life

Reader Has Binge-Eating Issues

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 9th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel as though I am developing an unhealthy relationship with food. I have found myself binge-eating throughout the day, when I normally would not do this. I eat two meals a day, lunch around noon and dinner at 6, but I have never had a hunger issue. Now, I find myself searching for cookies or fruit snacks at random hours, and I just can't bring myself to stop. I don't want to go as far as to say I have a binge-eating problem because this is fairly recent, yet I would like to look into this somehow. Should I consult a therapist or my primary care doctor? I don't want to diagnose myself, but I have never felt these urges before, and I want to get myself under control. -- Bingeing, Detroit

DEAR BINGEING: What's key here is that you believe you are bingeing. That means you should check it out. Start by making an appointment with your internist, preferably a doctor who knows you well. Prepare for your appointment by paying attention to what's going on in your life. Are you under extra stress? What, if anything, is bothering you? Write anything that comes to mind in a journal so that you can keep track. Notice when you are eating. That you do not eat breakfast may be an issue, as many health professionals believe that breaking your fast in the morning is key to a healthy metabolism. Take your research about your eating habits to your doctor, and learn some next steps from there.

Health & Safety
life

Kids Won't Stop Stealing Reader's Utensils

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 9th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids seem to have a disease called sticky-fingeritis! They are all in their 20s, and they find it OK to take appliances from my home. They'll either "borrow" a slow cooker or beg me for a waffle maker or whisk until I give in. I am not sure what my children are up to, but I really don't like it. I have tried to become more assertive, but my kids will either ignore me or sulk until they get what they want. Not all of them have jobs, but I think they should attempt to make their own homes instead of robbing mine! I don't want to ban them from the house, but I need some suggestions on how to sort out this issue. What's mine is not theirs! -- No More Stealing, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NO MORE STEALING: Call for a sit-down meeting with your children. Remind them of how much you love them. Then talk to them about the role of a parent, namely that your job all these years has been to prepare them to be independent. Explain to them that at this stage in their lives, it is important for them to exercise their independence. That includes setting up their own homes with their own things. Tell them that it disturbs you that they come to your home and take your appliances. Make it clear that your belongings are off limits. They can remove items from your house only if you choose to give them something. To soften the blow, you may consider asking them what one item they might want. You can offer to gift them that item for Christmas or their birthday.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingEtiquette & Ethics
life

Reader Thwarted by Internet Presence

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 8th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I applied to a company I always wanted to work for, but I didn't receive a callback. I recently ran into a recruiter, who I loosely knew through a close friend, when I was visiting the co-working space where her company is based. When I asked her why I wasn't chosen, she said she liked me, but the company's other partner passed on me due to what she called "alarming content on social media." I am very meticulous about what I post, so I wasn't sure what she could've seen that put her off. I went home and Googled my name, and I was shocked. It turns out there is another woman with my name who has been posting some questionable content on the Internet. When employers look up my name, I don't want them to see this. What can I do? I shouldn't be getting punished for this person's choices. -- Socially Scrupulous, Cleveland

DEAR SOCIALLY SCRUPULOUS: If you and this woman literally have the same name, the best thing for you to do is to change your name slightly. Add a middle initial to your profile, or make your name three full names to differentiate yourself from this other person. You can also be proactive and let potential employers know that another person has a dubious profile. Provide direct links to your personal content on your resume and in any correspondence to make it easy for them.

In the case of this company, follow up in writing to explain that you and that other woman are two different people. Provide your links, for integrity's sake.

Work & School
life

Reader Needs to Break the News of Leaving Family's Faith

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 8th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I left my family's religion years ago, and I'm wondering if and how I should have this conversation with them. I grew up a devout Catholic. My parents had my brother and me in church at least three times a week until we went away to college. I stuck with my religion until five years ago. When I started doing some research, I kept coming up with more questions than answers. On top of that, the different issues the church has been facing over the years, along with my differing opinions on key subjects have influenced my decision to leave. I find myself pretending whenever I go home, and as a 35-year-old man, I feel I am too old to be pretending to be something I am not. Should I have an honest conversation with my parents about this? If so, how? Any insight is appreciated. -- Too Old for This, Boston

DEAR TOO OLD FOR THIS: Part of stepping into adulthood fully is taking responsibility for your choices and standing up for them. You can respectfully tell your parents that you no longer belong to the Catholic Church -- and why. Remember to be thoughtful, as this is still their path. Explain your decision without arguing, and then tell them what you are doing spiritually. Parents want to make sure that their children are safe. While they may not agree with your choices, if you can assure them that you are spiritually shored up and grounded in your life, you may be able to set their hearts at ease -- even if they are visibly upset about your decision.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & Parenting
life

Girlfriend Vents About Relationship on Instagram

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 6th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for two years now, and we've been living together for one. We are in a good place; both of us are working on careers, and we both have a great apartment. The only problem is that every time we have an argument, she has to post about it on Instagram. She does this regardless of who is wrong. Sometimes, she'll even do this if she has a problem with me without coming to me with the issue. I feel very uncomfortable with this, especially since there are several pictures of us together on the Internet. Recently, some of her followers have even come over to my Instagram page to leave nasty comments about me after reading one of her posts.

I think issues between the two of us should stay between us, and this is a complete violation of boundaries. I have brought this up to her and asked her to stop doing this several times, but she does not seem to think it is a big deal and says it's only the Internet. I want to talk to her and tell her this is just unacceptable behavior, but I don't know how. What should I do? -- Analog Values in a Digital World, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR ANALOG VALUES IN A DIGITAL WORLD: This is the equivalent of what used to be annoying and disruptive -- namely when one half of a couple blabs to friends and family about the other half every time something goes wrong. It is unhealthy.

You must decide whether you are ready to put your foot down. You can ask that she not mention your personal relationship on social media at all without your permission. If she refuses, make it a deal breaker for your relationship. Without establishing boundaries that you agree on now, you have little chance of surviving long-term as long as she invites a virtual peanut gallery into your private life.

Love & DatingEtiquette & Ethics
life

Reader Ready to Become Independent Again

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 6th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always made my own money and worked to support myself. After dating my boyfriend, somewhere down the line all of that stopped working. He pays for my every want and need now, and he has done so for the past two years. Lately, every purchase I make turns into an argument. I don't like how he has a problem with how I spend my money when he won't let me make money of my own. I want to be with him, but not if it involves him controlling my every move. My family has looked down on me because this isn't the woman they raised. I don't want to rely completely on him, and then be left with nothing if he leaves me. When I talk to him about getting a job and going back to being independent, he says that I don't trust him. He believes that he's supposed to be the breadwinner and I'm supposed to stay at home and wait on him. I don't remember turning in my independence to become his maid. It's frustrating that I can't make my own money. How do I get him to see that me being independent doesn't mean I don't trust him? Why do men even think this way? -- Regaining My Independence, Towson, Maryland

DEAR REGAINING MY INDEPENDENCE: Time's up. This man does not share your values. Stop trying to convince him of what you want, and leave before he becomes too overbearing.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Love & DatingMoney

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for May 21, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 20, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 19, 2022
  • Father Not Certain How to Reconnect with Daughter from First Marriage
  • Recession Worries Makes LW Fearful of Starting a Family
  • LW Worried Sister's Sharp, Stubborn Personality Will Ruin a Good Thing
  • Aiding Animal Refugees
  • Contented Cats
  • Pale Gums: What They Mean
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal