking a picture of something interesting you discovered on your morning walk or a selfie of you with your favorite tree in the background or in a kookier setting, basically something to remind him of you. In turn, he may do the same.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am unemployed. I continued school for a few extra years and now find myself with what I've dubbed a useless degree. As I speak to my family and friends about jobs I am interviewing for, they typically say something along the lines of: "You're too good for that job."

Whether or not I am overqualified for a bartending or waitressing job does not matter to me any longer. I may have more education than I need, but I need a job, and no one seems to be offering. I am ready to make money, and I don't need to be judged for whatever line of work I can get into. My family seems to be so overbearing about me getting a job in my field -- to the point where I just don't want to speak to them about my job hunt. I just need money! Is it that important to get a job in the field I studied? -- Need Cash, Baltimore

DEAR NEED CASH: Stop complaining to your family and go to recruiters, or scour the want ads to look for options. When you go for interviews, be upbeat. When asked why you are trying out for a job that doesn't seem like a great match, be honest. You want to work. You are a hard worker, and you will make them proud.

Explain what qualities you bring to that company, no matter who it is, so that you seem appealing for that job specifically. If asked why you aren't pursuing your field of interest, explain that you will again, but right now you want to get to work, and you are ready to give this company your all.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)