DEAR HARRIETTE: Growing up, I was considered a beautiful child. I had long brown hair, almond-shaped eyes, a round nose and full lips. I stood 4 feet 11 inches tall in sixth grade, and I was super skinny.

In those days, my friends always had boyfriends. I was a studious nerd. I would constantly talk about real-world issues, and boys my age weren't interested in that. I felt that there was something wrong with me. Any guy who I ever liked slated me as a "sister" or "best friend," when I didn't want that. As a result, I began to take whatever would come my way, because it seemed that nobody wanted me.

At 20 years old, I'm still going through the same problems. I even went as far as dumbing myself down so I can date in my age group. In the end, though, I've realized that's not me. I want to discuss real-world issues, debate and get opinions on things going on around me. How do I stop dumbing myself down? Where do I find "the one" that everyone talks about? How do you know for sure? -- Young and Curious, Memphis

DEAR YOUNG AND CURIOUS: Do not dumb yourself down. That will not make you happy, and it is not sustainable. Instead, think about the public activities that make you happy. Sign up to do those things. Pay attention so that you notice the men who enjoy those things as well. Consider joining an art museum, sports club or social club.

Recognize that your guy may be a little older than you. If you want a date who is interested in talking about "real-world issues," you may be looking for someone who is more mature.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got out of a bad relationship. By "recently", I mean four years ago. My friends make that seem like a lifetime. I know it's been a while since I've dated anybody, but I feel like the next man I date should meet my standards. My friends think they know what's best for me, though. They constantly set me up on blind dates, which have failed time after time.

I feel like if I get another boyfriend, it should happen on its own time. I don't need to go out searching high and low for love. It'll come to me when I'm ready to receive it -- not when my friends are ready to see me with somebody. I've told them this. It goes in one ear and out the other.

What do I do? Do I confront them and tell them to stay out of my love life? They shouldn't be allowed to dictate my life, even if their intentions are good. I just want them to respect my decisions the same way I respect theirs. -- Respect Is Key, Mackinaw City, Michigan

DEAR RESPECT IS KEY: Tell your friends you love them, but you need to draw a line. Ask them once and for all to stop with the blind dates -- you do not have to accept them. If they keep inviting blind dates to join your group, stop hanging out with them until they get the message.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received the scare of my life yesterday when my 3-year-old opened our front door by himself and walked outside. I was moving laundry from the washer to the dryer downstairs, and when I came back up, he was gone. I quickly found him running down the street toward the park, but I was so scared and angry. God knows what could have happened to my son.

I am angry at myself for letting him see how the door is opened and closed. He has clearly seen my husband and me locking and unlocking our front door and learned what to do. My son is under constant supervision until we can figure out what to do. I completely support adding locks higher up on our door.

My husband is being incredibly unsupportive. He isn't taking this incident seriously at all! He just said that we should be grateful our son is smart. I can't believe he doesn't feel as shocked and angry as me. Am I overreacting? I haven't told any of my friends about the incident at the risk of seeming like a bad mother. -- Runaway Toddler

DEAR RUNAWAY TODDLER: What your husband may not know is that you can be arrested for allowing this to happen, or your child could be taken from you by Child Services. It is very serious. You are absolutely right to be concerned. And you need to set up safeguards that will prevent your child from getting out in the future. This includes teaching your child, even at his young age, what he should and should not do. Reinforce the rules always.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As wedding season is approaching, I already have a few invitations and save the dates. I love weddings and the union I get to witness. However, weddings get expensive, and I am on a tight budget. I always make sure to give the bride and groom a present, and this comes at the expense of me wearing the same dress to every wedding.

I attended a beautiful ceremony this past weekend and wore my go-to wedding dress. There, one of my friends asked me if I had worn the same dress to two previous weddings. I confirmed, and I believe I saw judgment in her face. I never thought my fashion choices were supposed to reflect how I feel about the wedding. It's not my fault that all of my friends are getting married! I want to see them have the happiest day of their lives and not worry about who is looking at me. Is re-wearing the same dress to weddings a sign of disrespect? If so, how can I tweak my dress so no one will realize I am wearing the same one? -- Reduce, Reuse, Re-Wear, Milwaukee

DEAR REDUCE, REUSE, RE-WEAR: You are so smart to figure out a way to be there for your friends and offer them a gift. The next time someone asks you about your recycled dress, tell them your story. It is inspiring that you choose a gift over a dress. You can use accessories to change the look of a dress.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is a gorgeous woman. I always appreciate her beauty -- inside and out -- but have been having an issue with some of the photos she chooses to decorate her home with. She has done many nude photo shoots. These photo shoots are with hired photographers, so they are solely in her possession. However, she hangs nude portraits of herself by her fireplace, in upstairs hallways and even in her bedroom. I myself don't have a problem with this, but I have two boys and don't want them seeing my friend nude. I try to not take my boys over to her house frequently, and she has recently started questioning where they are.

I never want my children thinking that nude bodies are something to be ashamed of; I just do not want them seeing my friend in the nude. How can I tactfully communicate this to my friend? I don't want her thinking I don't support her shoots. -- Don't Look Too Close, Philadelphia

DEAR DON'T LOOK TOO CLOSE: Be upfront with your friend. Tell her that you feel uneasy about having your sons view nude pictures of her. While you certainly think that she is beautiful and that it is her prerogative to display these pictures if she chooses, explain that you are uncomfortable about your sons seeing someone they know in the nude. Navigating sexuality with children can be a challenge, and you are doing the best you can. For you, that means limiting their exposure. If she gets upset, so be it. You have every right to limit what your boys see.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A total overshare, but I have been having bowel problems for the past week or so. I urgently feel the need to use the restroom, and I have to go right that second or I will have an accident. I am very embarrassed, but I am just trying my best to work through these issues. My doctor does not know how much longer this will go on.

Whenever I jump up to use the restroom, my co-workers have been exclaiming, "You're going again?" They sound totally shocked and like they have no idea I need to urgently use the restroom. I would never make someone feel uncomfortable about how frequently they use the restroom. I don't see why anyone thinks it's OK to call attention to me. Do my co-workers think I'm going to the restroom to avoid work? I am not, but I find it would be incredibly uncomfortable to tell them what's truly going on. -- Keeping Good Relations, Detroit

DEAR KEEPING GOOD RELATIONS: Without going into detail, you can tell your co-workers that you have been having some digestive problems. If they probe, tell them you are addressing it. Obviously, given that you are having such an extreme problem, get a second opinion.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)