DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a divorced mother of two. My children are both in college, so I live alone during the year, and they come back for the summer. I met a great man a little less than two years ago. We have been dating for a year and a half and recently went on vacation together. While we were on vacation, he proposed to me. I was panicked and completely caught off guard, so I said yes. We hadn't spoken much about marriage, and I certainly did not see it on the horizon for myself. I didn't want to ruin what we have. I love most of his family, and his children are amazing.

I feel like everything is happening too quickly. Everyone is asking when I'm marrying a man I haven't even known for two years! I want to calm down the hubbub, but I don't want to ruin our relationship. I can't break off our engagement, right? I just don't know how to go about integrating our families, sorting living situations -- my oldest was supposed to move in with me after college -- and meshing traditions. -- New Older Bride, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NEW OLDER BRIDE: Rather than breaking off the engagement, start the conversation about what your life will look like together. Talk it out over as much time as needed. Admit to your beau that you hadn't really thought about marriage, and when he asked, your knee-jerk reaction was to say yes. In order to build a life together, though, you two have to sort out how and where you will live. Don't feel pressured to walk down the aisle until you figure it out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was born and raised in Britain, but now I live in Boston full time. I hate the British stereotype that we are all uptight. Just because I have an accent does not mean I am a stuffy person! I like to have a laugh, and people are surprised that I don't laugh at British humor only.

It does take me some time to warm up to people, but I think people perceive me a certain way as soon as I open my mouth. I admit I dress conservatively and can have my moments, but people have assumed I genuinely don't enjoy partying just because of the way I speak and carry myself! I don't want to be labeled as stuffy, but I don't think a disclaimer about how I can be fun is necessary. How do I step out from behind my British-ness and have people see that I can be as fun as everyone else? -- Across the Pond, Boston

DEAR ACROSS THE POND: Stop worrying about what people will think about you, and just be you. If you resist being caught up in stereotypes, you create space for those around you to do the same. Be your natural self. Connect with people in ways that are meaningful. When people discover who you are, they will more easily lose their notions of who they think you should be.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 16 years old. Instead of being obsessed with getting his driving permit or going on dates, he has decided to dedicate his free time to getting accepted to the Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland. He has two years, but there is a strenuous physical examination in addition to serving four years in the Navy afterward.

My son, "David," is strongly considering this. I never told him to not follow his dreams, but I'm honestly hoping the 7.9 percent admission rate at the Naval Academy will mean he'll have to attend a regular university. David can already run a 5.30-minute mile and is pushing himself in the gym whenever he isn't doing work. I love this level of commitment and have never seen him this passionate; however, this all scares me. My son could be in a war zone in less than seven years. Should I let him apply to the Naval Academy and secretly hope he doesn't get in? I don't know how to convey how dangerous it could be to serve our country. -- No Navy for Teen, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NO NAVY FOR TEEN: It is understandable that you would have some reservations about your son going into the military. At the same time, there are tremendous benefits to the experience. Among them, he will cultivate tremendous discipline, learn useful skills and be employed. Rather than discouraging your son, talk to him about what he hopes to learn. There are many different jobs in the Navy. If he knows his specific areas of interest up front, it may help him to focus when he enters.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my aunts works in finance at a top firm. She lives in New York City and constantly talks about the "Big Four." As a man in my early 20s, I'm just trying to make ends meet and get on even financial footing. At any family gathering, you can bet my aunt makes a beeline to me and pesters me with questions. I am admittedly private, so people must ask questions if they want to know information, but I believe she goes too far. She wants to know about my investments, what credit cards I have and how much I have in my checking, savings and emergency accounts. She can tell I am uncomfortable when this conversation comes up, but she insists she just wants to help me. I just want her to stop prying.

I know my aunt may have good intentions and is very knowledgeable, but I don't want to be ridiculed or scolded for my finances. Besides, everyone says to keep business and family separate! How can I get my aunt to stop attempting to help me while she intrudes on my finances? -- Bad Balances, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR BAD BALANCES: Let your aunt's intentions spur you to get your own financial adviser. It's fine not to discuss your personal finances with her, but don't ignore them. Find a professional who can guide you to do the very things your aunt is asking. You do need this, even if you don't want to do it with her.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work on chartered yachts. I am in college, and my past in sailing and working in country clubs allowed me to have this opportunity. I love the money I make, so my school and social life sometimes take a hit.

On the most recent charter, I got drunk onboard. These weren't my working hours, but I still took it upon myself to wander the boat. Even typing this story now makes me cringe. I saw one of the charter guests, and she asked me if everything was OK. In my drunken state, I decided I wasn't OK and spilled all of my problems to this poor woman. We left each other shortly after she comforted me, and that was the end of it.

The next day, at the end of the charter, the tip was good and the captain seemed happy. I felt horrible. I was so unprofessional, and the charter guest didn't tell anyone to reprimand me. I didn't mention this incident to the crew, and I don't know how to keep going forward. I just want to be the best I can at my job. -- Sea Sick, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

DEAR SEA SICK: Count it as a blessing that the charter guest did not report your state to the captain. It seems that you met with compassion exactly when you needed it. While it is perfectly understandable that you would be embarrassed by your behavior, you cannot get stuck in the space of feeling sorry for yourself or nervous about what happens next. Instead, be grateful for the discretion the guest showed, and vow to be sober moving forward. If you have issues that you need to handle, find professional support to help you. Forgive yourself for this moment of poor judgment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work on a farm and have lived in a rural area all of my life. The nearest city is a long drive away, and I can honestly say I like the simple life. At work, however, I've been having more and more trouble accepting how sexist my responsibilities are in comparison to the other farmhands. While they drive the tractors and sow the fields, I am told to bring blankets to the animals or check up on new chicks. I never do manual labor, even though I am more than capable of doing so.

I don't want to be the ragtag farmhand chasing after everyone, but I can hold my own on the farm. I have experience. How do I tell my boss this without coming across as whiney or dramatic? The last thing I need is to be stereotyped. -- Big and Strong, Small Town, Virginia

DEAR BIG AND STRONG: Start by paying attention to what the needs are on the farm. What is not being handled? Instead of complaining about what you are not being invited to do, point out to your employer that you have noticed that certain things need attention. Then offer to do whatever that task is. Point out that you are strong and capable of doing all of the tasks on the farm. Ask for the opportunity to demonstrate your abilities.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)