DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. Our relationship has lasted through all sorts of obstacles. I really do believe I found the best companion in my husband. Lately, though ... I just feel so bored. I'm bored with our relationship. I've been with him for so long that everything is just so predictable. The way he'll respond, act, cook, clean, even have sex. I can tell you what he's doing every minute of the day. Everything's so repetitive, and I don't know how to express this to him. Especially when he seems OK with the fact that there's no real spark anymore.
There's a new guy at my job. We haven't done anything, but he hits on me from time to time. He makes each pass different from before, and he's always staring at me. He's such a mystery, and as sad as it may be, I'm intrigued. I know I don't have it in me to cheat on my husband, which is why I'm asking for some serious advice. What do I do? Do I leave him? Everything's been the same for so long, how do I get my husband to break the cycle? What do I do if he doesn't want to change? I would really hate to have to leave him, especially with us being such good friends. But something's got to give. I feel like I'm just here because I owe him loyalty. -- Ready for Something New, San Francisco
DEAR READY FOR SOMETHING NEW: Marriages go through many twists and turns, as you already know. Naturally, a sameness can occur in a long-term relationship. One way that you may want to add some spark to your marriage -- rather than look elsewhere or leave him -- is to bring the excitement of what's happening externally to your home. On days when this man gets you hot and bothered, go home and seduce your husband. Try to mix up your routines by inviting him to do other activities that aren't in your norm. If he balks, tell him you are ready for some excitement, and ask him to join you on the adventure.