DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for two years now, and we've been living together for one. We are in a good place; both of us are working on careers, and we both have a great apartment. The only problem is that every time we have an argument, she has to post about it on Instagram. She does this regardless of who is wrong. Sometimes, she'll even do this if she has a problem with me without coming to me with the issue. I feel very uncomfortable with this, especially since there are several pictures of us together on the Internet. Recently, some of her followers have even come over to my Instagram page to leave nasty comments about me after reading one of her posts.
I think issues between the two of us should stay between us, and this is a complete violation of boundaries. I have brought this up to her and asked her to stop doing this several times, but she does not seem to think it is a big deal and says it's only the Internet. I want to talk to her and tell her this is just unacceptable behavior, but I don't know how. What should I do? -- Analog Values in a Digital World, Memphis, Tennessee
DEAR ANALOG VALUES IN A DIGITAL WORLD: This is the equivalent of what used to be annoying and disruptive -- namely when one half of a couple blabs to friends and family about the other half every time something goes wrong. It is unhealthy.
You must decide whether you are ready to put your foot down. You can ask that she not mention your personal relationship on social media at all without your permission. If she refuses, make it a deal breaker for your relationship. Without establishing boundaries that you agree on now, you have little chance of surviving long-term as long as she invites a virtual peanut gallery into your private life.