DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two best friends who have been in a serious relationship for five years. They recently got engaged and are scheduled to be married at the beginning of next spring.

The woman and I were hanging out and having some girl time when she received a phone call and quickly got up to leave the room. After she got back, I asked her about the call; after some pushing, I found out she has another man on the side whom she has been seeing for the past six months.

I am at a complete loss -- I love and am loyal to both of my best friends, and while I don't want to betray anyone's trust or be responsible for their breakup, I don't want to see them go through with a wedding that shouldn't happen. Should I tell her fiance that she is cheating, or should I stay out of this? Any guidance would be appreciated. -- Conflict of Interest, Philadelphia

DEAR CONFLICT OF INTEREST: This is a very tricky situation. The best thing you can do is speak directly to your friend who revealed the affair. Ask her if she still plans to get married. Directly ask her if she intends to stay with this other man or if she plans to commit fully to her upcoming marriage. Finally, make it clear to her that you consider yourself to be best friends with both her and her fiance. Suggest strongly that she work out her business so that she can do what's right for her and what's honorable for her relationship. Make it clear that you will not lie for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I try to take the bus or public transportation as often as I can. I live in a fairly affluent area, so public transportation is looked down upon. I don't have my own car, which is rare in my town, so I don't see it as a big deal to take a bus or train somewhere.

The first time I took the bus into my town, I was fairly excited I navigated it all alone, yet when I told my friends, they looked at me like I was poverty-stricken. It rubbed me the wrong way. Why should I have to hide what kind of transportation I took? Now I don't mention if I took the bus or train somewhere.

I regret not saying something more forceful the first time my friends thought I was a freak for using public transportation. Is it too late now? I don't want to be looked down upon just because I don't have a car and choose public transportation or walking. -- Environmentally Friendly, Bronxville, New York

DEAR ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY: Your mode of transportation should not be a source of ridicule. At the same time, it does not have to be the focus of conversation. There's no need to hide how you get to activities, but you don't need to advertise, either.

Stop worrying about what your friends think. Don't backtrack and bring it up again to justify yourself more forcefully. Let it go. You are being practical, which is smart. Don't forget that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Due to my age and health, I move about in a motorized wheelchair. My hips are no good anymore, and it's just easier for me this way. Part of the village I live in has a steep incline. This hill used to be manageable for me until a new business renovated the incline into stairs. This Mexican restaurant just remodeled the sidewalk into 6-foot-wide steps and left a slim sliver of sidewalk that isn't a stair. Going onto the road is incredibly unsafe, but I fear I am too close to the curb and steps on either side of me to try to tackle this hill.

I have considered writing a letter to this business, mentioning how it's upset the disabled community in the village, but I'm afraid we aren't its demographic anyway. -- Not Disability Friendly, Suburban Maryland

DEAR NOT DISABILITY FRIENDLY: You absolutely should write to the restaurant and file a Americans With Disabilities complaint with the United States Department of Justice (ada.gov/complaint). Federal law protects you and all disabled people: It is the law that you should have the ability to maneuver on sidewalks. Public establishments should also offer wheelchair access to restrooms. While it is not always easy to enforce this law, you can certainly try. You may need to engage the media to draw attention to your plight, but do not give up. Your safety may depend on your activism.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with overweight and obese children to help them develop healthy habits in regards to diet and exercise. The center has dance parties (Zumba for children), small cooking classes and a wealth of information and dietitians. We have helped many children, but I am noticing a sad trend. Once children go to about three to four weeks' worth of classes and workshops, their parents will see immediate improvement and withdraw them. At this point, children gain back the weight and turn into yo-yo dieters. I think that parents are in denial, and once their children experiences a little improvement, they decide it is good enough.

I could never force parents to keep their children enrolled, but we create fun programs and are really trying to make the next generation healthier. An intern mentioned using contracts to keep children enrolled and see long-term weight loss, but I think this goes against our message of wanting willing participants at the center. How can we persuade parents to keep children enrolled after the initial improvement? -- Fluctuating Weight and Attendance, Syracuse, New York

DEAR FLUCTUATING WEIGHT AND ATTENDANCE: Instead of contracts, why not consider incentives? Offer gifts to the children if they reach particular milestones of weight loss and fitness activity. You and your company can come up with affordable incentives that are exciting enough to lure children back after their initial success. With the parents' permission, you can post success stories on a private website that shows parents what sticking with the program will do for their children. It is possible to help some of these children long-term. Don't give up on them.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife's parents have never really liked me. They think I'm too loud, too competitive and too commanding in terms of deciding plans. Honestly, these traits aren't things I dislike about myself in the slightest. I like being the leader of excursions and deciding how events will go.

Anyway, as my mother-in-law's birthday is coming up, I was thinking of a way to win over my in-laws. They live in a senior community in Florida, and golf carts are an acceptable mode of transportation. So I thought of surprising my in-laws with a new golf cart so I'll be more favorable to them. My wife told me not to even try because I won't be able to buy their love, but this gift is so grand, I'm expecting a fairly positive reaction.

Is this the best route to go down with my in-laws? I doubt anyone can turn down a new golf cart! -- New Wheels From New Son, Dallas

DEAR NEW WHEELS FROM NEW SON: Your wife is right. You cannot buy anybody's love. You can impress them, and they may accept the gift, but it is doubtful that you will end up with the gift you really want -- acceptance. Indeed, the golf cart could come off as a loud and competitive way to win them over.

Rather than a physical gift, why not try listening a little better and figuring out what interests them? Try to talk less and listen more so that you get a sense of what makes them happy. Give them space to exert their own personalities, and over time you may be able to strike a comfortable relationship with them where no one dominates. As far as the golf cart goes, feel them out when you are together to see if they might like the idea. If so, then you can give it to them -- from you and your wife!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My preteen son plays on a travel soccer team. He's been playing soccer for eight years and has been around many different coaches in his life. I have liked most of these coaches; however, the most recent one really irks me. Whenever the boys get injured and aren't as aggressive as he'd like them to be, the coach yells at them to "act like men" or to "stop being pansies."

As a father, I've been trying to set a different example of masculinity for my son, and my son's coach seems to be reversing everything I've told my son about being able to express himself and his emotions. I don't want to seem like a pill, yet I feel like I should speak to the coach.

The boys on the team are about to become teenagers, and I don't think it's healthy for them to be constantly told to be aggressive and bottle up their emotions. How can I start the conversation with his coach? Should I ask other parents to join me, or should I confront him privately? -- Archaic Masculinity, Denver

DEAR ARCHAIC MASCULINITY: This is a time when there may be power in numbers. Speak to the other parents and ask them to go with you to speak to the coach. Chances are, however, that you won't get far. You can use this as a teaching opportunity where you talk to your son about the different ways that men express their masculinity. You may also want to take him off the team.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)