DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for two years now, and we've been living together for one. We are in a good place; both of us are working on careers, and we both have a great apartment. The only problem is that every time we have an argument, she has to post about it on Instagram. She does this regardless of who is wrong. Sometimes, she'll even do this if she has a problem with me without coming to me with the issue. I feel very uncomfortable with this, especially since there are several pictures of us together on the Internet. Recently, some of her followers have even come over to my Instagram page to leave nasty comments about me after reading one of her posts.

I think issues between the two of us should stay between us, and this is a complete violation of boundaries. I have brought this up to her and asked her to stop doing this several times, but she does not seem to think it is a big deal and says it's only the Internet. I want to talk to her and tell her this is just unacceptable behavior, but I don't know how. What should I do? -- Analog Values in a Digital World, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR ANALOG VALUES IN A DIGITAL WORLD: This is the equivalent of what used to be annoying and disruptive -- namely when one half of a couple blabs to friends and family about the other half every time something goes wrong. It is unhealthy.

You must decide whether you are ready to put your foot down. You can ask that she not mention your personal relationship on social media at all without your permission. If she refuses, make it a deal breaker for your relationship. Without establishing boundaries that you agree on now, you have little chance of surviving long-term as long as she invites a virtual peanut gallery into your private life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always made my own money and worked to support myself. After dating my boyfriend, somewhere down the line all of that stopped working. He pays for my every want and need now, and he has done so for the past two years. Lately, every purchase I make turns into an argument. I don't like how he has a problem with how I spend my money when he won't let me make money of my own. I want to be with him, but not if it involves him controlling my every move. My family has looked down on me because this isn't the woman they raised. I don't want to rely completely on him, and then be left with nothing if he leaves me. When I talk to him about getting a job and going back to being independent, he says that I don't trust him. He believes that he's supposed to be the breadwinner and I'm supposed to stay at home and wait on him. I don't remember turning in my independence to become his maid. It's frustrating that I can't make my own money. How do I get him to see that me being independent doesn't mean I don't trust him? Why do men even think this way? -- Regaining My Independence, Towson, Maryland

DEAR REGAINING MY INDEPENDENCE: Time's up. This man does not share your values. Stop trying to convince him of what you want, and leave before he becomes too overbearing.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: After years of studying, my daughter got into Yale University. Her mother and I are so proud of her, and we are ecstatic that she has been accepted into a school of this caliber. As my daughter was crying out of happiness of her acceptance, I was wondering how we'd be able to afford this. I don't think my daughter has considered the financial stress an Ivy League school will put on our family. She automatically assumed she is going because she got in. I am a college professor at a state university, and my wife is a historian. We know what our daughter's dream is, and it's really up to us to figure out a way to pay for this or tell her she has to go to a less expensive school. My daughter attending Yale would put my family in debt, but I want her to experience her dream school. Neither my wife nor I attended university in the United States. Should we buckle down and let my daughter go to Yale and leave us with the tuition fees? -- Conflicted Father, Miami

DEAR CONFLICTED FATHER: The biggest mistake you and your wife have made is not managing your daughter's expectations from the start. Nobody thought it through or did the math in advance. Of course your daughter believes she is going to Yale; you never told her she couldn't. It is time to be completely honest with her as you work together to find out if there is any financial aid or scholarship money available to help defray the high cost of this great school. They do have a healthy endowment, so you may be able to secure the financial support you need. Do the research together so that your daughter knows you want her to live out her dream if you can figure out how to pay for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at dinner in a nice restaurant when the couple sitting at the table next to us began to snap multiple pictures of themselves and their food for every course. They were tourists and did not speak much English. I would not have a problem with a few photos to commemorate a dinner, but each appetizer, entree and drink came with a photo shoot -- utilizing flash in the generally dimly lit area. It was so distracting; luckily, my date and I turned it into a humorous situation, pretending we were being hounded by paparazzi. Afterward, we discussed if the restaurant should have said something to the couple. I am not one for too much confrontation, so I said it would be our responsibility to ask the couple to stop being so distracting. My date thought a manager or waiter should have asked them to stop after the 30th photograph without being prompted by customers. Do restaurants or patrons have the responsibility to put a stop to poor restaurant etiquette like this? -- Dine and Flash, Boston

DEAR DINE AND FLASH: It is the responsibility of the restaurant to ensure that all of its guests are comfortable. In the age of social media and instant posting, this can be a huge challenge. You should have alerted the maitre d' or waiter and asked them to ask the couple to turn off the flash or stop because the ongoing flashing was disturbing other guests.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always feel like I am the less liked sister. My sister is a few years older than me, and she is definitely more personable than me. I feel like I have strengths, too, but they tend to get overshadowed when I get tired of speaking. I want people to see me as someone who is as smart, likable and interesting, but I don't know how to carry myself as well as my sister. I also don't want to ask my sister how to be like her at the risk she makes fun of me. How can I become better in social situations so I become as well-liked as my sister? -- Becoming More Likeable, Detroit

DEAR BECOMING MORE LIKEABLE: Accept that you and your sister are two different people, and that there is nothing wrong with you because of that. It is OK not to be as gregarious as your sister. People who pay attention to you will notice your great qualities. You may want to begin spending more time cultivating your own friendships so that you aren't so reliant upon your sister's friend group or even family members for affirmation. Your goal must be to develop your own skills and relationships. By so doing, you will gain confidence. One day, by the way, you may find it easy to ask your sister for advice. You may find that she could use advice from you, too!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I heard that a friend of a friend was belittling my career at a party. Honestly, it didn't bother me much because I know she's been unemployed for a few months now, and I chalked this whole thing up to jealousy. Then I heard that this "friend" did the same thing again from another source at a different party! I don't need someone trying to slander my company or me, but I also don't want to give in to gossip. We are not close, and I am not sure if I should reach out to this woman and tell her to quit. Should I try to defuse this or ignore her? I don't think her words are majorly impacting my business, but I want to be able to defend myself. -- Working Hard, Dallas

DEAR WORKING HARD: Pay close attention to the sources of the information that has gotten back to you. Do you know those people? Might they have any reason to stoke the flames of discontent? If you think they are genuinely just sharing with you what this person said, take it seriously. Call her and invite her to coffee. Check in to see how she's doing and how the job search is going. Translation: Have compassion for her. Then let her know that you are a bit concerned because a number of people have shared some disturbing comments with you that are attributed to her. Ask her directly if she is upset with you or your company. Ask her if she made the comments and why. She may not answer, but chances are that she will either stop or slow down the loose lips after you confront her.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)