DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always felt uneasy meeting with people alone. One-on-one meetings give me anxiety. I used to have a job where people understood this, but at my new job, I am not sure how to get this message across. One of my co-workers understands and comes to meetings to sit in with me. No one really understands my anxiety toward one-on-one meetings, and the more frustrated I get with myself, the more anxious I become.

I work at a communications firm and cannot get through a meeting with my boss without needing a break. If I get fired, I'm not sure if I could say I was discriminated against. I don't want to have to think so negatively, but my anxiety is truly impacting how I do my job. Should I mention to my boss that firing me could be seen as discrimination? -- Struggling on the Job, Philadelphia

DEAR STRUGGLING ON THE JOB: I recommend that you get psychological support. If you have insurance, find a psychologist who is covered by your plan. If you don't, look for affordable professionals in your area. The point is to get help to work through your anxiety. There is likely some underlying reason for your discomfort that you may be able to work through so that you can be released from your fear.

Rather than trying to fight with your boss about discrimination, tell him about your apprehension and ask for his patience as you work through it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After downsizing since our children moved out, my wife took it upon herself to develop her passion for interior design. I love my wife, and I love supporting her. However, she does not have the eye for design that she thinks she does. Our current home gives me the creeps. Everything is very dark, and the art is haunting. Our home has gone through minor redecorating in the past year, but my wife seems to be stuck in this haunted gothic theme.

I want to hire a new designer. I really don't like my home or feel comfortable inviting people over. I mentioned this a few weeks ago, and my wife was a bit offended. I can't continue to live in a haunted house. Should I have a designer come in and see what changes can be made? I feel like someone needs to talk some sense into my wife. -- Wanting Bright and Happy, Dallas

DEAR WANTING BRIGHT AND HAPPY: Do not hire another decorator just yet. Instead, have a direct conversation with your wife. Find out what's going on with her. The darkness is likely an indication of her state of mind. Perhaps she is sad because your children are gone, and this is a manifestation of her mourning. Get her to talk about what's going on with her. Offer to go to counseling together to work through whatever may be bothering her.

Also, let her know that the darkness in your home is making you uncomfortable, and you need to brighten up the house some. Ask her if you can work on it together. Find out if she is amenable to working with a designer to make some new touches.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't know if I'm going in the right direction. I hate my job, but it pays the bills. It also allows me to live comfortably. I want a job that I love that allows me to live this way.

My boss is mean and insensitive to anyone else's issues or needs. He wants things done when and how he says to do them. The opinionated don't last long here, and it's time for me to leave, but I can't. I still have bills to pay and goals to meet. I just can't take his attitudes and negative energy anymore.

Should I leave? Or should I just stick it out and wait for the right time? I know it's not the smartest thing to do so suddenly, but I've reached my limit. I want a boss who is understanding and treats his or her workers as equals. In the meantime, I deserve a boss who's respectful and positive. -- Respect Trumps Money, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR RESPECT TRUMPS MONEY: Take a deep breath, and make a plan. Start looking for another job -- and do not quit until you find one. Remain positive and friendly. Follow your boss's directions, and remember that you work for him. You may not like his ways, but he is the boss. Always speak to your boss professionally, and make sure you have outside activities to balance your day. You cannot change him, but with patience and time, you can change your job.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently opened a business with my best friend. I came up with the service, and my friend provided the funds. Last weekend, he asked me on a date. Feeling as though our relationship shouldn't go past being business-related, I declined his offer. He immediately became irritated and upset. The whole ride back to the office, he said nothing.

Yesterday, I walked in to work to find that he left for Miami. His secretary informed me that he left to sign a deal bringing another owner in to our company. How dare he bring another owner in to this company without consulting me? It's my company! Yes, he provided the funding for the company, but the idea, the layout, etc. was all me.

Due to him not consulting me about a new owner, do I have the right to sue him? The company was my idea. I don't like the thought of someone else having the ability to change it. -- Mine, Denver

DEAR MINE: You need a lawyer -- and fast! Starting a business with a friend can be tricky. Yes, it works sometimes, but it can get messy, as you are experiencing. Consult an attorney and explain everything about the setup of your business. If you have not already set up legal parameters, try to do so now.

As far as the dynamics between the two of you, schedule a meeting with your "best friend." Tell him why you declined the date. Ask him what he is up to regarding the business structure. Suggest that you refresh your agreement so that your business does not suffer.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Growing up, I was considered a beautiful child. I had long brown hair, almond-shaped eyes, a round nose and full lips. I stood 4 feet 11 inches tall in sixth grade, and I was super skinny.

In those days, my friends always had boyfriends. I was a studious nerd. I would constantly talk about real-world issues, and boys my age weren't interested in that. I felt that there was something wrong with me. Any guy who I ever liked slated me as a "sister" or "best friend," when I didn't want that. As a result, I began to take whatever would come my way, because it seemed that nobody wanted me.

At 20 years old, I'm still going through the same problems. I even went as far as dumbing myself down so I can date in my age group. In the end, though, I've realized that's not me. I want to discuss real-world issues, debate and get opinions on things going on around me. How do I stop dumbing myself down? Where do I find "the one" that everyone talks about? How do you know for sure? -- Young and Curious, Memphis

DEAR YOUNG AND CURIOUS: Do not dumb yourself down. That will not make you happy, and it is not sustainable. Instead, think about the public activities that make you happy. Sign up to do those things. Pay attention so that you notice the men who enjoy those things as well. Consider joining an art museum, sports club or social club.

Recognize that your guy may be a little older than you. If you want a date who is interested in talking about "real-world issues," you may be looking for someone who is more mature.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got out of a bad relationship. By "recently", I mean four years ago. My friends make that seem like a lifetime. I know it's been a while since I've dated anybody, but I feel like the next man I date should meet my standards. My friends think they know what's best for me, though. They constantly set me up on blind dates, which have failed time after time.

I feel like if I get another boyfriend, it should happen on its own time. I don't need to go out searching high and low for love. It'll come to me when I'm ready to receive it -- not when my friends are ready to see me with somebody. I've told them this. It goes in one ear and out the other.

What do I do? Do I confront them and tell them to stay out of my love life? They shouldn't be allowed to dictate my life, even if their intentions are good. I just want them to respect my decisions the same way I respect theirs. -- Respect Is Key, Mackinaw City, Michigan

DEAR RESPECT IS KEY: Tell your friends you love them, but you need to draw a line. Ask them once and for all to stop with the blind dates -- you do not have to accept them. If they keep inviting blind dates to join your group, stop hanging out with them until they get the message.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)