DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle treats my cousin like she is stupid. She and I are the same age, and watching him lecture her on basic information that she knows is too much for me.

We are in our 20s, and he thinks that he is teaching her about time zones or other basic information, like how to fill a car with gas. Anyone who has gone to school knows what a time zone is! My cousin just accepts this or doesn't say anything, presumably because it has been going on for so long.

He treats my cousin like a student and has recently tried to extend this behavior to me. I am a college-educated woman, and I do not need to be talked down to. I assume my uncle does this because of my gender. How can I respectfully tell him to bug off whenever he tries to dumb things down for me? -- Not Dumb, Detroit

DEAR NOT DUMB: If your cousin has never expressed any feelings about what her father says to her, do not assume that she has the same reaction as you. There's a chance that your cousin may need reminders about topics that you consider "basic."

Rather than focusing on how he talks to her, you can be mindful of how he talks to you. When he turns to you and says something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can address it. You might ask him why he thinks you do not know whatever the topic is. You can gracefully assure him that you are following the conversation. You can also excuse yourself if he continues to speak to you in a disparaging way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am opposed to my children watching sitcoms. It does not matter to me what the show is about, I just cannot stand the show prompting them on when to laugh! Occasionally, I catch my kids watching sitcoms with my husband within earshot. I do not even know who to blame. I have tried parental controls, but my preteens know how to disable those.

I want to get the point to everyone that sitcoms turn you into a zombie who needs to be told when to laugh. Should I get rid of the shared TV in the house? I want to be able to control the media my kids are consuming. -- Watchful Mother, Denver

DEAR WATCHFUL MOTHER: Your children are nearing the age when they will be making decisions for themselves. You can try to enforce stricter rules about what they watch on television, but considering that your husband does not share your views, you probably will not win.

Further, you seem to be taking an extreme view. While it can be argued that many sitcoms are silly at best, I doubt that most people turn into zombies upon watching them. Some people enjoy the foolishness in some of these shows as comic distraction.

While there surely are more enriching activities that can serve as distractions from the day-to-day, sitcoms won't kill them. Instead of fighting your children, you may want to invite your family to participate in other activities outside the home that encourage engagement with one another.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My job involves selling medical supplies. I travel to nursing homes, speak to various people and then report to the building supervisor what employees or elderly people want.

There are times when I'm speaking to elderly people or seeing someone using a product that I can't tell if that person is a man or a woman. I know people can choose to identify as whatever gender they choose, but I cannot find a way around this dilemma. I have tried saying, "I saw a person using such-and-such equipment," and I'm always asked if it's a man or a woman (for clarity reasons).

I understand the need to collect data on which supplies are used where, but I could never imagine myself walking up to someone and asking what gender they are. I feel like that would cause offense! How can I navigate around this gender question? I genuinely cannot tell the gender of the people I interact with sometimes! -- Gender Bender, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR GENDER BENDER: I can see how sensitive this could be. One potential way to gather information without offending anyone would be to strike up a conversation with the people you are observing and introduce yourself. You can follow by asking them to share their names. Often, you can tell someone's gender based upon his or her name. This will at least give you more data for your company. Under no means should you ask someone to clarify what gender he or she is. That would be rude and disconcerting.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Living in a small town definitely has its disadvantages, especially when dating. My parents sometimes end up going to the exact same place as me on a date! They claim this is an accident, and it is plausible, since there are only a handful of places to go on a date. My friends, however, think my parents go to the same places to spy on me. I always tell them where I am going, but it's so frustrating to be on a date in a restaurant with your parents 50 feet away!

I am 17 and have been going on dates with a girl I really like. I do not want my parents to creep her out. Should I start lying about where I am going? I jokingly told them I was going to "ground" them whenever I go out to dinner, and my mother was very hurt. -- No Double-Dating, Bumpass, Virginia

DEAR NO DOUBLE-DATING: It is perfectly reasonable for you to wish your parents would not dine at the restaurant where you are bringing your date. Rather than resorting to lying, sit down with your parents and have a serious conversation with them. Remind them how much you respect them, and thank them for preparing you to be independent. Explain that you need space when you go out with your girlfriend and that it is uncomfortable to have your parents sitting nearby. Ask them to trust you. You can also stop telling them where you are going. Just tell them you are going on a date.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends really embarrassed me at a joint lunch I was having. She brought up something I assumed I told her in confidence, only to find out she had told other people. I then had a talk with her, and I feel like it didn't help anything. She has too hard of a time saying "I'm sorry." She does not feel as though she did anything wrong, and she accused me of wanting to talk about the embarrassing moment again because I told her how she offended me! She told me I can tell one of her secrets if I so please, but I am just so bothered by the fact that she won't admit her wrongdoing. If I tell her what I want her to say, it will be moot because I know she won't mean it. Should I just blab about a faux pas of hers? I want to be even with her, and since she won't apologize, I feel like this is all I can do. -- Eye for an Eye, Dallas

DEAR EYE FOR AN EYE: Rather than trying to get even, you should try to learn a lesson here. If you do not want someone to repeat a confidence, keep it to yourself. This is much easier said than done. The truth is, though, that the only way you can be assured that your secrets are safe is to never speak them. Shy of that, you must choose more carefully whom to tell your innermost thoughts. Do not pick someone who is a talker. Chatty people chat and often reveal other people's private stories on accident.

Let go of your desire to get her to apologize. What's done is done. Just remember not to tell her any more secrets. And do not tell any of hers. That will not be satisfying for anyone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother passed away last year at the age of 74. I am in my 40s, and both of my children are independent and mostly out of the nest. After my mother's passing, I noticed my aunt, my mother's sister, become more integrated into the family. I didn't think much of it, but I now realize my aunt has essentially assumed my mother's position and brought a lot of the extended family together. Although I enjoy the newfound community we have formed, it bothers me that my aunt is trying to step in as a mother and grandmother figure to our family. I do not want her to ever replace my mother or think she has the power to do this. How can I thank her for bringing the family together after all of this time, but also ask her to stop trying to fill in the spots where my mother used to be? -- No Need for Replacements, Atlanta

DEAR NO NEED FOR REPLACEMENTS: You know in your heart what role your mother had in your life. Your aunt cannot fill that role, so there is no need for you to point that out. It will only prove hurtful to her. Instead, focus on the positive. Thank her for her love and support and for bringing the family together. Enjoy her for who she is.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)