DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 33, and as I look around me, I see all of my friends getting married and having babies. I already got the marriage part down; it's the baby-making part I need serious help in. By now I imagined that I would be successful, married, happy and raising two girls. I'm successful, happy and married -- but I don't have my girls. Due to a medical condition, I can't have kids. I found that out a year ago. I beat myself up internally every day. How can I be a woman and not be able to do the one job I'm specifically designed to do? I started in vitro and prayed for a miracle day in and day out. It's now a year later, and it still hasn't been successful.
When my doctor brought up adoption, my husband immediately shut that down. He said he doesn't want to care for a child unless it comes from my womb. He knows how hard all of this is for me, but it's like he doesn't understand. I don't know why he refuses to love an adopted child like he would a blood-related one. He claims that he wants to look in the child's eyes and know that he, God and I created such a blessing. He says with an adopted child he can't feel that connection. Should I go on and adopt a child anyway? I'm not getting any younger. I really wanted to be a mom by now, and I feel as though I'd make a great mother. I hate that my husband refuses to get on board, but should that really stop me? Am I crazy for wanting to adopt even if that means raising the child without my husband? Or should I just forget this dream of having children altogether and let it remain only a dream? -- Baby Fever, Reno, Nevada
DEAR BABY FEVER: Couples therapy seems like step one for you. Have a professional help you and your husband sort through your feelings. Be sure to include adoption in the discussion. In order to adopt while married, your husband has to agree. If you want to proceed without him, you may have to end your marriage. Don't take any of this lightly. Talk it out and figure out the next steps together.