life

Mom Worries About Toddler's Development

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 9th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of two children, a 7-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy. I have been worrying about my son's development in comparison to his older sister. When she was 2 years old, she was running about and speaking in full sentences. My son is still clumsy, and I just feel like he hasn't been developing like his sister did.

I have seen doctors, and they say children develop at different rates. However, both of these children have had the same environment to grow up in! I am worried that my son is falling behind developmentally. My husband isn't home enough to see the difference between how our kids are developing, but he admits it is a bit harder to get my son to listen and connect in a conversation. I have been trying to set up play dates with other boys his age to see if he is truly behind. Am I going too far? I just want to make sure my son is growing up and developing correctly. -- Mama Bear, Dallas

DEAR MAMA BEAR: It is true that children develop differently, in virtually every way. There are also markers for development. You can check with your son's pediatrician to ensure that he is meeting those developmental markers. You can also consult a behavioral specialist to get a second opinion. Meanwhile, it's a great idea to continue to match him up with play dates, not just to observe him. You need to find comfort zones for him so that he can flourish. If you identify children who naturally fit his rhythm, you may find that he matures differently.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 09, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 9th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I caught my preteen daughter on social media about a month ago. She is 11 years old, and I don't want her publicly posting photographs or messages for the world to see. You never know who is out there. I want her to stop, but she's sneaking around my rules and still posting from her phone and laptop. It's like I can't control her.

I don't want to back down from my social media ban, but she's not listening to me at all. Is it time to give up? If she's acting like this now, I don't know how I'll be able to keep her under control as a teenager. -- Too Many Hormones, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TOO MANY HORMONES: Rather than shut her off from social media completely -- you may not be able to control that, anyway -- learn as much as you can about parental controls and talk to her about boundaries. She can use many social media platforms engaging private settings that will allow only people she has approved to view her posts. You can make it a requirement that you be able see her posts whenever you want.

If she refuses, you can take her phone away for a period of time. Just know that she can probably access her accounts via other friends' smartphones or computers. It is essential for the two of you to develop a way to communicate with each other so that you can both hear what the other is saying. Be frank with your daughter about the types of people and messages that should be red flags. Stay alert.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Running Ragged in New Position

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 7th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am finding myself going crazy. I accepted a new management role within my company about four months ago, and while I should be happy, I cannot be any more stressed. I'm rushing, so I'm not eating well. I haven't been sleeping right, and gym time has been nonexistent. I'm meeting my deadlines and executing my work well, but I know this is not going to be a sustainable strategy. How can I get some order back in my life so I can regain my sanity and my health? -- Not Trying to Die at 40, Philadelphia

DEAR NOT TRYING TO DIE AT 40: I recently attended a conference where Magic Johnson spoke. He described his action-packed day as starting at 4:30 a.m. in the gym, where he works out for two hours to start his day. He recommended fitting the exercise in as a way to have the energy to do all of the work before him. Because fitness was a top priority, he did not allow it to be compromised. I restarted my exercise campaign and recommend the same to you!

Health & SafetyWork & School
life

Dad's New Girlfriend Creeps Out Reader

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 7th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad is seriously starting to creep me out. Last year, he had to pick me up from a college class because my car broke down. After getting lost on his way to me, he met a young woman who also attended my school. She helped him find me, and they started talking and exchanged numbers. I didn't read too deep into it at first because my dad is a friendly guy.

Over the next couple of weeks, I noticed my dad on the phone more. I know him, and I know when he's up to something. A few weeks ago, he asked me to come over to his house. I guess he forgot because when I came in, he was on the couch kissing the girl! I was disgusted. She's young enough to be his daughter -- literally. I cannot believe he had the audacity to go after such a young woman. He tried to calm me down and told me that he was very much "in love" with her. He went on to say that there's no one else out there for him.

My dad is 56, and the girl is 22. I just find the relationship inappropriate -- especially since she goes to my school. I think my dad just doesn't want to face the fact that he's getting older, so he's clinging to her. How do I get my father to see that it's OK to grow old? -- Concerned Daughter, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR CONCERNED DAUGHTER: You can tell your father how you feel, and you can choose to keep your distance. What you cannot do is dictate who he dates. This may be his mid-life crisis, or the relationship may stick. Step back for now, and let it run its course, out of your line of sight.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Reader Needs to Defend Daughter From Judgment

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 6th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 16-year-old daughter recently came out to me. I was happy, because it seemed like I started seeing a level of happiness in my child that I have not seen since she was 13. The problem is that some of our family members are not as happy. One of her aunts in particular loves to send me articles about how homosexuals are turning the world upside down and persecuting Christians.

We recently went to a family gathering, and she said something blatantly offensive. My daughter was quiet for the rest of the evening. The next day, we got into an argument because she felt like I should have stuck up for her. I was quiet because I did not want to cause a rift in the family. Do you think my daughter was right? Is she right to say that I should have stuck up for her? Any help would be appreciated. -- Between My Daughter and a Hard Place, Grand Rapids, Michigan

DEAR BETWEEN MY DAUGHTER AND A HARD PLACE: Your daughter coming out to you as she works to claim herself fully was likely huge for her. Yes, she needs her parent to defend her, just as you would about anything else. Even if you are conflicted about what it means for your child to be a lesbian, you can fiercely defend her. You should tell the aunt to stop sending you literature. When you next receive it, return it to her. Call the aunt and tell her you do not appreciate the way that she spoke to your daughter. Tell her to back off. And let your daughter know you did that.

Whatever people believe, they do not have the right to denigrate others, especially family members. Tell auntie to keep her opinions to herself.

Family & ParentingEtiquette & EthicsSex & Gender
life

Reader Wants to Help Vegan Daughter Find Food

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 6th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Our family has deep roots in the South and a deep love of soul food. Well, everyone except for my daughter. She recently became a vegan. We are very big meat eaters, so she does not want to eat anything I fix for the family anymore. When I didn't want to eat what my parents made, I used to make my own dinner. However, between afterschool activities, AP courses and a part-time job, I know that's not going to be reasonable. How can I respect her lifestyle choice while not driving myself crazy? -- No More Very Picky Vegans, Cincinnati

DEAR NO MORE VERY PICKY VEGANS: Your daughter would be thrilled if you added some vegan dishes into your family meals. This will show your clear support for her. You can also let her know that you expect her to learn how to prepare these dishes for herself. Schedule times on weekends when you cook together. Make it clear that you want to support her eating choices and her rigorous academic and extracurricular schedule, but that she has to do her part, too. This will be important for her life, as she will not be able to rely on others to accommodate her new dietary restrictions. In order to commit to a vegan diet, she will have to cook for herself.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingHealth & SafetyEtiquette & Ethics

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