DEAR HARRIETTE: My children are in their teen years. Some of their friends have their own debit and credit cards, but I don't trust my children with that yet. Instead, I allow them to use my credit card information whenever they would like to order something online, like clothing or a concert ticket.

Recently, I've been catching fraudulent activity on my credit cards. These charges happen about every other month and are incredibly frustrating. I have to call my bank, file the claim and live on cash for seven to 10 business days.

Whenever this happens, my children insist it is not them using my card for unauthorized activity. I've believed them in the past, but this is now my third card this year. I don't want to imply that I don't trust my teenagers, but it may be time to have them live without the luxury of a credit card. My husband thinks we should open debit accounts for them, and I don't like that idea. They'll still need money from somewhere! Should I just open the debit cards and tell my children to get jobs? I feel like I am being driven up the wall with all of this fraudulent activity and possible lying. -- No More Plastic, Rochester, New York

DEAR NO MORE PLASTIC: You should make an agreement with your husband that you both can uphold. For now, that should definitely include no more use of your credit or debit cards. And, yes, I believe that teens should work to be able to pay for their pleasures. That could mean having a job at the mall or in the neighborhood, or working at home for an allowance. Until they are responsible enough to have their own cards, have them use cash.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single mother. My son is in kindergarten and begged me for a year to get him a pet. I held off in the hopes that he would forget or lose interest. When I suggested getting a fish, he hated the idea and said that he wanted a hamster. Exhausted from this argument, I bought him a tiny hamster. Ten days ago, he came up to me with the hamster's ball. It was popped open, and the hamster was missing. My son asked me where Buddy went, and I told him Buddy is visiting his family for a little while. As my son slept, I searched and searched for the hamster, but it is completely gone. It's been lost for 10 days now, and I doubt it is alive.

My son has been asking less frequently about the hamster, which leaves me with a dilemma: Do I tell my son that his hamster ran away and has died, or do I continue to tell him white lies until he forgets about his pet? -- Bye-Bye, Hamster, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR BYE-BYE, HAMSTER: Stop lying. Children must learn about life and death, too. Children who have pets naturally learn about the cycle of life. If your son mentions the hamster again, tell him what you suspect. You could also simply get a new one and introduce your son to his new pet. The time will come to talk about death.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a recent college graduate who has a lot on her plate. I feel completely flummoxed, and I am just trying to get stability. I constantly worry about my rent, job, savings, bills and health. This leaves me no time for my friends. I love my support group, but I have had a very rough year. My friends think I hate them because I haven't spent any time with them. I feel horrible, but I need to focus on myself so I don't sink.

I hate how I've neglected my friends, but I just don't have time (or money) to dedicate to going to bars and nightclubs with them. I've been getting fewer and fewer messages from my friends because I've disappeared to work on myself. How can I communicate that I'll be back soon? It may already be too late. Everyone seems to have figured out life and moved on without me. -- Stuck in the Dust, Denver

DEAR STUCK IN THE DUST: While you feel like all of your friends have figured out their lives, chances are, this isn't true. What is true is that you have not been connecting with them. If there is one particular friend who you feel might be sensitive to your situation, reach out to get together. Now may not be the time for a group activity, but a one-on-one may work well. Slowly rekindle a friend bond as you build your life. Remember that it takes a while for all of the pieces to fall into place. Work hard and have faith.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister recently got broken up with by her boyfriend of three years. She is extremely down in the dumps right now. She's found her own one-bedroom apartment, but I know she is extremely lonely. Therefore, I make time in my day to call her or see her in person (we live in the same city). I want to build her self-esteem back up. She is devastated and thought she was going to marry this man, until he broke her heart.

I am completely open to letting her vent to me or ask for my advice. However, anytime I try to encourage her about her future, she ignores everything I say. She claims I "don't understand" because I am currently happily married. I never brag about my marriage to her, and she knows I have gone through my fair share of heartbreak.

I want to help bring my sister back up, but she doesn't want my advice. How can I help her without her mentioning that I can't sympathize with her? I feel incredibly stuck. -- Uplifting Times, Washington, D.C.

DEAR UPLIFTING TIMES: You can be a great listener. Your love for your sister and your ability to listen without judgment are what she needs most right now. Try to not offer advice. You do not know what to say to her to heal her heart. Instead, just bite your tongue about relationships for now. You can invite her to do fun things. You can also contact her single friends and suggest that they invite her to hang out. Hopefully, time will help her to welcome happiness again.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad was never in my life. He just wrote a check here and there, giving it to my mom. There was no real emotional connection. Money was my dad. Money was always there. Money paid for any expenses I needed for my well-being. A week ago, my dad calls me to say that he wants to "see what his return is on his investment." That comment offended me. How dare he think that his money made me? How could he ever be a real father? He didn't raise me; the money did. I'm still trying to decipher if that's a good or bad thing.

The only love I've ever known was my mother's. She was my one and only example. In relationships with guys, I'm always looking for that money and financial support. I don't look for them to fund me, but I am used to having that in my life. I'm not used to having a guy in my life. How do I break this down to them? Everybody in college thinks that I'm some gold digger. It's not that, really, it's more that I'm just used to money.

Should I lower my expectations? My father gave me a lot of money, so do I have to settle for less because they have less? Or do I look at myself and try to change? If so, what do I need to change? -- Assumptions vs. Truth, Reno, Nevada

DEAR ASSUMPTIONS VS. TRUTH: Start by meeting with your father. It's not too late to see if you can strike up a relationship. If you can cultivate a healthy bond with him, it will help you tremendously in building a healthier bond with a potential boyfriend. You should also pursue counseling where you can address your issues and learn to be free of them. Ultimately, it will be great for you to learn how to be in a relationship with someone regardless of how much money he has. Give yourself time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I have been seeing a relationship counselor for half a year. We see this therapist individually and then together every other week. I don't believe in any of the advice this therapist is giving us, and it is too difficult to implement. I am not a very emotional person and don't like to speak much, but both my wife and therapist make it seem like the only way to better our relationship is if I spill my feelings all the time. The therapist even tells me I'm closed off! This entire situation is deeply frustrating me, and I want to stop going to counseling, but I know it'll make my wife extremely angry. What should my next step be? I hate this therapist and all of her advice. -- Not Spilling the Beans, Dallas

DEAR NOT SPILLING THE BEANS: You got to counseling, I will assume, because you and your wife were at an impasse. As uncomfortable as it is to share your feelings, that is one key goal of therapy -- to access how you are feeling and reacting to situations so that you can explore them. If you cannot stand this therapist, consider getting another who may be a better fit. But do not give up.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)