DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister has battled cancer twice. She is healthy now, but both diagnoses were shocking to the family, and we are so grateful she is with us today. My mother wants to have every family member's blood tested to see if there are any other indications of disease that we do not yet know about. Everyone is for this except for my sister. She believes that everyone is going to die and constantly thinking about mortality doesn't allow you to live your life to the fullest. She is a grown woman who has been impossible to convince. My mother is now fighting with my sister because my mother thinks she has the right to know if my sister has a high probability of becoming sick again. People are choosing sides; although I think my sister should give us peace of mind and take the test, I don't think attacking her is the way to do it. How can I step in and smooth this whole thing over? -- Testy Family, Salt Lake City

DEAR TESTY FAMILY: It is understandable that your mother wants to figure out how to gain control over what must be the scariest challenge your family could imagine. And yet your sister is the one who has been battling the disease. She has every right not to want to undergo more tests. Your mother should give her some space. Chances are, your sister's doctors have checked her for most illnesses through the course of treating her.

You can talk to your mother and ask her to stop pressing your sister about this test. Whoever agrees to take the test can share the results with her. Recommend to your mother that she support your healing sister by giving her space.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in my mid-20s, and my parents divorced a few years ago. I wasn't incredibly crushed because I haven't lived at home for years, and I knew they didn't get along at all toward the end. I have come to love seeing my mother following this split. She is smiling, has beautifully decorated her apartment and appears as though life has been breathed into her. I feel guilty because I avoid seeing my father. I feel as though I can't relate to him after the divorce. Growing up, he was always the man on the couch watching football and drinking a beer. I tend to never do that in my own life. I don't feel stuck in the middle, but I do feel guilty that I am not as drawn to visit my father as I am drawn my mother. When my brother asks me why I haven't seen our father as much, I use the excuse that I am the child and the adult should reach out. Should I feel so guilty about not seeing my father often? I have never enjoyed sports and beer, and it's hard to get him to do much else in his off time. -- Favorite Parent, Winston-Salem, North Carolia

DEAR FAVORITE PARENT: Sometimes when couples break up, one thrives and the other does not. Your father may not be happy in his life right now. While his happiness is not your responsibility, your bond with him is at least partly your duty. Make the effort to check in with him more often. Invite him to go out with you on occasion. You may be able to cultivate a meaningful relationship over time.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two children who are teenagers. In the past, they've been extremely active, but as they entered middle and high school, they slowly dropped sports. I know children grow out of sports all of the time, but the lack of physical activity seems to be catching up to them. They have visibly gained weight, and they aren't as energetic as they once were. I have tried to bring up exercising together, but apparently being active is "lame"! I want to instill healthy values into my teenagers. How can I get them to get active so they don't become eternal couch potatoes? -- Fit Mother, Detroit

DEAR FIT MOTHER: Speak to their pediatrician. Explain your concerns, and ask the doctor to examine them and require physical activity if he agrees with your concern. Schedule a physical for each of them. The blood work will reveal if they have developed any real health issues at this point. If the doctor prescribes an exercise or nutrition plan, you have greater authority to enforce it.

Obviously you are their mother, but you well know that teenagers can be challenging to manage. Armed with doctor's orders, you can be insistent about their fitness. Other things you can do include stocking only healthy snacks in your home, continuing to invite them to participate in fun physical activities and talking to them about the importance of cultivating healthy habits. Try not to reprimand them for becoming less active. Instead, work hard to inspire them to want to be more active.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work at a high-end restaurant to make money while I attend college. My entire shift, I have to be polite and the best server I can possibly be. Although some guests can be difficult, I always try to be nice. I have noticed the busboys being incredibly rude to customers and even rolling their eyes at their requests! I try to step in, but it usually just adds more tension. I don't want to get fired because of these interactions; I just want everyone to behave. Could I reprimand the busboys I work with, or should I ask my manager to find new busboys? -- Restaurant Nightmares, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR RESTAURANT NIGHTMARES: I recommend a softer approach. At the end of a shift, start by saying something directly to the busboys. Ask them to work with you so that together you take care of the customers. Next, speak to your manager. Share your concerns about the attitude that the busboys have had. Tell him your concern about the customers getting upset because of their behavior. Ask your manager for help so that everybody is professional.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of a 7-year-old who loves pork. I haven't eaten pork or red meat since my mid-20s because I don't believe it's healthy; I was even a vegetarian for a few years. Needless to say, I've been trying to keep my kid away from pork and red meat, too. So, how might I have come to have a 7-year-old who loves it, you ask? The problem is that my ex-husband does not share the same ideals I do. Whenever he goes over to his house, he eats pork -- or "real bacon," as he calls it -- or eggs with ham. I don't want to seem like too much of a stickler, but I'm not happy about this. Is this something I should speak to my ex-husband about? -- Vexed Ex-Vegetarian, Syracuse, New York

DEAR VEXED EX-VEGETARIAN: It can't hurt to speak to your ex about your son's diet and your choices about what you allow him to eat. You can certainly ask him not to give pork to your son when he visits. I have done something with my daughter that you may want to consider: I allow her to eat foods that are not part of our regular menu of options on occasion, so that she knows what they are and how they taste and so that she doesn't develop an unhealthy attraction to anything. For me, this includes fast food and unhealthy snacks. Occasional bacon won't likely hurt your son's body. Forbidding it entirely could drive him to want it more and to lie about what he eats at his father's house.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Although I have wanted a tattoo for a long time, I always chicken out at the appointment date. I scheduled an appointment for next week and just had a nightmare about my artist giving me a different tattoo than what I asked for. Is this a sign that I shouldn't be getting any ink on my body? I trust my tattoo artist, but I feel like my body never carries through with going to the appointments for some reason. I don't think I'll ever stop wanting my tattoo, but I want to figure out some methods to force myself to follow through with an appointment. How can I get over my fears and finally get my tattoo done? -- Scared for Ink, Chevy Chase, Maryland

DEAR SCARED FOR INK: Maybe your tattoo is not supposed to happen at this time. That doesn't mean you will never get it, but there's no reason to rush when you are feeling insecure about going through with it. What you may want to do is figure out why you are so apprehensive. Did you grow up in a home that didn't approve of tattoos? Do you work in a field that might shun body ink? Are you worried about whether you will like your tattoo years from now? Are you worried about how sanitary the process will be? Figure out what is at the root of your concern. Only when you are comfortable should you go through with it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)