life

Toddler's Trip Scares Mother

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 23rd, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received the scare of my life yesterday when my 3-year-old opened our front door by himself and walked outside. I was moving laundry from the washer to the dryer downstairs, and when I came back up, he was gone. I quickly found him running down the street toward the park, but I was so scared and angry. God knows what could have happened to my son.

I am angry at myself for letting him see how the door is opened and closed. He has clearly seen my husband and me locking and unlocking our front door and learned what to do. My son is under constant supervision until we can figure out what to do. I completely support adding locks higher up on our door.

My husband is being incredibly unsupportive. He isn't taking this incident seriously at all! He just said that we should be grateful our son is smart. I can't believe he doesn't feel as shocked and angry as me. Am I overreacting? I haven't told any of my friends about the incident at the risk of seeming like a bad mother. -- Runaway Toddler

DEAR RUNAWAY TODDLER: What your husband may not know is that you can be arrested for allowing this to happen, or your child could be taken from you by Child Services. It is very serious. You are absolutely right to be concerned. And you need to set up safeguards that will prevent your child from getting out in the future. This includes teaching your child, even at his young age, what he should and should not do. Reinforce the rules always.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Wedding Attire Vexes Reader

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 23rd, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: As wedding season is approaching, I already have a few invitations and save the dates. I love weddings and the union I get to witness. However, weddings get expensive, and I am on a tight budget. I always make sure to give the bride and groom a present, and this comes at the expense of me wearing the same dress to every wedding.

I attended a beautiful ceremony this past weekend and wore my go-to wedding dress. There, one of my friends asked me if I had worn the same dress to two previous weddings. I confirmed, and I believe I saw judgment in her face. I never thought my fashion choices were supposed to reflect how I feel about the wedding. It's not my fault that all of my friends are getting married! I want to see them have the happiest day of their lives and not worry about who is looking at me. Is re-wearing the same dress to weddings a sign of disrespect? If so, how can I tweak my dress so no one will realize I am wearing the same one? -- Reduce, Reuse, Re-Wear, Milwaukee

DEAR REDUCE, REUSE, RE-WEAR: You are so smart to figure out a way to be there for your friends and offer them a gift. The next time someone asks you about your recycled dress, tell them your story. It is inspiring that you choose a gift over a dress. You can use accessories to change the look of a dress.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Love & DatingEtiquette & EthicsMoneyMarriage & Divorce
life

Friend's Photos Cause Questions

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 22nd, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is a gorgeous woman. I always appreciate her beauty -- inside and out -- but have been having an issue with some of the photos she chooses to decorate her home with. She has done many nude photo shoots. These photo shoots are with hired photographers, so they are solely in her possession. However, she hangs nude portraits of herself by her fireplace, in upstairs hallways and even in her bedroom. I myself don't have a problem with this, but I have two boys and don't want them seeing my friend nude. I try to not take my boys over to her house frequently, and she has recently started questioning where they are.

I never want my children thinking that nude bodies are something to be ashamed of; I just do not want them seeing my friend in the nude. How can I tactfully communicate this to my friend? I don't want her thinking I don't support her shoots. -- Don't Look Too Close, Philadelphia

DEAR DON'T LOOK TOO CLOSE: Be upfront with your friend. Tell her that you feel uneasy about having your sons view nude pictures of her. While you certainly think that she is beautiful and that it is her prerogative to display these pictures if she chooses, explain that you are uncomfortable about your sons seeing someone they know in the nude. Navigating sexuality with children can be a challenge, and you are doing the best you can. For you, that means limiting their exposure. If she gets upset, so be it. You have every right to limit what your boys see.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & EthicsSex & Gender
life

Stomach Issues Cause Reader Embarrassment at Work

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 22nd, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: A total overshare, but I have been having bowel problems for the past week or so. I urgently feel the need to use the restroom, and I have to go right that second or I will have an accident. I am very embarrassed, but I am just trying my best to work through these issues. My doctor does not know how much longer this will go on.

Whenever I jump up to use the restroom, my co-workers have been exclaiming, "You're going again?" They sound totally shocked and like they have no idea I need to urgently use the restroom. I would never make someone feel uncomfortable about how frequently they use the restroom. I don't see why anyone thinks it's OK to call attention to me. Do my co-workers think I'm going to the restroom to avoid work? I am not, but I find it would be incredibly uncomfortable to tell them what's truly going on. -- Keeping Good Relations, Detroit

DEAR KEEPING GOOD RELATIONS: Without going into detail, you can tell your co-workers that you have been having some digestive problems. If they probe, tell them you are addressing it. Obviously, given that you are having such an extreme problem, get a second opinion.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Health & SafetyWork & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Husband Plans Trip Without Consulting Reader

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 21st, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has secretly been planning a romantic getaway for the two of us. I am incredibly stressed from work and rarely sleep more than five hours a night. I know my husband has been planning this trip because he uses my Travelocity account, and I get email notifications. Honestly, I feel too tired and stressed to take this trip. The thought of missing a day of work makes my head pound. I cannot fall behind on responsibilities.

I don't want to crush my husband's heart, but I don't want him to pay for the trip and then hear that I can't come. Should I mention that I know what he's doing and that I'll be ready for a vacation next winter? I just can't see many things slowing down for me soon. I know he is being incredibly sweet, but I don't want to waste a vacation stressed about work. -- Bound to the Office, St. Louis

DEAR BOUND TO THE OFFICE: Don't be too hasty. Your husband may be trying to save your life -- literally. Rather than discouraging him, why not tell him that you see what he is doing, thank him for his effort and tell him you will go but you cannot take a day off. Agree that you will go on a weekend getaway. While there, put work aside. It may seem impossible right now, but I bet it will be worth it for your health, your marriage and even your job.

Love & DatingMarriage & DivorceHolidays & CelebrationsMental Health
life

Reader Worries About Boyfriend's Exciting Past

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 21st, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My current boyfriend used to have the reputation of being a bit of a party animal. He's been to practically every club, bar and music festival in our city. In our time together, I sense that he has been growing out of his partying phase. However, I don't know if my homebody personality is the cause of this. I could try to keep up with him at a party, but I just don't really have it in me. I hate feeling like a wet blanket, but he assures me I keep him grounded.

Should I make an effort to be more outgoing? I would never want him thinking like he can't have fun just because I don't go out much. -- Party Pooper, Boston

DEAR PARTY POOPER: Trust your boyfriend at his word. He did not choose you to be something that you are not. Perhaps he is ready to slow down and be in a committed relationship, and you are the one who has shown him the beauty and value in another way of living. Instead of trying to be like his old self, welcome him warmly into your world. Make it appealing to him as you also do not pressure him to become a homebody. Let him naturally choose what he wants for himself. Together, you two can figure out if you are a good fit.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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