DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother's last years were fairly hectic. He was sick with cancer and unfortunately passed about a week ago. He was married for many years, but as he became ill, his wife left him for a new man. He passed, surrounded by loved ones, but his wife broke her vows by not staying with him in sickness. Now that he has passed, she reached out to the family asking if she could attend the funeral.

My brother's estranged wife wants to right her wrongs now, but there are some strong feelings against her in my family. I would like to deny her request, but know it may be morally corrupt to deny her this opportunity for closure. The funeral is in a week. Should I allow her to come to the funeral? -- Slighted Brother, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR SLIGHTED BROTHER: Have a family meeting to discuss this. It's understandable that some members would not want her at the funeral. What she did was hurtful and seemingly very selfish. And yet it was their business. If the family can forgive her and allow her to come to the service, let her know. If allowed, she should not bring the other man. If the decision is no, tell her that the family asked for her to respect them by not attending. Be a united front.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work closely with a woman in my company. We collaborate on documents and spend a lot of time coming up with ideas and brainstorming. I enjoy her company, but her organizational skills drive me insane. She is one of the most disorganized co-workers in my company. She has countless documents that are repetitive and lose meaning quickly. It is very difficult for me to keep up with her. What's worse is that she believes she is extremely well-organized. Having hundreds of documents to sift through does not help anyone stay organized!

I would like to communicate with her, kindly, that she is not as well-organized as she thinks she is. We have the same job, therefore the same ranking, so I'm not quite sure how to word this. -- Streamline, Dallas

DEAR STREAMLINE: Rather than cutting her down by letting her know she's not as organized as she thinks, why not share some of your strategies with her? As you are discussing a particular subject, show her how you have set up your files for that project. Do so without lecturing. Walk her through your system so she can see another way of organizing.

In terms of repetitive and unclear communication, talk to her about how you record ideas. When documents do not make sense to you, point that out to her. If you address things in the moment, it is easier because it is often less emotionally charged. You may also want to reconsider roles when you collaborate. What is she good at doing? If she has good ideas but is not skilled at capturing them in writing, maybe you take the lead on documentation to ensure that your collective work works.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My children are 4 and 6 years old. They are young now, so they go to day camp over the summer. However, I was thinking recently that in a few years, different arrangements for their summers will have to be made. I went to sleepaway camp for years and had the best summers of my life in the hills of Pennsylvania. My husband never went to camp other than brief day camps. He played sports or went on family vacations during his summers growing up.

When I mentioned sending our children to camp, my husband said, "Bad parents send their kids to camp because they don't want to spend time with them." Excuse me? My parents had to work long hours as I was growing up, and they definitely needed a break in the summertime. They also wanted my sister and me to meet hundreds of other children and be in nature.

I never knew my husband was so against sending children away for a summer. He really struck a nerve with me. I want my kids to go to summer camp at some point in their lives. -- Struck a Nerve, Boston

DEAR STRUCK A NERVE: This strikes a chord with me. I was not a summer camp kid at all, but my 12-year-old daughter has been going to summer camp for four years now. Why? She really wanted to go, so I researched camps and found one, recommended by her school, that seemed safe and interesting. We started slow, with the shortest allowable stay of two weeks.

Begin to look into camps now; find out what families attend the ones that interest you, and tell your husband that there are tremendous benefits from the experience. Two weeks is hardly the whole summer, so starting with a short stay may pique your husband's interest a little. Of course, you also have to have a child who wants to do it. Between your two children, you will learn whether either or both want to try it out. If so, suggest to your husband that you give it a try.

Regarding the apology, it's not necessary. Just work on getting your children into a positive experience.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my brother immensely, but he refuses every form of help. His girlfriend recently kicked him out of their home because he cheated on her after a night of drunken debauchery. Since then, he has been sleeping outside on the porch of what used to be his home! He looks like a dog attempting to repent for his sins. His girlfriend hasn't spoken to him, and she put his belongings out for him to take away. My family has offered to take him in for a little while so he can find an apartment, but he has just been sleeping on this couch for days! How do we talk some sense into him? I think he believes they'll get back together when it's clearly over. -- Let Me Help You, Denver

DEAR LET ME HELP YOU: Offer shelter to your brother and remind him that he doesn't live with his girlfriend anymore. Point out that if he continues, she may have him arrested. Otherwise, let this run its course. He has to learn his own lessons, as hard as it may be for you to watch.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in kind of a dating slump. I can't seem to get a call back, and all the dates I go on have lagging and awkward conversations. I dread having to think of things to say, but I don't know how to be inquisitive without seeming nosy. I know I need to up my game because a girl told me she was a "little bored" after a date once. This bummed me out, and I know I need to work on my conversational skills. How do I knock a date out of the park? -- Losing the Game, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR LOSING THE GAME: When you invite someone out on a date, you can ask what she's interested in and select an activity that requires action instead of only talking, like bowling, skating or rock climbing. This way, you have something to talk about that's built into your date.

In terms of actual conversation, people usually like to talk about themselves. Ask questions that get your date to open up. You can ask about what she likes to do for fun, what her favorite anything is -- book, movie, video game, cuisine. Ask her about her family, her work, her friends. When she asks you questions, answer them. If you can tell stories that illustrate your thoughts rather than one-word answers, she will be interested.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have lived with my roommates for almost a whole year. As our lease is coming up, they decided they will be renewing it, and we'll all be living together again. I like some of my current roommates, but I could not imagine living in the same situation next year. No one has asked me if I would like to go through with this arrangement, and the fact that I have not been consulted offends me. I have never mentioned being all right with living with my current roommates for another lease. I am annoyed with their assumptions. I want them to ask me if I'd like to live with them for another year.

How can I tell someone to ask me about my living situation instead of just assuming? I cannot be stuck in a lease with partiers again. -- Moving House, Norman, Oklahoma

DEAR MOVING HOUSE: Rather than being offended that your unruly roommates didn't consult you about re-upping next year, make a plan to get out of there. Look for another apartment that you can afford. If you need to have roommates, look for people with whom you feel compatible. Then tell your roommates that you do not intend to sign on for another year with them. Give them enough time to find a replacement roommate, and resist expressing judgmental comments to them about their behavior. If they press you about why you don't want to stay with them -- which they probably won't if you don't share their interests -- tell them that you don't feel like you are a good fit with their group.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)