DEAR HARRIETTE: My job is not too lucrative -- I work in a local grocery store. I graduated from high school a few years ago, and I live with my mom. I have moved to the basement and have my own "apartment" down there.

Recently, I have been having some boundary issues with my mom. She'll come down when I have friends over or when I just want to be left alone. When I tell my mom to get out, she says that she is allowed in any part of her house. She's never acted like this before, and when I asked her what her problem is, I didn't get a response. What gives? I've lived in this house my whole life and have just started having problems with my mom. -- Need Boundaries, Queens, New York

DEAR NEED BOUNDARIES: You and your mother need to have a sit-down where you discuss the ground rules for living in her home as an adult. While this has been your home growing up, the tables turn after you are an adult. Find out what her expectations are, and share with her your desires.

As it relates to her coming into your space, think about how you ask her to give you privacy. Telling her to get out will definitely backfire, as it is a disrespectful tone to use with your mother. You may have created an argument simply in the way you requested her to go. Patch it up with your mother, and find a middle ground that you both can follow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After graduating from school with an art degree, I discovered that I want to be an author. I haven't even looked for a job in my field because I know I won't be happy anymore now that I really know what I want to do with my life. Looking at successful authors motivates me to write a book and hope it becomes a bestseller. I want to go on a book tour and have fans wanting autographed books.

My friends have told me this requires a college degree, but E.L. James, the author of the "Fifty Shades" trilogy, studied history and is now incredibly successful. Should I tell my friends they're not supporting my dream by urging me to continue school? I feel like I'm ready to write right now! -- Writing My Dreams, Denver

DEAR WRITING MY DREAMS: As an author myself, I can tell you that it is wonderful that you want to pursue this passion. I highly recommend that you do so. In order to complete a book, you do not need a college degree, but you do need a topic about which to write; enough information about the subject to write a credible book, whether it's fiction or nonfiction; excellent writing skills; and connections to get published. You may want to join writing workshops and other classes to help you hone your writing skills.

Most important is that you should look for a job that will pay your bills. Rarely do authors make enough money to support themselves solely from the books they have written. You will need money to pay for the pursuit of your dream.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I just got back from an eye-opening humanitarian trip to India. I went on behalf of a philanthropic organization, The PRASAD Project (theprasadproject.org), for which I serve on the board. What I witnessed changed my perspective on life.

Like many of you, I pride myself on being conscientious about the way that others live. I do not presume that everyone has the tangible blessings that I have. Being grateful for the plenty in my life and knowing the importance of the Biblical notion "to whom much is given, much is expected," I visited this amazing country with my eyes open. The small international group with whom I traveled came together to visit the various projects that we have developed and funded. The work of The PRASAD Project (which stands for Philanthropic Relief, Altruistic Service And Development) is intended to uplift and empower children and families in need -- to help them help themselves.

The breadth of need gave me pause. As we traveled to different destinations largely on dirt roads in the forest of the Tansa Valley, about two hours outside of Mumbai, we saw many people walking: women with strong backs and bare feet balancing aluminum bowls of water on their heads; girls and boys laughing and talking wearing crisp uniforms, nearly half of them shoeless on the rock-filled road; dry land as far as you could see with no water for drinking or bathing for miles.

Life for these people, known as Adivasis, the tribal people of India, is harder than anything I can imagine experiencing firsthand, let alone on a daily basis. And yet there was a tremendous sense of dignity, hope and conviction in each of their faces; for many we engaged, there was a heartfelt expression of gratitude. We visited one village of 25 families that had just finished building, with our support, a toilet for each home. Up until 2016, they had no formal sanitation. Another village showed us the water pump that we helped them install. It sits a few hundred feet away from the water hole that they have used for generations to feed their families. The water in that hole was yellow and murky, sure to harbor disease.

I could share endless stories of the transformation we witnessed thanks to the generosity of people who want to help those in need -- even when they may be experiencing struggles themselves. The effect of a small donation -- to restore eyesight, to feed a starving child, to empower women -- was palpable for all to see.

What I want to say to you is that whether it is my charity of choice or another, please seriously consider giving to those who are struggling to survive. Recognizing that we live in a global community where some people literally cannot find clean water or a place to go to the bathroom is a powerful reminder that we must be our brother’s keeper. It cannot be OK for some of us to enjoy luxuries ad infinitum if we do not also support our brothers and sisters and children who would benefit enormously from even a tiny gift from us.

I left India with the smiles of children, who had just received milk from our nutrition program, emblazoned on my heart. I dream of a world where all of our children are well-fed and healthy, where all of our families are connected and strong and where all of our communities feel supported on their journey to live honorable, sustainable lives. Don’t you?

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past three years, I've dated four guys. Each time, it was fairly casual -- or that's how it seemed to me. However, a few of them were ready to commit to being in a relationship.

When I looked back at each situation, I tried to analyze what was missing for me from each of these relationships and came to the conclusion that what was missing was chemistry. I am a practical person, but when it comes to relationships, the chemistry has always had to be there. I am getting older and don't want to end up alone, and I am starting to reconsider my stance.

What are your thoughts on the importance of chemistry in a relationship? Should I keep it on my list as a requirement, or am I just being irresponsible at this point? -- Made to Love, Dalllas

DEAR MADE TO LOVE: I recently met a woman who has been married for more than 30 years, thanks to an arranged marriage, a common experience in her culture. She described a happy, healthy life that she has had with her husband and family, one that was built on trust that her parents selected the right partner for her, coupled with the commitment that people marry for life.

In American culture, especially now, the mores are different. People fall in and out of love and do not necessarily think a relationship will last unless the fires are forever burning. I believe reality lives somewhere in between for most of us. Instead of searching for chemistry, write a list of attributes and interests that you find important in a life partner. The list can include anything from sense of humor to responsibility to devotion to family. Avoid physical features, which change over time. But you can add attributes about how you feel when you are with him. Be open to a partner who shares your values about life, love and commitment. Then welcome the chemistry in!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a three-level house that was made into several apartments, and while I love my neighbors, I have an issue. We don't live on a really dangerous street, but it's not all peaches and cream. Despite that, my downstairs neighbors insist on leaving the door unlocked when they take a trip to the store down the street. Recently, a random person tried to break into my apartment while my neighbors were on one of their quick trips. We spoke about this, and my neighbors agreed to not leave the door open, which worked for a few months.

Recently, I've noticed my neighbors have gone back to their old habits, and I want to know what I should do. Should I try to talk to them again, or should I go over their heads? I would hate to do that, but I need to feel safe. -- How Did You Get Here, Philadelphia

DEAR HOW DID YOU GET HERE: Go directly to your landlord and explain the situation. Ask to have an automatic lock put on the outer door to the house. This will solve your problem, as it will require that every time the door closes, it will have to be reopened with a key.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)