DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom is older than she likes to admit. Despite her having back and hip pain, arthritis and high cholesterol, she still tries to keep up with the younger crowd. Just last week I went to see her, and she had dyed her hair blue, bought a new set of clothes and tried to go to the club. My mother's apartment manager keeps calling me to complain about her playing Future's music at maximum volume all day and night. I just don't understand it.

When I asked her why she was acting the way she was, she didn't have a real reason. She said that before she dies, she wants to live. I was confused by what she meant. I'm still confused. She went from being this sweet, quiet mom to acting like an unruly teenager. How can I get her to see that "living" doesn't mean you have to change yourself? To me, she was great the way she was. Now she wants to get tattoos, attend music festivals like Coachella and hang out all night long.

I don't think my mom is being who she really is. She's trying to imitate what she sees younger women and girls doing, and it doesn't look good on her. It's causing a lot of her neighborhood friends to become annoyed with her, too. I need help breaking through to her because talking to her isn't working. I'm the daughter, not the other way around. I don't know what else to do with her. -- Save My Mommy, Greenwood, Indiana

DEAR SAVE MY MOMMY: Guess what? Your mother is an adult, and you cannot control her actions. This may be a kooky phase that she has to experience and others have to endure. Rather than judging her for her actions, try listening to her. What is she talking about these days? What made her choose to dye her hair blue? Learn about her choices, as this may lead to you learning about the root cause of this dramatic change in behavior.

For practical purposes, you can recommend that she turn her music down and be mindful of her neighbors. Other than that, you are going to have to ride it out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My anniversary is coming up, and I really want my husband to do something special, but I doubt it will happen. He rarely initiates anything in our relationship. But a girl can still dream, right? How can I get him to understand that I would really appreciate a little initiative this year? -- Step Up, Detroit

DEAR STEP UP: Sweetly ask your husband to take you to dinner for your anniversary -- or whatever else you would like. Ask him to pick the restaurant this year. Tell him it would make you so happy if he planned it this time. If he agrees, remind him when you get closer to the date. You can ask, "Hey, honey, have you selected the restaurant yet? I can't wait to learn where we will go. What time is the reservation?" Your questions may serve as important reminders for him.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: With the sudden death of Prince and the potential that prescription drugs had something to do with it, my whole friend group is rattled. We are, of course, saddened about him, but even more, we secretly use a lot of these drugs for pain.

One of my girlfriends has chronic back pain, and I know she takes a hefty dose of oxycodone. Another is on antidepressants. And I sometimes have to take pain medicine for different reasons. All of us have occasionally taken these medications with a glass of wine.

I'm scared now about how much it takes to actually overdose. I always thought it was taking a handful of pills, like if you wanted to die. Now I'm learning that it is much more subtle than that. How can I bring this up to my friends to help protect us? -- Pill Threshold, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PILL THRESHOLD: Start by talking directly with your doctor about the medications you are taking and the risks involved in altering the usage in any way as well as the effects that alcohol may have on them in your body. This is critical. Every person reacts differently to medicine, so you must find out about your own body to be safe.

As far as your friends go, you can share whatever you learn from your doctor and encourage them to visit their physicians. Generally speaking, whenever the warning on a medication says not to consume alcohol with it, you shouldn't do it. Period. If you can't help yourself, it is time to seek medical help immediately.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant works for me part-time two days a week. The other days, she works for another company with more rigid hours. I am finding that she is pretty lax about coming to work on time, and she often has other work up on her computer when I walk by. She has been loyal to me for several years, so I don't want to fire her. I do need her to stop taking my kindness as permission to be unprofessional. What should I say? -- Reeling Her In, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR REELING HER IN: Sit down with your assistant and ask her why she comes to work late and why she thinks it is OK to do her other work while in your office. Let her answer. Then tell her that you do not appreciate her lackadaisical attitude. As much as you want to continue to work with her, you need her to be on time and remain focused while she is in your office. Ask her if she believes she can honor that commitment.

Observe her to see if she falls into line. If not, this may be a sign that it is time to make a transition. If that's your decision, talk to her about it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is eight years younger than me. We've been married for 10 years now, and our age difference has never been an issue.

As we get older and grow together, I notice that I'm conscious and concerned about worldly issues. I enjoy museums and documentaries. My husband will watch and participate in those things because I do. What he really likes is going out all night clubbing or to concerts. I do like to participate in those things, but that's not my only source of entertainment.

As we get older, I see myself heading one way and him in another direction. I don't know if that scares me or if I should be thankful that I realize it now. We were friends before anything, so I know that if we did separate, we would be able to still be cordial.

I want to do more with my life than just clubbing and hanging out. He doesn't understand, though. To him, he's young, and that's what he should be doing. He told me, "I have all the time in the world to become boring. I'm young. I want to have fun before I no longer can." When he said that, my heart dropped. I didn't know that he found my new interests "boring" and old. How do we stop our age difference from creating a huge wedge in our relationship? -- The Gap, Philadelphia

DEAR THE GAP: You two need to talk. You chose each other. It doesn't sound like you need to split. More, it sounds like you need to create a plan where you enjoy each other's interests occasionally as you make space to allow each other to do your own thing. As long as your husband's clubbing or your museum hopping doesn't lead you into someone else's arms, it's OK for you to have your personal pursuits. Your goal, though, should be to carve out shared interests that you both genuinely enjoy and want to do together so that your time apart is less stressful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think my sister has a spending problem. It seems like every time she gets a check, she's out the door to a store. Now with online shopping so popular, she doesn't even have to leave home to make a purchase. She is constantly buying and returning things, which leaves my head spinning.

At the same time, though, she's 30 and still lives at home. I don't think she's even considering moving into her own place. How can I get her to realize that she shouldn't live with our parents for life and that she has to save money in order to move? I'm still in high school, but I do not plan on staying here. -- Mad at Sis, Denver

DEAR MAD AT SIS: Your parents are the ones who can best help her by requiring that she pay rent, even if they save it to give back to her. She needs to see repercussions of her spending habits in order to consider changing. If this is potentially an addiction, you could print something up to show her what spending addicts do and encourage her to go to debtorsanonymous.org for support. She may need to crash financially before she wakes up.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)