DEAR HARRIETTE: My 16-year-old daughter recently came out to me. I was happy, because it seemed like I started seeing a level of happiness in my child that I have not seen since she was 13. The problem is that some of our family members are not as happy. One of her aunts in particular loves to send me articles about how homosexuals are turning the world upside down and persecuting Christians.

We recently went to a family gathering, and she said something blatantly offensive. My daughter was quiet for the rest of the evening. The next day, we got into an argument because she felt like I should have stuck up for her. I was quiet because I did not want to cause a rift in the family. Do you think my daughter was right? Is she right to say that I should have stuck up for her? Any help would be appreciated. -- Between My Daughter and a Hard Place, Grand Rapids, Michigan

DEAR BETWEEN MY DAUGHTER AND A HARD PLACE: Your daughter coming out to you as she works to claim herself fully was likely huge for her. Yes, she needs her parent to defend her, just as you would about anything else. Even if you are conflicted about what it means for your child to be a lesbian, you can fiercely defend her. You should tell the aunt to stop sending you literature. When you next receive it, return it to her. Call the aunt and tell her you do not appreciate the way that she spoke to your daughter. Tell her to back off. And let your daughter know you did that.

Whatever people believe, they do not have the right to denigrate others, especially family members. Tell auntie to keep her opinions to herself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Our family has deep roots in the South and a deep love of soul food. Well, everyone except for my daughter. She recently became a vegan. We are very big meat eaters, so she does not want to eat anything I fix for the family anymore. When I didn't want to eat what my parents made, I used to make my own dinner. However, between afterschool activities, AP courses and a part-time job, I know that's not going to be reasonable. How can I respect her lifestyle choice while not driving myself crazy? -- No More Very Picky Vegans, Cincinnati

DEAR NO MORE VERY PICKY VEGANS: Your daughter would be thrilled if you added some vegan dishes into your family meals. This will show your clear support for her. You can also let her know that you expect her to learn how to prepare these dishes for herself. Schedule times on weekends when you cook together. Make it clear that you want to support her eating choices and her rigorous academic and extracurricular schedule, but that she has to do her part, too. This will be important for her life, as she will not be able to rely on others to accommodate her new dietary restrictions. In order to commit to a vegan diet, she will have to cook for herself.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom is older than she likes to admit. Despite her having back and hip pain, arthritis and high cholesterol, she still tries to keep up with the younger crowd. Just last week I went to see her, and she had dyed her hair blue, bought a new set of clothes and tried to go to the club. My mother's apartment manager keeps calling me to complain about her playing Future's music at maximum volume all day and night. I just don't understand it.

When I asked her why she was acting the way she was, she didn't have a real reason. She said that before she dies, she wants to live. I was confused by what she meant. I'm still confused. She went from being this sweet, quiet mom to acting like an unruly teenager. How can I get her to see that "living" doesn't mean you have to change yourself? To me, she was great the way she was. Now she wants to get tattoos, attend music festivals like Coachella and hang out all night long.

I don't think my mom is being who she really is. She's trying to imitate what she sees younger women and girls doing, and it doesn't look good on her. It's causing a lot of her neighborhood friends to become annoyed with her, too. I need help breaking through to her because talking to her isn't working. I'm the daughter, not the other way around. I don't know what else to do with her. -- Save My Mommy, Greenwood, Indiana

DEAR SAVE MY MOMMY: Guess what? Your mother is an adult, and you cannot control her actions. This may be a kooky phase that she has to experience and others have to endure. Rather than judging her for her actions, try listening to her. What is she talking about these days? What made her choose to dye her hair blue? Learn about her choices, as this may lead to you learning about the root cause of this dramatic change in behavior.

For practical purposes, you can recommend that she turn her music down and be mindful of her neighbors. Other than that, you are going to have to ride it out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My anniversary is coming up, and I really want my husband to do something special, but I doubt it will happen. He rarely initiates anything in our relationship. But a girl can still dream, right? How can I get him to understand that I would really appreciate a little initiative this year? -- Step Up, Detroit

DEAR STEP UP: Sweetly ask your husband to take you to dinner for your anniversary -- or whatever else you would like. Ask him to pick the restaurant this year. Tell him it would make you so happy if he planned it this time. If he agrees, remind him when you get closer to the date. You can ask, "Hey, honey, have you selected the restaurant yet? I can't wait to learn where we will go. What time is the reservation?" Your questions may serve as important reminders for him.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: With the sudden death of Prince and the potential that prescription drugs had something to do with it, my whole friend group is rattled. We are, of course, saddened about him, but even more, we secretly use a lot of these drugs for pain.

One of my girlfriends has chronic back pain, and I know she takes a hefty dose of oxycodone. Another is on antidepressants. And I sometimes have to take pain medicine for different reasons. All of us have occasionally taken these medications with a glass of wine.

I'm scared now about how much it takes to actually overdose. I always thought it was taking a handful of pills, like if you wanted to die. Now I'm learning that it is much more subtle than that. How can I bring this up to my friends to help protect us? -- Pill Threshold, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PILL THRESHOLD: Start by talking directly with your doctor about the medications you are taking and the risks involved in altering the usage in any way as well as the effects that alcohol may have on them in your body. This is critical. Every person reacts differently to medicine, so you must find out about your own body to be safe.

As far as your friends go, you can share whatever you learn from your doctor and encourage them to visit their physicians. Generally speaking, whenever the warning on a medication says not to consume alcohol with it, you shouldn't do it. Period. If you can't help yourself, it is time to seek medical help immediately.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant works for me part-time two days a week. The other days, she works for another company with more rigid hours. I am finding that she is pretty lax about coming to work on time, and she often has other work up on her computer when I walk by. She has been loyal to me for several years, so I don't want to fire her. I do need her to stop taking my kindness as permission to be unprofessional. What should I say? -- Reeling Her In, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR REELING HER IN: Sit down with your assistant and ask her why she comes to work late and why she thinks it is OK to do her other work while in your office. Let her answer. Then tell her that you do not appreciate her lackadaisical attitude. As much as you want to continue to work with her, you need her to be on time and remain focused while she is in your office. Ask her if she believes she can honor that commitment.

Observe her to see if she falls into line. If not, this may be a sign that it is time to make a transition. If that's your decision, talk to her about it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)