DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I just want our kids to be happy, and this sometimes ends up with us spoiling them. We recently leased a car for our 23-year-old daughter. She works very hard, and we wanted to congratulate her on a successful year out of college. Our friends gave us a bit of a hard time, saying things like, "She's an adult! She can buy her own car." We were happy to give the car to her.

When she recently visited, I took her keys from the kitchen counter to move her car from the driveway. The car smelled like marijuana, and I was completely stunned. This is not the daughter I raised and certainly not the hardworking girl I gave a car to! Granted, she pays for her gas and monthly payments, but we funded the down payment! I didn't say anything to her about knowing she uses drugs in her car, and my wife told me to leave her alone and stop prying. I just feel disrespected. I want to take the car away, but my wife argues that we don't know the whole story and need to let our "adult" daughter be in control of her life. Who is right? -- Blowing Smoke, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR BLOWING SMOKE: This is not about you. Your daughter is becoming a woman and must learn to take responsibility for herself. You have to move past feeling disrespected and focus on what is more important.

You should tell your daughter you smelled the marijuana in her car. Whether you approve or not isn't the point. It is still illegal to possess or consume marijuana in your state. Because smoking it can impair one's driving ability, it is doubly important that your daughter understand -- at the very least -- that she should not smoke and drive. Please remind her of this. You can also tell her you are disappointed in her choice and hope she will be wiser moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live with my extended family. We are all tight on finances, so in addition to my parents and brother, I also live with my aunt, uncle and cousins. I don't particularly mind this scenario, however it is nearly impossible to find peace and privacy. After a long day at school and then work, the last thing I want to do is make small talk.

My aunt loves to blab about her work drama. She works at a restaurant, and the waitresses, cooks and busboys all have their fair share of drama. She can talk my ear off about which table ordered what and how they were dressed. I don't care about any of it! I don't want to start trouble with my aunt, but I need her to stop gabbing about her work drama. How do I permanently excuse myself from this conversation? Everyone else seems to have told her they don't care about the drama. -- Not a Soap Opera, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR NOT A SOAP OPERA: Tell your aunt and family that you need alone time after a long day. When your aunt starts up, excuse yourself and tell her you don't have room to hear her stories right now. Remind her that you love her, but you need quiet time. Then physically move away, even if you must retreat temporarily to the bathroom.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a grandfather to two lovely children. My grandson is 14 years old now. As recently as two years ago, we would go to the zoo or the carnival together. Now, it seems as though my grandson is too "cool" for me. I keep attempting to reach out to him, but now I just hear crickets. I don't want to stop his youthful fun. I just want to be involved in his life.

My granddaughter still spends time with me, so I am grateful, but I just miss my grandson. I have been thinking about how to relate to him or make the things we used to do appealing to him. He just doesn't seem to want to spend time with me anymore. How can I convince him that spending time with his grandfather will be fun? I haven't seen him in months now. -- Grandpa in the Dust, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR GRANDPA IN THE DUST: What a difference a day can make, let alone a couple of years! Your grandson is trying to find his way as an adolescent, and he seems to be fully absorbed in his teenage life right now. I can imagine how disconnected that feels for you.

One thing you may consider is, if you both have smartphones or other electronic devices, communicate using those tools. Send texts and photos to your grandson of curious or fun moments. Do not try to guilt him into seeing you. Instead, show him what you are doing. Even if it seems boring, you can try to make it fun. Like taking a picture of something interesting you discovered on your morning walk or a selfie of you with your favorite tree in the background or in a kookier setting, basically something to remind him of you. In turn, he may do the same.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am unemployed. I continued school for a few extra years and now find myself with what I've dubbed a useless degree. As I speak to my family and friends about jobs I am interviewing for, they typically say something along the lines of: "You're too good for that job."

Whether or not I am overqualified for a bartending or waitressing job does not matter to me any longer. I may have more education than I need, but I need a job, and no one seems to be offering. I am ready to make money, and I don't need to be judged for whatever line of work I can get into. My family seems to be so overbearing about me getting a job in my field -- to the point where I just don't want to speak to them about my job hunt. I just need money! Is it that important to get a job in the field I studied? -- Need Cash, Baltimore

DEAR NEED CASH: Stop complaining to your family and go to recruiters, or scour the want ads to look for options. When you go for interviews, be upbeat. When asked why you are trying out for a job that doesn't seem like a great match, be honest. You want to work. You are a hard worker, and you will make them proud.

Explain what qualities you bring to that company, no matter who it is, so that you seem appealing for that job specifically. If asked why you aren't pursuing your field of interest, explain that you will again, but right now you want to get to work, and you are ready to give this company your all.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of two children, a 7-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy. I have been worrying about my son's development in comparison to his older sister. When she was 2 years old, she was running about and speaking in full sentences. My son is still clumsy, and I just feel like he hasn't been developing like his sister did.

I have seen doctors, and they say children develop at different rates. However, both of these children have had the same environment to grow up in! I am worried that my son is falling behind developmentally. My husband isn't home enough to see the difference between how our kids are developing, but he admits it is a bit harder to get my son to listen and connect in a conversation. I have been trying to set up play dates with other boys his age to see if he is truly behind. Am I going too far? I just want to make sure my son is growing up and developing correctly. -- Mama Bear, Dallas

DEAR MAMA BEAR: It is true that children develop differently, in virtually every way. There are also markers for development. You can check with your son's pediatrician to ensure that he is meeting those developmental markers. You can also consult a behavioral specialist to get a second opinion. Meanwhile, it's a great idea to continue to match him up with play dates, not just to observe him. You need to find comfort zones for him so that he can flourish. If you identify children who naturally fit his rhythm, you may find that he matures differently.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I caught my preteen daughter on social media about a month ago. She is 11 years old, and I don't want her publicly posting photographs or messages for the world to see. You never know who is out there. I want her to stop, but she's sneaking around my rules and still posting from her phone and laptop. It's like I can't control her.

I don't want to back down from my social media ban, but she's not listening to me at all. Is it time to give up? If she's acting like this now, I don't know how I'll be able to keep her under control as a teenager. -- Too Many Hormones, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TOO MANY HORMONES: Rather than shut her off from social media completely -- you may not be able to control that, anyway -- learn as much as you can about parental controls and talk to her about boundaries. She can use many social media platforms engaging private settings that will allow only people she has approved to view her posts. You can make it a requirement that you be able see her posts whenever you want.

If she refuses, you can take her phone away for a period of time. Just know that she can probably access her accounts via other friends' smartphones or computers. It is essential for the two of you to develop a way to communicate with each other so that you can both hear what the other is saying. Be frank with your daughter about the types of people and messages that should be red flags. Stay alert.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)