DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister suffers from some addiction issues and lives in the same county as me. There will occasionally be a headline in local newspapers about her and something that happened at a gas station, public park or school. This is incredibly embarrassing, but what is worse is being asked about her antics. Believe me, I have tried almost everything to have her get help or stay sober. She does not have much contact with my family, but whenever we see her, we pretend we haven't seen the headlines or heard the gossip. I need to find a way to draw the line about people asking me about my sister. I feel like all anyone wants is gossip. They don't care about how I am doing. What can I do to make people stop talking about my sister to me? They don't know what I go through, and I don't want to hear it. -- Family Shame, Denver

DEAR FAMILY SHAME: You can stop answering their questions. You can ask them to pray for your family and then change the subject. If they persist, ask them to respect your privacy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandpa has diabetes from his eating habits. He is supposed to be on a strict, regimented diet and my aunt hovers over him to make sure he sticks to it. Over the holiday season, I would see him head off, and if I followed him a little bit, I would see him practically inhale a whole slice of cake. I do not want to have to "tell" on my grandfather, but his behavior is seriously detrimental to his health. He is at the point of amputations because of his diet, and he doesn't seem to understand. I am sure this is not a once-yearly occurrence and that he frequently goes off eat sugary, unhealthy foods behind my aunt's back. Should I tell her what he is doing? -- He Is an Adult, Baltimore

DEAR HE IS AN ADULT: You can tell her if you feel compelled, but I'm sure your aunt already knows about your grandpa's behavior. One of the biggest challenges for many diabetics is controlling their sugar intake, even after they know that continuing those eating habits will likely cause amputations, blindness and death. What your aunt needs to do is figure out how to take care of herself through this difficult period. It would be wise for her to speak to your grandpa's doctors to learn of their expectations for his health. She should also find out if his insurance will cover a nursing home or elder care facility in case she can no longer care for him. Armed with all of the information that she can gather, she should talk to her father about the options for the future. While she is willing and able to care for him now, she can let him know where she might have to draw the line if she finds herself unable to be his caregiver. Knowing that your aunt is considering what to do when his condition worsens may wake him up.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am getting my breast implants removed for health reasons. I fell on the stairs, and an implant ruptured and spread silicone in parts of my chest. I know I must get my implants removed because the silicone could make me sick. What bothers me the most about this whole procedure is how my husband is acting. He is pretending to mourn the loss of my breasts. Although he claims he is joking, I know he is serious underneath it all. I have had these implants for the entirety of our time together, but this is my health we're talking about. I have told him my breast size does not make me any less of a woman. I am frustrated with him and want to concisely and honestly convey my feelings. Every time I try to think of something, it feels as though I would end up yelling at him. What can I say to start this conversation? He needs to get over the implants; there is more to me. -- No More Fake, San Jose, California

DEAR NO MORE FAKE: To be fair, if your husband has only known your breasts one way, it is understandable that he would "mourn" the upcoming change. You set the bar by getting the implants. So give him time to adjust to the new reality. You may want to point out to him that it could be much worse. Many women literally lose their breasts due to breast cancer. Hopefully, you will not have to face that -- or any other life-threatening illness. Ask him to support you during this scary part of your journey.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going through a less-than-amicable divorce from my wife. Our children are young (4 and 6 years old). When I FaceTime with them, sometimes the kids will ask me if I want to "talk to mommy." I've been lying and saying I spoke to her earlier on the phone, which seems to make my kids happy. I've been feeling conflicted about lying to my children like this, but they really do not understand what is going on between their mother and me. Is it wrong to lie to a young child like this? I cannot imagine any conversation between my soon-to-be ex and me going smoothly right now. -- Avoiding FaceTime Confrontation, Detroit

DEAR AVOIDING FACETIME CONFRONTATION: You and your wife actually do need to figure out how to communicate with each other in a respectful way -- for the children. You will never be completely separated from each other, because you have children together. Reach out to her and ask to have a conversation about the children. Do your best to talk with each other about the welfare of the children and how you can work together to care for them. This may be difficult at first, but it is essential for their mental well-being.

You can even talk about how to talk to your children about the separation. Though they are young, they are very sensitive. Agree together on your strategy and then implement it. No matter how hard it is to work together, do it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the first of my longtime friends to be a mother, and I am having difficulty making new friends who understand motherhood while keeping up with the old ones. I've kept the same friends for over a decade, and we've always reminisced on college (or even high school) together; we love partying and being silly. In the past few years, I really feel as though I've grown up. My professional life has gotten to where I want it to be, I got married and I gave birth just a few months ago. Some of my friends are engaged, but for the most part, they claim they are enjoying their youth. I realize that my friends have no idea what I am going through, working and being a first-time parent AND making sure my husband and I carve out some time for ourselves. I am trying to make some new friends who are mothers, but I feel like I'm betraying my old friends. I still want to see my old friends and have a good time, but I am torn because I have no way to talk about my life with people who understand. What should I do? -- Stuck in the Middle, Seattle

DEAR STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: Transitioning into this new station in life is naturally challenging. And you are doing the right thing by looking to connect with young married mothers who will have some sense of your daily life. This is important for your well-being. What's also wise is for you to understand who to talk to about what. Your friends from high school and college are not yet capable of talking to you about motherhood. Don't try to force that conversation with them, but you don't have to dump them, either. You will likely spend less time with them as you nurture your family. Do yourself a favor and stop feeling guilty. Do what you must to thrive, which includes expanding your friend pool.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't trust my daughter's ex-husband with my grandchildren. She has more parental rights than he does, but I find myself so nervous whenever my grandbabies spend the weekend with him. He has a history of substance abuse, but my daughter claims she knows her children are safe. Harriette, I've tried prying, but my daughter seems so certain and tells me to stop trying to make her nervous. He is supposedly sober and has been for months, but I just don't like them spending time with him unsupervised. Do you think I can invite myself over to his house and see how he's treating my grandchildren? I would never forgive myself if something happened to them under his watch. -- He's Not a Good Father, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR HE'S NOT A GOOD FATHER: Trust your instincts. If you want to stop by unannounced on one of his weekends, go for it. You should bring food for everyone or a game everyone can play -- something that shows your support. Even as you are suspicious, it is best to be supportive of him because he is their father. As long as he has the chance of interacting with them, you want him to welcome you into his life so that you can watch out for them. If you see evidence of abuse when you visit, be sure to tell your daughter and the police.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)