DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor has a passion for weird pets. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but my neighbor also can't keep her animals contained. She has a couple of swans that wander outdoors. The rest of her animals stay in the house. I've come out to my backyard and been faced with angry swans trying to attack me! This has probably happened a dozen times. At first, I ignored it. Eventually, I called her to shepherd her swans away from my property. She asked me to never call animal control, and said that she'd always be willing to come and collect them. My wife and children are faced with them, too, and the birds have already bitten my wife. I want to maintain a relationship with my neighbor, but I cannot have her birds running about biting my family! How can I get the swans away and stay cordial with my neighbor? -- Scary Swans, Stamford, Connecticut

DEAR SCARY SWANS: Swans are not necessarily weird, but they aren't really pets either. They are wild birds that cannot readily be tamed. This means that your friend either needs to figure out a way to contain them in her yard or face dealing with the authorities. Because swans can fly, a fence won't prevent them from entering your property, though it could dissuade them from turning in your direction.

You can ask your neighbor to try a tall fence to steer the swans in another direction. Tell her that one of her swans has bitten your wife and you feel unsafe. Make it clear that if she cannot contain the birds, you will have no choice but to call the authorities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met my current husband of 12 years through an affair. This happened 15 years ago, and I thought this was all well behind me. At the time I knew it was a bit of a scandal, but I assumed everyone got over it. Recently, I was grilled by one of my friends on how I met my husband. I became visibly uncomfortable and tried to work around the question, but she wasn't having it! It was clear I did not want to talk about how I met my husband. Later, I found out she didn't know how my husband and I met, but I still think it was invasive of her to ask. You don't know everyone's stories! My feelings are hurt that she kept insisting to know how we met, and I want to talk to her about her behavior. I know it is silly to try to ban everyone from asking how people met, but I don't want people asking me this. What can I say to my nosy friend? -- Least Favorite Topic, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR LEAST FAVORITE TOPIC: First, please know that it is common for people to ask how couples met. It is not an invasive question. It's more like an icebreaker that most people feel comfortable answering. You and your husband may want to think of a way to tell your story that excludes the scandal of it. But don't penalize your friend for her innocence.

While you have made peace with your choice from many years ago, it is not fair for you to have hurt feelings over someone outing your past action that directly affects your status today. Don't confront her. Let it go.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am planning a trip sailing around the Caribbean with five other couples. My children could not go on this trip, so most of the couples understood and are excited that we're having an adults-only trip. The wife of one of my friends has been emailing me to see if her college-aged son can come on the trip. She argues that he's not a child and needs something to do because he'll have a break from school. Honestly, I don't like the kid in the first place, but I especially don't want this delinquent ruining the adults-only theme. I have been repeating that this is an adults-only trip while the mother reiterates that her son is an adult. She's not getting the hint. How do I tell her that her son is not welcome on this trip? -- Grown-Ups Only, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR GROWN-UPS ONLY: Start with compassion. If your children were available to go, you would be speaking very differently about this cruise. The fact that you don't want this woman's son to participate should not negate the sensitivity that the moment calls for. Her son is available to attend; otherwise, he will be alone.

Knowing this, you can still tell her that her son is not welcome, that the invited group represents the adult peers and no children, regardless of their age. You can acknowledge, too, that you understand that she may not be able to attend if she feels her son will want or need to be with her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother likes my sister and me to write thank-you notes for practically everything. I understand that these notes are seen as polite, but I think she's just trying to impress her new boyfriend by having us be proper. I've had to write a thank-you note thanking her boyfriend and his family for coming to dinner at our house! I feel that is excessive, but I admit I don't know how far the rules regarding thank-you notes extend. Do you write a thank-you note only after a gift has been given to you? This is what I originally thought, but after writing thank-you notes for practically everything, I realize I may be wrong. -- So Very Thankful, Providence, Rhode Island

DEAR SO VERY THANKFUL: Your mother certainly does tend toward the extreme when it comes to the thank-you note. Historically, when someone came to your home for dinner, it was considered good manners for the guest to write what was called a "bread-and-butter note" the next day to say thank you for the hospitality. It is not expected for the host to send a note, although it is friendly to do so.

In your mother's defense, expressing gratitude is always a good idea. Given what you think is a hidden agenda, you may want to ask her to lighten up. Tell her that you would like to get to know her boyfriend in an organic way, rather than what feels like trying to impress him.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle treats my cousin like she is stupid. She and I are the same age, and watching him lecture her on basic information that she knows is too much for me.

We are in our 20s, and he thinks that he is teaching her about time zones or other basic information, like how to fill a car with gas. Anyone who has gone to school knows what a time zone is! My cousin just accepts this or doesn't say anything, presumably because it has been going on for so long.

He treats my cousin like a student and has recently tried to extend this behavior to me. I am a college-educated woman, and I do not need to be talked down to. I assume my uncle does this because of my gender. How can I respectfully tell him to bug off whenever he tries to dumb things down for me? -- Not Dumb, Detroit

DEAR NOT DUMB: If your cousin has never expressed any feelings about what her father says to her, do not assume that she has the same reaction as you. There's a chance that your cousin may need reminders about topics that you consider "basic."

Rather than focusing on how he talks to her, you can be mindful of how he talks to you. When he turns to you and says something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can address it. You might ask him why he thinks you do not know whatever the topic is. You can gracefully assure him that you are following the conversation. You can also excuse yourself if he continues to speak to you in a disparaging way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am opposed to my children watching sitcoms. It does not matter to me what the show is about, I just cannot stand the show prompting them on when to laugh! Occasionally, I catch my kids watching sitcoms with my husband within earshot. I do not even know who to blame. I have tried parental controls, but my preteens know how to disable those.

I want to get the point to everyone that sitcoms turn you into a zombie who needs to be told when to laugh. Should I get rid of the shared TV in the house? I want to be able to control the media my kids are consuming. -- Watchful Mother, Denver

DEAR WATCHFUL MOTHER: Your children are nearing the age when they will be making decisions for themselves. You can try to enforce stricter rules about what they watch on television, but considering that your husband does not share your views, you probably will not win.

Further, you seem to be taking an extreme view. While it can be argued that many sitcoms are silly at best, I doubt that most people turn into zombies upon watching them. Some people enjoy the foolishness in some of these shows as comic distraction.

While there surely are more enriching activities that can serve as distractions from the day-to-day, sitcoms won't kill them. Instead of fighting your children, you may want to invite your family to participate in other activities outside the home that encourage engagement with one another.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)