DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my partner for seven years. We were young when we met, and my boyfriend did not want kids or marriage at the time. I always held out hope that he would change. As the years went by, I stuck to my desire for children and marriage, until recently when something changed within, and all I wanted was to stay with the love of my life. I no longer care about having children with him and just want to live the rest of my life with him. When I told my longtime boyfriend about my epiphany, he said he needs some space to think about what I said. What? I told him what he's wanted to hear all of these years, and now he needs space? What can I say to him? I feel like I've done everything he's asked for now that I am not pushing for children and marriage. -- Not Enough, Scarsdale, New York

DEAR NOT ENOUGH: It sounds like your boyfriend may be prepared to make good on the promise he made to you from the start: namely, that he really isn't into commitment. I was taught years ago to believe people when they tell you things about themselves. It's unfortunate that you were willing to build a life with him despite his lack of interest in a committed relationship or desire to build a family. Because he has been with you for all of these years, it is understandable that you would believe that he intended to stay with you, albeit still following his rules. Your willingness now to acquiesce to his rules as long as you stay together has shaken him. It means that he has to evaluate how real your relationship is for him, and what he wants to do about it.

The good news is that you are soon to find out whether he wants to stick around. If he does come back to you, this time make sure that you create terms that satisfy both his needs and your own.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. I love him so much. I'm actually surprised we lasted this long, considering that I didn't have an example of a successful relationship or marriage. Which brings me to my current problem: I love my boyfriend, and I know for a fact that he's the one for me. However, I don't know if I'm the one for him. My parents' marriage failed terribly. How can I be someone's wife if I've never seen what that is? We've been through so much in life. Together we pulled each other through it. I don't want to lose six years of loyalty, love and commitment because we couldn't have a successful marriage. I know that eventually he will ask me to marry him, but I'm not sure if I can be that wife. I want to be in his life forever; I want us to be able to make it as far as marriage. I'm just so fearful I won't be the wife he hoped for. So far I've just been winging it when it comes to our relationship, and he seems happy. But can you "wing" a marriage? -- Ready but Afraid, Montgomery, Alabama

DEAR READY BUT AFRAID: Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about your fears. Express your love for him and your desire to learn how to be a successful partner. The reality is that what you two need to do is to figure out how to care for each other. You can set your own roadmap and support each other along the way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister suffers from some addiction issues and lives in the same county as me. There will occasionally be a headline in local newspapers about her and something that happened at a gas station, public park or school. This is incredibly embarrassing, but what is worse is being asked about her antics. Believe me, I have tried almost everything to have her get help or stay sober. She does not have much contact with my family, but whenever we see her, we pretend we haven't seen the headlines or heard the gossip. I need to find a way to draw the line about people asking me about my sister. I feel like all anyone wants is gossip. They don't care about how I am doing. What can I do to make people stop talking about my sister to me? They don't know what I go through, and I don't want to hear it. -- Family Shame, Denver

DEAR FAMILY SHAME: You can stop answering their questions. You can ask them to pray for your family and then change the subject. If they persist, ask them to respect your privacy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandpa has diabetes from his eating habits. He is supposed to be on a strict, regimented diet and my aunt hovers over him to make sure he sticks to it. Over the holiday season, I would see him head off, and if I followed him a little bit, I would see him practically inhale a whole slice of cake. I do not want to have to "tell" on my grandfather, but his behavior is seriously detrimental to his health. He is at the point of amputations because of his diet, and he doesn't seem to understand. I am sure this is not a once-yearly occurrence and that he frequently goes off eat sugary, unhealthy foods behind my aunt's back. Should I tell her what he is doing? -- He Is an Adult, Baltimore

DEAR HE IS AN ADULT: You can tell her if you feel compelled, but I'm sure your aunt already knows about your grandpa's behavior. One of the biggest challenges for many diabetics is controlling their sugar intake, even after they know that continuing those eating habits will likely cause amputations, blindness and death. What your aunt needs to do is figure out how to take care of herself through this difficult period. It would be wise for her to speak to your grandpa's doctors to learn of their expectations for his health. She should also find out if his insurance will cover a nursing home or elder care facility in case she can no longer care for him. Armed with all of the information that she can gather, she should talk to her father about the options for the future. While she is willing and able to care for him now, she can let him know where she might have to draw the line if she finds herself unable to be his caregiver. Knowing that your aunt is considering what to do when his condition worsens may wake him up.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am getting my breast implants removed for health reasons. I fell on the stairs, and an implant ruptured and spread silicone in parts of my chest. I know I must get my implants removed because the silicone could make me sick. What bothers me the most about this whole procedure is how my husband is acting. He is pretending to mourn the loss of my breasts. Although he claims he is joking, I know he is serious underneath it all. I have had these implants for the entirety of our time together, but this is my health we're talking about. I have told him my breast size does not make me any less of a woman. I am frustrated with him and want to concisely and honestly convey my feelings. Every time I try to think of something, it feels as though I would end up yelling at him. What can I say to start this conversation? He needs to get over the implants; there is more to me. -- No More Fake, San Jose, California

DEAR NO MORE FAKE: To be fair, if your husband has only known your breasts one way, it is understandable that he would "mourn" the upcoming change. You set the bar by getting the implants. So give him time to adjust to the new reality. You may want to point out to him that it could be much worse. Many women literally lose their breasts due to breast cancer. Hopefully, you will not have to face that -- or any other life-threatening illness. Ask him to support you during this scary part of your journey.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going through a less-than-amicable divorce from my wife. Our children are young (4 and 6 years old). When I FaceTime with them, sometimes the kids will ask me if I want to "talk to mommy." I've been lying and saying I spoke to her earlier on the phone, which seems to make my kids happy. I've been feeling conflicted about lying to my children like this, but they really do not understand what is going on between their mother and me. Is it wrong to lie to a young child like this? I cannot imagine any conversation between my soon-to-be ex and me going smoothly right now. -- Avoiding FaceTime Confrontation, Detroit

DEAR AVOIDING FACETIME CONFRONTATION: You and your wife actually do need to figure out how to communicate with each other in a respectful way -- for the children. You will never be completely separated from each other, because you have children together. Reach out to her and ask to have a conversation about the children. Do your best to talk with each other about the welfare of the children and how you can work together to care for them. This may be difficult at first, but it is essential for their mental well-being.

You can even talk about how to talk to your children about the separation. Though they are young, they are very sensitive. Agree together on your strategy and then implement it. No matter how hard it is to work together, do it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)