DEAR HARRIETTE: I had been feeling kind of stuck in my career trajectory for a while now, and until recently, I couldn't figure out why for the life of me. It became clear when I had lunch with a friend of mine, who works in the same profession as me. She is successful and moving quickly along her path. When I asked her how, she said she could not have done any of it without her mentor. She went on to talk to me about why having one is crucial, and about all of the benefits having a mentor has given to her.

When my friend found out I did not have a mentor, she told me I needed to get one immediately -- in her words, "like yesterday." I think this would be a great idea, but I have no idea where to start.

Do you think mentors are a good idea? If so, what do you think I should look for in one? -- Ready to Move Forward, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR READY TO MOVE FORWARD: I think mentors can be key in helping propel people's careers forward. Look for someone who is knowledgeable about your field of interest and who has a good reputation. Identify someone who is accessible to you, whether by a written letter asking for an informational interview or by referral. When you meet, explain your career dreams and ask if the person can provide you with guidance on how to get to your goal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been friends with a girl I met since the first day of school months back. In the couple of months we've known each other, we've become fast friends. It's nice to have someone who genuinely cares. We hang out, go to the mall, out to dinner, the movies, etc. My friend is bisexual, and I had no problems with that. Lately, though, I feel like she's forming a crush on me. She knows I have a boyfriend, but she says little things that allude to her liking me as more than just friends. At first I took it as her just being nice. Then she began to say things like, "You make me so happy" and "Whenever I see you, I smile because you're so pretty."

If she does like me, it's like she won't say it directly. She'll just hint at it. Maybe she's waiting for me to address it? If she does like me, how do I let her down easy? What's our friendship supposed to be like if this is the case? I really do like her as a friend and enjoy her company. -- Rejection's Not Easy, Boston

DEAR REJECTION'S NOT EASY: Don't make assumptions. Get the facts. If you do not want a romantic relationship with this woman and you believe she does, bring it up. Tell her how much you value your friendship. Tell her you are concerned that she may be growing interested in you and that you are worried about that. Point out that you are not bisexual, you have a boyfriend and you don't want to lose her friendship. Ask her what she thinks about everything. Come to a conclusion together about how to preserve your friendship.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am writing to you regarding how to conduct myself when a touchy subject comes up: addiction. My family has a history of addiction, and when I was a teenager, my father committed suicide due to his reliance on drugs and alcohol.

I am not an addict, and thankfully no one in my family currently is, but I clearly have a connection and knowledge about addicts. Decades have passed since this tragedy, and I don't reveal this often about my past. However, when a celebrity is called an addict or there are rumors about substance abuse, I try to give my two cents. Many people don't know what addiction is actually like. People don't take my advice seriously, and they ask what I know about reliance on drugs and alcohol. That's when I get uncomfortable. I know I can't say I am a good source without sharing my story, but I think it's important someone with knowledge chimes in instead of just gossips.

Should I keep my story to myself? I don't know if my father's story would be sympathized with or sensationalized. -- Knowledgeable But Private, Albany, New York

DEAR KNOWLEDGEABLE BUT PRIVATE: The only way you will be considered a credible voice among your friends -- or others -- when the topic of addiction comes up is for you to speak your truth. It may be time for you to reveal your personal story, including how devastating it was for your family to lose your father. You may also want to check in with a therapist to ensure that you are in a good emotional space before you make such a huge revelation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an incredibly strict diet. I compulsively count calories and exercise, but never to the point of malnourishment or hospitalization. I enjoy being thin, but I would never starve myself to the point where I look skeletal. I never thought about others noticing my eating habits until I was called out at a family brunch. I have a rule for myself that I eat only one-third to one-half of my plate and take the rest to go or have it thrown out. When my brother said how obvious my eating disorder was I was shocked. I would never make such claims about someone. I told him I am on a strict diet and he should mind his business, and an uncomfortable air settled over the table. Someone changed the topic, but it seemed like everyone was in agreement with him.

I didn't end up eating the rest of my food, but I am wondering what my next steps should be. Do I sweep this under the rug? Should I show my family exactly how my diet works so they won't be worried about me? -- No Disorder, Just Strict, Boston

DEAR NO DISORDER, JUST STRICT: The way you describe your controlled eating leads me to suggest to you that you check in with your doctor. Schedule a physical where your doctor checks your vitals. Tell him or her about your eating strategy, and let the doctor weigh in on whether you are indeed headed down a healthy path. He or she may recommend adjustments to your plan, suggest you visit a nutritionist or tell you if what you are doing now is right for you. Having a professional second opinion will support you and give you information to share with your family that will possibly get them to back off.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My job is not too lucrative -- I work in a local grocery store. I graduated from high school a few years ago, and I live with my mom. I have moved to the basement and have my own "apartment" down there.

Recently, I have been having some boundary issues with my mom. She'll come down when I have friends over or when I just want to be left alone. When I tell my mom to get out, she says that she is allowed in any part of her house. She's never acted like this before, and when I asked her what her problem is, I didn't get a response. What gives? I've lived in this house my whole life and have just started having problems with my mom. -- Need Boundaries, Queens, New York

DEAR NEED BOUNDARIES: You and your mother need to have a sit-down where you discuss the ground rules for living in her home as an adult. While this has been your home growing up, the tables turn after you are an adult. Find out what her expectations are, and share with her your desires.

As it relates to her coming into your space, think about how you ask her to give you privacy. Telling her to get out will definitely backfire, as it is a disrespectful tone to use with your mother. You may have created an argument simply in the way you requested her to go. Patch it up with your mother, and find a middle ground that you both can follow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After graduating from school with an art degree, I discovered that I want to be an author. I haven't even looked for a job in my field because I know I won't be happy anymore now that I really know what I want to do with my life. Looking at successful authors motivates me to write a book and hope it becomes a bestseller. I want to go on a book tour and have fans wanting autographed books.

My friends have told me this requires a college degree, but E.L. James, the author of the "Fifty Shades" trilogy, studied history and is now incredibly successful. Should I tell my friends they're not supporting my dream by urging me to continue school? I feel like I'm ready to write right now! -- Writing My Dreams, Denver

DEAR WRITING MY DREAMS: As an author myself, I can tell you that it is wonderful that you want to pursue this passion. I highly recommend that you do so. In order to complete a book, you do not need a college degree, but you do need a topic about which to write; enough information about the subject to write a credible book, whether it's fiction or nonfiction; excellent writing skills; and connections to get published. You may want to join writing workshops and other classes to help you hone your writing skills.

Most important is that you should look for a job that will pay your bills. Rarely do authors make enough money to support themselves solely from the books they have written. You will need money to pay for the pursuit of your dream.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)