DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently did the unthinkable. My friend and his girlfriend have been in a rocky relationship for two years now. They always come to me to fix their problems. Lately, it's gotten really bad. His girlfriend feels as though she should be entitled to his money, since he wants to be the breadwinner of the house and makes more than her. He doesn't agree. By "breadwinner," he means he wants to pay all the bills. He feels that her personal expenses (hair, nails, makeup, clothes, shoes, etc.) should be bought by herself unless he gives her a gift. He told me that ever since he said he wanted to be the breadwinner, she got lazy. She didn't want to work anymore and was fine with him having to pay for everything. He wants the feisty, independent girl he fell for back.

Last night she kicked him out, and he came to stay at my place. As we're talking about their issues he looked at me and said, "You depend on a man for nothing. Always getting what's yours and working toward what you want. I love that about you." In the midst of a simple thank you, he kissed me, and now I'm waking up next to my best friend with no clothes on. I hate that I actually engaged in sex with him, knowing he has a girlfriend. I feel bad that even though he started it, I didn't stop him. I don't know if it's because I just wanted him to feel better, or if I actually wanted it as bad as he did. If it's the latter, I'm afraid I won't be able to control myself around him anymore.

How do we discuss what happens from here? I don't want to rush into a relationship with him over one night of vulnerable sex. -- At a Crossroads, Philadelphia

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: Take a step back and think about what values you and your friend share. He wants to be the breadwinner; he likes an independent woman. There is potential conflict in his stance. Translation: He may not be the man for you, regardless of his girlfriend. Figure out your sincere interest. Next, talk to him. Let him know you regret taking that action at a vulnerable point for both of them. Explain that if you two are ever to be more than friends, he has to be available. You will not cross that line again unless you are both free to go there. If you choose to just be friends, figure out how to do that together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I can't get my husband to go to the doctor. He has always been a strong and healthy man with good habits. However, he recently started getting random sharp pains in his chest. They last only a split second, and they tend to happen at random. At least, that's what he's said to me. I want him to go to the doctor to check it out, but he does not seem to think of it as a big deal. How can I convince him to take this seriously? -- Supportive Wife, Stubborn Husband, Detroit

DEAR SUPPORTIVE WIFE, STUBBORN HUSBAND: Look up information online about causes of chest pain and show him what you find. Remind him how much you love him and how devastated you would be if anything happened to him. Appeal to his love for you as a reason to get a checkup.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Ten months ago, my girlfriend said that she was pregnant. It would be my first child, so as you can imagine, I was ecstatic and anxious. I loved her. Although this child wasn't planned and came out of the blue, I was going to stay by her side and raise our baby.

I was seriously devoted. I attended every single checkup, ultrasound, pregnancy class, etc. I think I brought everything as far as necessities went for the baby. I attended the baby shower, proud that in a few months, I would be welcoming my firstborn into the world. As I thought more about it, though, it didn't add up. The time we had sex and the time she conceived weren't adding up.

I pushed my insecurities to the side. I still went into the delivery room and held her hand. But once my son was born, I just felt funny. I should have been happy, over the moon, overjoyed -- but I wasn't. I knew why. I couldn't ignore it anymore. So I had a paternity test done while she was at work. A couple of weeks ago, the results came in the mail, giving me the worst news of my life: My son is not mine. I am only 19 percent likely to be his father. That means some other man is walking this Earth 80 percent likely his daddy.

I couldn't believe it. I loved her so much. I don't know how to accept it, and I hate her for doing this. What's worse, I hate the kid. I hate him with every fiber in my being. I can't even look at him. My now-ex-girlfriend confessed to it and left. She came back last night, saying that the real father won't accept them and doesn't believe her, basically leaving her with no place to stay.

I could be that guy and let her stay with me, but I don't want to. I don't want to be nice and thoughtful. Where was her thoughtfulness when she slept with another man and hid the truth from me for 10 months? What happened to her loyalty then? I hate them so much, but I know my mother raised me better. What do I do? Do I let her stay with me and live hating her and this kid? Or do I tell her to kick rocks? I've never been in this type of situation, and honestly I don't want her back. I just feel like it would be a lot of drama and stress if I let her back in. -- Hateful and Resenting, New Brunswick, New Jersey

DEAR HATEFUL AND RESENTING: Your hurt is raw right now, and perfectly understandable. While at the moment you feel duped and outraged, I recommend that you meditate on this. You did claim this child as your own. Since the birth father will not acknowledge him, you may want to think about reclaiming him. That doesn't mean you have to build a relationship with her, although you could possibly forgive her over time. Think about the child with love, even though it's tough today. The child is innocent and deserves love and protection. He could still be your child if you choose to love him despite the deceit that brought him into the world.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend of 10 years recently went through a nasty divorce after five years of marriage, and to save money, she ended up moving in with me temporarily. Ever since then, she has been pouring herself into work, working long hours without rest. I check in on her often to make sure she's all right, and while she claims that she is OK, I am starting to see some signs of emotional distress. I am worried that she might be depressed and trying to hide it through work. However, I am neither a mental health professional nor a divorcee.

I want to be there for my friend, and by that, I mean I want to do more than just offer general platitudes of encouragement. What can I do to support her through this? -- True Friends, Milwaukee

DEAR TRUE FRIENDS: Going through a divorce ranks as one of the highest stressors one can experience, so it makes sense that your friend is showing emotional wear and tear. One way you may be able to help her is to invite her to participate in social activities that may offset her workaholic tendencies. Simple things can make a difference, like taking a walk, going out to dinner with a small group, visiting a museum, going to the movies, even going for a beauty treatment.

You can also let your friend know that you are concerned about her and want to know how you can best be of help. Invite her to talk about what's going on and how she is feeling.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a freelancer for creative work. I've been working different jobs for years, but I decided to strike out on my own after being laid off a few times. This will be my second year working independently, and the spring, summer and fall seasons have seen me my up to my neck in work at times. However, I am experiencing a serious slowdown this winter. Although I have spoken to other freelancers and found out the winter slowdown is normal, it still doesn't stop me from worrying about my finances. It also does not help with the winter blues that come around every year. Do you have any advice for getting through this slump with my emotions -- and pockets -- intact? -- All About the Benjamins, Detroit

DEAR ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS: As an entrepreneur myself, I can tell you that different seasons bring different harvests of income. This means that you need to be like a squirrel. When you are making money, stash as much of it away as you can so that you have a reserve for the lean times. This is much easier to say than do, by the way. But if you can create the discipline to save for that rainy day, it will become easier to be a freelancer. Also, during the slow periods, keep pitching for new business. A friend told me years ago that you always want to have outstanding invoices, because that means that you always have money promised.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)