DEAR HARRIETTE: I work on chartered yachts. I am in college, and my past in sailing and working in country clubs allowed me to have this opportunity. I love the money I make, so my school and social life sometimes take a hit.

On the most recent charter, I got drunk onboard. These weren't my working hours, but I still took it upon myself to wander the boat. Even typing this story now makes me cringe. I saw one of the charter guests, and she asked me if everything was OK. In my drunken state, I decided I wasn't OK and spilled all of my problems to this poor woman. We left each other shortly after she comforted me, and that was the end of it.

The next day, at the end of the charter, the tip was good and the captain seemed happy. I felt horrible. I was so unprofessional, and the charter guest didn't tell anyone to reprimand me. I didn't mention this incident to the crew, and I don't know how to keep going forward. I just want to be the best I can at my job. -- Sea Sick, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

DEAR SEA SICK: Count it as a blessing that the charter guest did not report your state to the captain. It seems that you met with compassion exactly when you needed it. While it is perfectly understandable that you would be embarrassed by your behavior, you cannot get stuck in the space of feeling sorry for yourself or nervous about what happens next. Instead, be grateful for the discretion the guest showed, and vow to be sober moving forward. If you have issues that you need to handle, find professional support to help you. Forgive yourself for this moment of poor judgment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work on a farm and have lived in a rural area all of my life. The nearest city is a long drive away, and I can honestly say I like the simple life. At work, however, I've been having more and more trouble accepting how sexist my responsibilities are in comparison to the other farmhands. While they drive the tractors and sow the fields, I am told to bring blankets to the animals or check up on new chicks. I never do manual labor, even though I am more than capable of doing so.

I don't want to be the ragtag farmhand chasing after everyone, but I can hold my own on the farm. I have experience. How do I tell my boss this without coming across as whiney or dramatic? The last thing I need is to be stereotyped. -- Big and Strong, Small Town, Virginia

DEAR BIG AND STRONG: Start by paying attention to what the needs are on the farm. What is not being handled? Instead of complaining about what you are not being invited to do, point out to your employer that you have noticed that certain things need attention. Then offer to do whatever that task is. Point out that you are strong and capable of doing all of the tasks on the farm. Ask for the opportunity to demonstrate your abilities.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As spring is here in full force, my wife has decided that this is the year that we get rid of clutter. In the past, the whole family has made a halfhearted promise to throw out what we truly do not need just to appease my wife. This year, however, it seems as though she is ready to turn everyone into complete minimalists. There is an entire schedule for what we are donating each week. Clothing, toys, sports equipment and extra bedding all make an appearance, and it's safe to say everyone is a little scared of Mommy this year. Our children are 10, 12 and 15, and they do not always want to part with their items.

My wife is not even budging at their requests to hold on to anything sentimental. She says we can just take a photograph of items to remember them and donate or toss the real thing. We're all weary of this idea, but my wife seems to be on a rampage. Do we just grin and bear this spring cleaning? I don't really want to get rid of anything, either. -- Power Clean, Rochester, New York

DEAR POWER CLEAN: I wish your wife would come to my house! Believe it or not, her level of organization for this cleaning means that it will likely be more effective than in years past. Even though you don't want to let go of any of your belongings, you may be relieved and grateful if you do it. Most of us collect things over the years that we really don't need. Make space for what is yet to come by giving up something from each category. It will be a great lesson for your children as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: From the ages of 2 to 10, my mother entered me in beauty pageants. I grew up in the South, where this is common. I don't hold any resentment toward my mother, but I do grimace a little when I see my old dresses, flippers and costumes. I know I won a few thousand dollars for my family in the end and had some fun, so I don't regret these years of my life. Now that I am pregnant for the first time, my mother has been asking me about how I'm going to find any pageants up north for my daughter to compete in. I said I wasn't particularly worried about this, and my mother mentioned how the money helps with expenses and how I could reuse some of my old belongings. I keep dodging the questions she asks, but quite frankly, I think putting my daughter into pageants would be tacky. I don't want to have my toddler daughter make money for me, and I don't want judges ranking her. I don't have any hard feelings about my pageant years, but I will not be entering my daughter in them. How can I get my point across firmly, without stepping on any toes? -- Turning a New Page, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR TURNING A NEW PAGE: You are going to have to come right out and tell your mother directly that you will not be entering your daughter in pageants. When she presses you, tell her that you understand why she had you do it, but you don't want your daughter to follow in your footsteps. You will help her figure out her own interests and support her in exploring them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I have a relatively large age gap between us. (I am 15 years older than she is.) For her ninth birthday, she received a dog! This particularly resonates with me because I was always aware she'd grow up the more spoiled one. During my high school years, I was a baby sitter who had no fun, and my little sister will be able to go to all of the parties. I always begged my parents for a pet but never even got a fish. I would have been content with any kind of critter, but my 9-year-old sister getting a puppy seems like a slap in the face to me. When my parents told me, I told them it seemed out of character for them to gift her with a dog when they didn't get me anything, and they told me she is more responsible than I was! How can you judge a child on how responsible they are? We were all children once, and it bothers me that my parents think so little of me.

I didn't want to start a fight over this, but I want to draw the line with my parents when it comes to talking about how much better my sister is than me. How do I tell them to stop treating her like she's so mature without seeming bitter? -- Older Older Sister, Spokane, Washington

DEAR OLDER OLDER SISTER: Parents of multiple children, especially those with big age gaps, learn from their experiences with their older children and often course-correct along the way. Unfortunately, this can look like unfairness when the older child witnesses the younger one enjoying privileges previously considered unimaginable. If possible, rather than being angry with your parents, give them credit for learning. They are different now than when you were young, thanks to what they learned from you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Much older guys constantly hit on me, and I always end up in relationships with older men. These men are at least 10 years older than I am, and I end up seeing them because no one else in my age range is trying to be in a relationship with me. I am 20 years old, and I don't understand why men closer to my age do not find me appealing. I don't wear much makeup at all, and I consider myself to be pretty up-to-date with fashion trends. Although I appear as youthful as possible, guys in their early to mid-20s stay away from me. I don't think I look much older than I am. How can I stop attracting these types of men? I want to date someone youthful, not 15 years older than me. -- Too Young for Me, Detroit

DEAR TOO YOUNG FOR ME: It's time for a self-assessment. Make a list of the qualities that you like in a man. Be specific. Then look at the men you have dated to see if any of them matches your profile. Are you attracted to older men without realizing it? That could be true. You might also simply be mature for your age -- not so much how you look, but how you behave. While 10 years seems like an enormous gap now, it actually is a comfortable gap for many couples. Let the qualities guide you in finding a partner, not the man's age.