DEAR HARRIETTE: Ten months ago, my girlfriend said that she was pregnant. It would be my first child, so as you can imagine, I was ecstatic and anxious. I loved her. Although this child wasn't planned and came out of the blue, I was going to stay by her side and raise our baby.

I was seriously devoted. I attended every single checkup, ultrasound, pregnancy class, etc. I think I brought everything as far as necessities went for the baby. I attended the baby shower, proud that in a few months, I would be welcoming my firstborn into the world. As I thought more about it, though, it didn't add up. The time we had sex and the time she conceived weren't adding up.

I pushed my insecurities to the side. I still went into the delivery room and held her hand. But once my son was born, I just felt funny. I should have been happy, over the moon, overjoyed -- but I wasn't. I knew why. I couldn't ignore it anymore. So I had a paternity test done while she was at work. A couple of weeks ago, the results came in the mail, giving me the worst news of my life: My son is not mine. I am only 19 percent likely to be his father. That means some other man is walking this Earth 80 percent likely his daddy.

I couldn't believe it. I loved her so much. I don't know how to accept it, and I hate her for doing this. What's worse, I hate the kid. I hate him with every fiber in my being. I can't even look at him. My now-ex-girlfriend confessed to it and left. She came back last night, saying that the real father won't accept them and doesn't believe her, basically leaving her with no place to stay.

I could be that guy and let her stay with me, but I don't want to. I don't want to be nice and thoughtful. Where was her thoughtfulness when she slept with another man and hid the truth from me for 10 months? What happened to her loyalty then? I hate them so much, but I know my mother raised me better. What do I do? Do I let her stay with me and live hating her and this kid? Or do I tell her to kick rocks? I've never been in this type of situation, and honestly I don't want her back. I just feel like it would be a lot of drama and stress if I let her back in. -- Hateful and Resenting, New Brunswick, New Jersey

DEAR HATEFUL AND RESENTING: Your hurt is raw right now, and perfectly understandable. While at the moment you feel duped and outraged, I recommend that you meditate on this. You did claim this child as your own. Since the birth father will not acknowledge him, you may want to think about reclaiming him. That doesn't mean you have to build a relationship with her, although you could possibly forgive her over time. Think about the child with love, even though it's tough today. The child is innocent and deserves love and protection. He could still be your child if you choose to love him despite the deceit that brought him into the world.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend of 10 years recently went through a nasty divorce after five years of marriage, and to save money, she ended up moving in with me temporarily. Ever since then, she has been pouring herself into work, working long hours without rest. I check in on her often to make sure she's all right, and while she claims that she is OK, I am starting to see some signs of emotional distress. I am worried that she might be depressed and trying to hide it through work. However, I am neither a mental health professional nor a divorcee.

I want to be there for my friend, and by that, I mean I want to do more than just offer general platitudes of encouragement. What can I do to support her through this? -- True Friends, Milwaukee

DEAR TRUE FRIENDS: Going through a divorce ranks as one of the highest stressors one can experience, so it makes sense that your friend is showing emotional wear and tear. One way you may be able to help her is to invite her to participate in social activities that may offset her workaholic tendencies. Simple things can make a difference, like taking a walk, going out to dinner with a small group, visiting a museum, going to the movies, even going for a beauty treatment.

You can also let your friend know that you are concerned about her and want to know how you can best be of help. Invite her to talk about what's going on and how she is feeling.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a freelancer for creative work. I've been working different jobs for years, but I decided to strike out on my own after being laid off a few times. This will be my second year working independently, and the spring, summer and fall seasons have seen me my up to my neck in work at times. However, I am experiencing a serious slowdown this winter. Although I have spoken to other freelancers and found out the winter slowdown is normal, it still doesn't stop me from worrying about my finances. It also does not help with the winter blues that come around every year. Do you have any advice for getting through this slump with my emotions -- and pockets -- intact? -- All About the Benjamins, Detroit

DEAR ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS: As an entrepreneur myself, I can tell you that different seasons bring different harvests of income. This means that you need to be like a squirrel. When you are making money, stash as much of it away as you can so that you have a reserve for the lean times. This is much easier to say than do, by the way. But if you can create the discipline to save for that rainy day, it will become easier to be a freelancer. Also, during the slow periods, keep pitching for new business. A friend told me years ago that you always want to have outstanding invoices, because that means that you always have money promised.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a vegetarian who does not like to talk about my eating habits. Quite frankly, I don't enjoy the judgment or the ensuing debate about motives and how much my eating habits are truly changing the world. At a mixer I was offered bite-size sliders and politely refused them. One of the four men I was speaking to asked why I didn't have one, and I said I wasn't hungry. He then insisted they were great and I had to have one, at which point I told him I do not like eating meat. The whole group seemed shocked and asked me what I consider to be unprofessional questions, like where various nutrients come from. One of the men with whom we were previously speaking about business sarcastically congratulated me on not bragging about being a vegetarian all the time. He also mentioned how I must be involved in some steroid usage because I don't seem like a "weakling." He immediately turned me off. My company was considering doing a business deal with his company, but now I have to decide if his behavior about my diet is enough to judge him on professionally. I do not want to work with someone so rude, but I am not sure if I am taking his comments too personally. Is it too much to judge this potential collaborator from his comments toward me? I don't know him professionally, but his casually rude attitude bothered me. -- Business Not Personal, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR BUSINESS NOT PERSONAL: How much power do you have in this decision? The answer to this question should be an eye-opener. If you have the authority to green-light his company, consider if there is a way for you to address his callousness in advance of a decision. Following up to say that you were seriously recommending his company for the project but you are reluctant based upon his apparent bias might serve as a wake-up call. He may need to hear that he was rude and unprofessional and that it made you, his potential client, very uncomfortable. The way he reacts could help you make the decision.

If you do not have power in this deal, tell your supervisor what happened and suggest that your company proceed with caution.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a building with three apartments in it, and I have a couple who lives upstairs from me. While they seem like lovely people, I am kept up by their fighting at least three times a week. Our walls are paper-thin, and they yell so loud that you can hear every word and every item that crashes. I don't necessarily want to put myself in the middle of anything, but I can't sleep well with their arguing. How can I get them to quiet down? -- Team Needs Sleep, Atlanta

DEAR TEAM NEEDS SLEEP: You can start by knocking on the ceiling with a broom when they get too loud. They will likely be shocked at hearing you and may quiet down. You can also leave a note under their door asking them to keep it down because you can't sleep when they fight. If that doesn't work, speak to your landlord. Your last resort is calling 311. You can actually report them to the police for disturbing the peace.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)