DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has secretly been planning a romantic getaway for the two of us. I am incredibly stressed from work and rarely sleep more than five hours a night. I know my husband has been planning this trip because he uses my Travelocity account, and I get email notifications. Honestly, I feel too tired and stressed to take this trip. The thought of missing a day of work makes my head pound. I cannot fall behind on responsibilities.

I don't want to crush my husband's heart, but I don't want him to pay for the trip and then hear that I can't come. Should I mention that I know what he's doing and that I'll be ready for a vacation next winter? I just can't see many things slowing down for me soon. I know he is being incredibly sweet, but I don't want to waste a vacation stressed about work. -- Bound to the Office, St. Louis

DEAR BOUND TO THE OFFICE: Don't be too hasty. Your husband may be trying to save your life -- literally. Rather than discouraging him, why not tell him that you see what he is doing, thank him for his effort and tell him you will go but you cannot take a day off. Agree that you will go on a weekend getaway. While there, put work aside. It may seem impossible right now, but I bet it will be worth it for your health, your marriage and even your job.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My current boyfriend used to have the reputation of being a bit of a party animal. He's been to practically every club, bar and music festival in our city. In our time together, I sense that he has been growing out of his partying phase. However, I don't know if my homebody personality is the cause of this. I could try to keep up with him at a party, but I just don't really have it in me. I hate feeling like a wet blanket, but he assures me I keep him grounded.

Should I make an effort to be more outgoing? I would never want him thinking like he can't have fun just because I don't go out much. -- Party Pooper, Boston

DEAR PARTY POOPER: Trust your boyfriend at his word. He did not choose you to be something that you are not. Perhaps he is ready to slow down and be in a committed relationship, and you are the one who has shown him the beauty and value in another way of living. Instead of trying to be like his old self, welcome him warmly into your world. Make it appealing to him as you also do not pressure him to become a homebody. Let him naturally choose what he wants for himself. Together, you two can figure out if you are a good fit.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My children are in their teen years. Some of their friends have their own debit and credit cards, but I don't trust my children with that yet. Instead, I allow them to use my credit card information whenever they would like to order something online, like clothing or a concert ticket.

Recently, I've been catching fraudulent activity on my credit cards. These charges happen about every other month and are incredibly frustrating. I have to call my bank, file the claim and live on cash for seven to 10 business days.

Whenever this happens, my children insist it is not them using my card for unauthorized activity. I've believed them in the past, but this is now my third card this year. I don't want to imply that I don't trust my teenagers, but it may be time to have them live without the luxury of a credit card. My husband thinks we should open debit accounts for them, and I don't like that idea. They'll still need money from somewhere! Should I just open the debit cards and tell my children to get jobs? I feel like I am being driven up the wall with all of this fraudulent activity and possible lying. -- No More Plastic, Rochester, New York

DEAR NO MORE PLASTIC: You should make an agreement with your husband that you both can uphold. For now, that should definitely include no more use of your credit or debit cards. And, yes, I believe that teens should work to be able to pay for their pleasures. That could mean having a job at the mall or in the neighborhood, or working at home for an allowance. Until they are responsible enough to have their own cards, have them use cash.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single mother. My son is in kindergarten and begged me for a year to get him a pet. I held off in the hopes that he would forget or lose interest. When I suggested getting a fish, he hated the idea and said that he wanted a hamster. Exhausted from this argument, I bought him a tiny hamster. Ten days ago, he came up to me with the hamster's ball. It was popped open, and the hamster was missing. My son asked me where Buddy went, and I told him Buddy is visiting his family for a little while. As my son slept, I searched and searched for the hamster, but it is completely gone. It's been lost for 10 days now, and I doubt it is alive.

My son has been asking less frequently about the hamster, which leaves me with a dilemma: Do I tell my son that his hamster ran away and has died, or do I continue to tell him white lies until he forgets about his pet? -- Bye-Bye, Hamster, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR BYE-BYE, HAMSTER: Stop lying. Children must learn about life and death, too. Children who have pets naturally learn about the cycle of life. If your son mentions the hamster again, tell him what you suspect. You could also simply get a new one and introduce your son to his new pet. The time will come to talk about death.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a recent college graduate who has a lot on her plate. I feel completely flummoxed, and I am just trying to get stability. I constantly worry about my rent, job, savings, bills and health. This leaves me no time for my friends. I love my support group, but I have had a very rough year. My friends think I hate them because I haven't spent any time with them. I feel horrible, but I need to focus on myself so I don't sink.

I hate how I've neglected my friends, but I just don't have time (or money) to dedicate to going to bars and nightclubs with them. I've been getting fewer and fewer messages from my friends because I've disappeared to work on myself. How can I communicate that I'll be back soon? It may already be too late. Everyone seems to have figured out life and moved on without me. -- Stuck in the Dust, Denver

DEAR STUCK IN THE DUST: While you feel like all of your friends have figured out their lives, chances are, this isn't true. What is true is that you have not been connecting with them. If there is one particular friend who you feel might be sensitive to your situation, reach out to get together. Now may not be the time for a group activity, but a one-on-one may work well. Slowly rekindle a friend bond as you build your life. Remember that it takes a while for all of the pieces to fall into place. Work hard and have faith.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister recently got broken up with by her boyfriend of three years. She is extremely down in the dumps right now. She's found her own one-bedroom apartment, but I know she is extremely lonely. Therefore, I make time in my day to call her or see her in person (we live in the same city). I want to build her self-esteem back up. She is devastated and thought she was going to marry this man, until he broke her heart.

I am completely open to letting her vent to me or ask for my advice. However, anytime I try to encourage her about her future, she ignores everything I say. She claims I "don't understand" because I am currently happily married. I never brag about my marriage to her, and she knows I have gone through my fair share of heartbreak.

I want to help bring my sister back up, but she doesn't want my advice. How can I help her without her mentioning that I can't sympathize with her? I feel incredibly stuck. -- Uplifting Times, Washington, D.C.

DEAR UPLIFTING TIMES: You can be a great listener. Your love for your sister and your ability to listen without judgment are what she needs most right now. Try to not offer advice. You do not know what to say to her to heal her heart. Instead, just bite your tongue about relationships for now. You can invite her to do fun things. You can also contact her single friends and suggest that they invite her to hang out. Hopefully, time will help her to welcome happiness again.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)