DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is currently pledging a fraternity at his school. I was in a sorority myself, and I know that sometimes hazing is a part of the pledging process. I speak with my son frequently, and he seems tired and overworked. There seem to be too many requirements for him to be accepted into this fraternity. Although I try talking some sense into him, he is adamant to keep pledging. He will pay for the fraternity himself, so I can't threaten to take it away from him by not funding it. I was considering contacting his university as an anonymous tipster, but I don't know if I'd be taking away my son's brotherhood and friends. I know times have changed since I joined a sorority, and I think everyone should adopt a no-hazing policy. Should I contact the university? I'm worried these boys are going to take things too far, and I don't want to see my son hurt. -- Worrying from Home, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR WORRYING FROM HOME: Being tired and overworked are part of the pledge process for many students because they still have to fit in their studies as they participate in a broad range of fraternal activities. That is different from hazing. If you fear that your son's life may be in danger, by all means, contact the school. If you are just generally worried about him but are in touch with him regularly, I would recommend continuing to listen to him without stepping in. If you ever sense that he is unsafe, make the call.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, I let my roommate borrow my car for an emergency. I assumed this would be a one-time occurrence. He said it was for an emergency! Boy, was I wrong. Since the first time I let him borrow my car, my roommate has taken it skiing for the day, has used it whenever he needs to go to the grocery store and has even asked me if he could borrow it for the weekend. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I usually don't like other people driving my car, however my roommate never took the liberty of asking me if he could use my car after the first time. He just says, "It's all right if I take your car now, right? You're hanging out at home anyway." I've never been paid back for gas or properly asked to borrow my car. I need to put my foot down and have my inconsiderate roommate realize that he is not paying for the lease on my car and therefore does not have the right to drive it. -- My Wheels, Atlanta

DEAR MY WHEELS: Take your keys back and keep them where your roommate cannot find them. Tell him that he can no longer drive your car. Most important is that he is not on your insurance. Explain that you let him use your car once in an emergency but cannot allow it again. Rather than going into his bad manners, stick to the insurance. It really is a deal-breaker.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 33, and as I look around me, I see all of my friends getting married and having babies. I already got the marriage part down; it's the baby-making part I need serious help in. By now I imagined that I would be successful, married, happy and raising two girls. I'm successful, happy and married -- but I don't have my girls. Due to a medical condition, I can't have kids. I found that out a year ago. I beat myself up internally every day. How can I be a woman and not be able to do the one job I'm specifically designed to do? I started in vitro and prayed for a miracle day in and day out. It's now a year later, and it still hasn't been successful.

When my doctor brought up adoption, my husband immediately shut that down. He said he doesn't want to care for a child unless it comes from my womb. He knows how hard all of this is for me, but it's like he doesn't understand. I don't know why he refuses to love an adopted child like he would a blood-related one. He claims that he wants to look in the child's eyes and know that he, God and I created such a blessing. He says with an adopted child he can't feel that connection. Should I go on and adopt a child anyway? I'm not getting any younger. I really wanted to be a mom by now, and I feel as though I'd make a great mother. I hate that my husband refuses to get on board, but should that really stop me? Am I crazy for wanting to adopt even if that means raising the child without my husband? Or should I just forget this dream of having children altogether and let it remain only a dream? -- Baby Fever, Reno, Nevada

DEAR BABY FEVER: Couples therapy seems like step one for you. Have a professional help you and your husband sort through your feelings. Be sure to include adoption in the discussion. In order to adopt while married, your husband has to agree. If you want to proceed without him, you may have to end your marriage. Don't take any of this lightly. Talk it out and figure out the next steps together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's spring break time at my son's school, and due to work and poor scheduling, I have not planned anything special for the time off. My son is upset, and I want to make it up to him somehow. What can I do so he can enjoy himself even though we will be at home? --Spring Broken, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR SPRING BROKEN: Look around in your town and neighboring areas to see what fun activities are available. This could be laser tag, an indoor water park, a special show at a museum or a ballgame. The next step is finding someone he can do this with. Check to see which other children are in town. Chances are, a few children didn't go away with their families. Create an in-town fun group that goes together to some of these things. Finally, take off a day or afternoon when you can just hang out with your son and let him know you are thinking about him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for four years now. I've been stressing a lot, and my therapist told me to stop and analyze my life. Analyze my life, relationships, interactions -- just everything. By doing so, I can begin to pinpoint the problem. After sitting and doing the exercise, I noticed that I'm not satisfied with how my marriage is going. I've been with him for so long now that somewhere down the line I lost the feisty woman I once was. I'm now this meek person who just lets her husband run the show. I do everything he asks of me and rarely hold him to the same expectations that I'm held to. I don't really complain, and he seems to have taken control of this relationship.

Ever since I realized this, things haven't been the same. I feel like I have to constantly pick an argument to prove that I am still myself and that I do still hold some sort of power over this relationship. I hate that it's like this, because I know that I'm not really trying to argue, but just trying to salvage what little power I have left. I had dreams, too, none of which were to be a meek housewife, but I guess life has other plans sometimes. I want to go back to my feisty self, but it seems that the more I try to do that, the more we tend to argue. My husband says that he doesn't know what's gotten into me. I guess he likes me better when I don't have an opinion. How can I explain to him that I miss my old ways? Is there a way for me to tell him that I'm not happy with the way the relationship is going, without it sounding like I'm not happy with him? I just feel like it should be 50-50, not 100-0 in a relationship. -- 50-50 not 100-0, Denver

DEAR 50-50 NOT 100-0: I would like for you to think about your marriage differently. Give up the idea of power in your relationship and think about companionship and love. Rather than thinking you need to pick fights, think of creative ways to get your husband to be more flexible. Think about what you would like for him to do for you, and ask him. Recall what you enjoyed about your relationship in the early days. Create similar dates now. Rather than saying you miss your old ways, suggest that you want to spice things up and talk about how. This way he won't recoil or think you are criticizing him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is overweight, and I'm sure eating candy contributes to it. My mother and my husband constantly bring candy and other unhealthy snacks to our house. Before I know it, they have been consumed. I'm worried for my daughter's health. How can I get her to stop eating so many sweets? -- Sweet Free, Cincinnati

DEAR SWEET FREE: Forbid your husband and mother from bringing sweets into the house. Cite your concerns about your daughter's health. Throw out any bad snacks that make it across the threshold. Talk to your daughter about healthy eating habits. Also, get her a complete checkup to learn the status of her health right now.