DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is a bit of a bookworm. He used to attend robotics camps, but I've noticed a difference in him as he's entered high school. Gone is the "Star Wars" obsession and love for extra math problems. I think my son is trying to better his social ranking in high school and is doing all of the things "cool kids" do, like not care about homework.

The final straw came when I got home and saw that beer had been taken out of the fridge. I assume my son had some sort of get-together in which underage children drank alcohol. I wouldn't know for sure because my son refuses to confess. I didn't drink the beer, my wife didn't drink the beer and my 6-year-old daughter did not drink the beer.

I want to show my son that you don't have to throw parties to be popular. I am disappointed that he drank beer, and I am worried about him and his self-esteem. Should I punish him for drinking my beers? I think he's desperately trying to make friends, but I don't want him going to these lengths and lying to me. -- Something's Brewing, Detroit

DEAR SOMETHING'S BREWING: Two things need to happen. First, your son must learn the consequences of his actions. If you know he is responsible for the beer consumption, he needs some kind of punishment for lying and underage drinking. Even more, you need to get him to talk about what's happening at school. Remind him of the importance of keeping his values, even as he expands his friend group. Stay as close to him as you can so that you can know when to be of support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is very ambitious. He has a lot of goals and dreams that he wants to accomplish; however, he's not the best at time management. Lately, I haven't seen him at all -- and we live in the same house! All he does is work all day and all night. He never had much of a social life because he was always so consumed in work.

I'm worried about him. If he were to lose his job, what would his mental state be? I feel like he views himself as worthless without his job. How do I show him that it's not about work all the time? He deserves to go out and have a social life. How do I raise my brother's self-esteem so that he doesn't hide behind his work all the time?

With or without his job, he's an awesome brother. He should know that and carry himself as such. I just want him to be happy. He hasn't had a girlfriend in ages. He's young. He should be out living life. All he does is work. He needs to see other things besides the four walls of his office. There's so much more in life. Why spend your life hiding from it all behind a desk? -- Tired of This Workaholic, Suffolk County, New York

DEAR TIRED OF THIS WORKAHOLIC: When starting a career, people often work a lot of hours. You can tell your brother you miss him and are proud of him, but don't stand in the way of his focus. He connects his value to his job, which may be OK for a while. You and your brother may not share the same values regarding happiness. What you can do is love him unconditionally and make sure he knows that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Both of my parents have pretty bad arthritis. They are in their 80s and live in Florida in a senior community. When I visited them this past weekend, I made them a meal. As I pulled open a drawer, I saw a bag of marijuana along with wrapped Rice Krispie treats and brownies. There were also lighters and a small smoking piece in this drawer. My parents were in their living room as I was making food, but they clearly have no intent to hide this.

I am stunned. When I was caught smoking pot as a teenager, my father kicked me out of the house for two days! Seeing marijuana in their possession truly surprised me. I recall my father constantly giving me jabs and calling me a "loser pothead" when I was in college. I'm not quite sure what to make of my discovery.

I would love to call out my parents on being hypocrites, but don't want to hurt their feelings. I assume they use marijuana to ease body pain. I am not sure why they are using drugs, but I would like an apology for years of berating me for consuming a fraction of what they have now. -- Pot Calling Kettle, Orlando, Florida

DEAR POT CALLING KETTLE: Here's a perfect time for humor. Clearly, your parents have evolved since your childhood. They probably have marijuana for their ailments and use it medicinally. Note to you: They are using it for very different reasons than you were recreationally in your youth.

That said, you can bring it up, let your parents know what you found and even say, "Hey, now you know why I liked it so much!" Try to spark a laugh rather than reprimanding them or even asking for an apology. You can forgive them without it. Instead, get them to talk about their lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for almost two years. Throughout our relationship, my husband has stressed how important his father is to him. Picking up on his cue, I go out of my way to speak to his father at family gatherings. Alone time with my father-in-law is, quite frankly, awkward and unpleasant. He makes it seem like I am never interesting enough for him, and has made a point to bring up ex-girlfriends.

I'm sick of trying to reach out to my father-in-law and have him like me. He is such a curmudgeon who clearly doesn't want to know me. I keep this from my husband because I know how fond he is of his father, but Iam at my wits' end. My husband recently suggested we all go on a hike together, and I think I am just too grumpy to continue on trying to please my father-in-law. Is it time for me to come clean to my husband? -- Not Daddy's Girl, Syracuse

DEAR NOT DADDY'S GIRL: Tell your husband how stressed you are about the way his father treats you. Ask for his support. Let him know you are ready to give up on building a relationship with his father because he is consistently disrespectful. Ask your husband to intervene.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always felt uneasy meeting with people alone. One-on-one meetings give me anxiety. I used to have a job where people understood this, but at my new job, I am not sure how to get this message across. One of my co-workers understands and comes to meetings to sit in with me. No one really understands my anxiety toward one-on-one meetings, and the more frustrated I get with myself, the more anxious I become.

I work at a communications firm and cannot get through a meeting with my boss without needing a break. If I get fired, I'm not sure if I could say I was discriminated against. I don't want to have to think so negatively, but my anxiety is truly impacting how I do my job. Should I mention to my boss that firing me could be seen as discrimination? -- Struggling on the Job, Philadelphia

DEAR STRUGGLING ON THE JOB: I recommend that you get psychological support. If you have insurance, find a psychologist who is covered by your plan. If you don't, look for affordable professionals in your area. The point is to get help to work through your anxiety. There is likely some underlying reason for your discomfort that you may be able to work through so that you can be released from your fear.

Rather than trying to fight with your boss about discrimination, tell him about your apprehension and ask for his patience as you work through it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After downsizing since our children moved out, my wife took it upon herself to develop her passion for interior design. I love my wife, and I love supporting her. However, she does not have the eye for design that she thinks she does. Our current home gives me the creeps. Everything is very dark, and the art is haunting. Our home has gone through minor redecorating in the past year, but my wife seems to be stuck in this haunted gothic theme.

I want to hire a new designer. I really don't like my home or feel comfortable inviting people over. I mentioned this a few weeks ago, and my wife was a bit offended. I can't continue to live in a haunted house. Should I have a designer come in and see what changes can be made? I feel like someone needs to talk some sense into my wife. -- Wanting Bright and Happy, Dallas

DEAR WANTING BRIGHT AND HAPPY: Do not hire another decorator just yet. Instead, have a direct conversation with your wife. Find out what's going on with her. The darkness is likely an indication of her state of mind. Perhaps she is sad because your children are gone, and this is a manifestation of her mourning. Get her to talk about what's going on with her. Offer to go to counseling together to work through whatever may be bothering her.

Also, let her know that the darkness in your home is making you uncomfortable, and you need to brighten up the house some. Ask her if you can work on it together. Find out if she is amenable to working with a designer to make some new touches.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)