DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for four years now. I've been stressing a lot, and my therapist told me to stop and analyze my life. Analyze my life, relationships, interactions -- just everything. By doing so, I can begin to pinpoint the problem. After sitting and doing the exercise, I noticed that I'm not satisfied with how my marriage is going. I've been with him for so long now that somewhere down the line I lost the feisty woman I once was. I'm now this meek person who just lets her husband run the show. I do everything he asks of me and rarely hold him to the same expectations that I'm held to. I don't really complain, and he seems to have taken control of this relationship.

Ever since I realized this, things haven't been the same. I feel like I have to constantly pick an argument to prove that I am still myself and that I do still hold some sort of power over this relationship. I hate that it's like this, because I know that I'm not really trying to argue, but just trying to salvage what little power I have left. I had dreams, too, none of which were to be a meek housewife, but I guess life has other plans sometimes. I want to go back to my feisty self, but it seems that the more I try to do that, the more we tend to argue. My husband says that he doesn't know what's gotten into me. I guess he likes me better when I don't have an opinion. How can I explain to him that I miss my old ways? Is there a way for me to tell him that I'm not happy with the way the relationship is going, without it sounding like I'm not happy with him? I just feel like it should be 50-50, not 100-0 in a relationship. -- 50-50 not 100-0, Denver

DEAR 50-50 NOT 100-0: I would like for you to think about your marriage differently. Give up the idea of power in your relationship and think about companionship and love. Rather than thinking you need to pick fights, think of creative ways to get your husband to be more flexible. Think about what you would like for him to do for you, and ask him. Recall what you enjoyed about your relationship in the early days. Create similar dates now. Rather than saying you miss your old ways, suggest that you want to spice things up and talk about how. This way he won't recoil or think you are criticizing him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is overweight, and I'm sure eating candy contributes to it. My mother and my husband constantly bring candy and other unhealthy snacks to our house. Before I know it, they have been consumed. I'm worried for my daughter's health. How can I get her to stop eating so many sweets? -- Sweet Free, Cincinnati

DEAR SWEET FREE: Forbid your husband and mother from bringing sweets into the house. Cite your concerns about your daughter's health. Throw out any bad snacks that make it across the threshold. Talk to your daughter about healthy eating habits. Also, get her a complete checkup to learn the status of her health right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is my pride and joy. He's my only child, so that makes it even stronger. Unfortunately, even though it wasn't my intention, I feel as though I've officially spoiled him rotten. And at the age of 23, I think it's too late to turn him around. When he had his first baby at 17, I was furious. He was barely entering into adulthood, and now he had to figure out how to raise a baby while still a child himself. I was so disappointed, but nonetheless I stepped in whenever and however I could. I helped him, praying that he'd learn from his mistake. At 19, he got another girl pregnant, this time with a beautiful baby girl. He was still young, but I could see that the first baby matured him. I had no doubts that he could raise it well. I was once again upset at his carelessness, but he stepped up and I didn't have to help out as much.

Yesterday I overheard him on the phone with his current girlfriend. He's now expecting yet another baby. He doesn't know that I know it yet, but at this point I'm so hurt and disappointed. He hasn't learned a thing, and it hurts that although I raised him the best I could, he listened to nothing. He's now constantly dropping the kids off at my house so he can either go hang out or take his girlfriend out. I've had enough. I cannot keep cleaning and mopping up his mistakes. I love my grandbabies dearly, but I can't keep doing this. I still want to see them sometimes, but all the time is becoming too much. I'm only 43. I shouldn't have to stop living my life because of his carelessness. How do I tell him I'm done doing the parenting without making it seem like I don't want my grandbabies in my life at all? -- Young Grandma, Detroit

DEAR YOUNG GRANDMA: It is not too late to establish boundaries. Give your son times when you can watch the children and when you are unavailable. Have a sit-down with him where you express your concern about his behavior and the subsequent responsibilities. Make it clear that his children are his duty, not yours, and this includes the one on the way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old son just had his birthday party and received a ton of gifts. I can't seem to get him to write thank-you notes, though. He thinks telling the people thank you in the moment was enough. How can I get him to show good manners? -- Writer's Block, Baltimore

DEAR WRITER'S BLOCK: Take away privileges, including his phone, other electronics and any gifts he received. Tell him that he will regain his privileges when he finishes writing all of the letters. Make sure you check to see that he completed everything and go with him to the mailbox to post them. Only then should you give him back his belongings.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has an overnight school trip planned, and I do not want him to go. He is a freshman in high school, and I know what these kids are up to, especially what they'll be trying to do in a hotel room in Washington, D.C.

The purpose of this trip is for learning, and he knows this; however, I don't trust his friends and the other kids on the trip. Teenage hormones and recklessness could wreak havoc, and my son will either end up having a little too much fun or maybe even end up in the hospital. What if one of these kids brings drugs? I don't feel comfortable sending him away like this.

I've spoken to teachers, and they say the rooms will be same-sex and that teachers will be monitoring the hallways of the hotel. It just doesn't feel right. I don't want to send my little boy away where God-knows-what can happen. How do I tell my son he isn't allowed to go on this trip? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but it's just not time yet. -- Too Far Away, Baltimore

DEAR TOO FAR AWAY: A group of boys in a hotel overnight could spell trouble. Still, I think you should give this further consideration. Your son is at the age where he needs to learn how to do things independently. Yes, there should be rules and regulations, and the school should be hyper-vigilant about enforcing them. You are right that the school cannot prevent every potential misdeed. But, do you think that if you give your son clear instructions about your expectations of him, he will consider them? Ask him to tell you how he could protect himself in a variety of scenarios. Make sure he understands the consequences of bad behavior. Speak to the teachers again, and be sure to point out which boys you worry will be instigators of bad behavior. Let the teachers know that you expect them to be on alert 24/7.

My gut says that if you do not let him go on the trip, it will have greater negative repercussions later during the school year when he has to deal with teasing and peer pressure.

DEAR HARRIETTE: During a power outage in my area, I was invited to stay with a friend who has a generator. I stayed for a week and just got home a few days ago. I want to put together a thoughtful thank you, but every time I think of something to put in a basket or what to write in a note, I cringe.

I thought about a towel set with candles, but that seems uncomfortable because it seems like I am trying to give them new towels in exchange for the ones I used. Candles seem crass because we just had a power outage. I also thought about thanking them for their hospitality but was not sure how to mention the power outage in the card.

This whole conundrum is causing stress for me, and I wish there was a template for a card and a list of universally accepted gifts. -- How to Be Thankful, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR HOW TO BE THANKFUL: Send a card simply saying thank you for your hospitality. You don't have to mention the power outage in the note. Everybody remembers it. Instead of a gift, invite them over for cocktails or dinner.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)