DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle, who always used to be the life of the party and a fairly slim man, has turned into a total recluse and supposedly ballooned in weight after my aunt filed for divorce. I wouldn't know what he looks like because he doesn't want relatives coming over and seeing him. I miss him and worry this weight gain will have more damaging effects than he anticipated, like on his health and self-esteem. I thought about sending him a care package and a card so that he will still know we are thinking about him. My mother told me that sending a package is cold when we can just drive over and see him. I don't want to start a family feud, but I want to make sure my uncle is OK without overstepping his boundaries. Should I go behind my mother's back and send her brother a card? -- Missing Uncle, Roxbury, Mississippi

DEAR MISSING UNCLE: You should follow your heart. If you would like to send your uncle a card saying that you are thinking about him, go for it. Invite him to go out with you. Ask if he needs anything. As far as your mother is concerned, if she wants to go visit him, she can try that. If enough people reach out to your uncle during this stressful period, hopefully somebody will get through.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sisters and I have been thinking of going into business together. We have always talked about how fun it would be to have a family business, and now all of us have reached times in our lives where we are able to make this happen. I hate to be the secret Debbie Downer in all of this excitement, but I am not sure if this business venture will work out. The financial risk isn't horrible, and I don't want to be the only one out of four sisters to bow out of this family business. Also, if it turned out to be a success, I would never hear the end of it! I haven't shared my feelings with my family yet, but I have a 70 percent feeling that this venture isn't going to work. Should I just give some money to maintain family unity? I don't want to ostracize myself from my sisters. -- Sister Biz, Cincinnati

DEAR SISTER BIZ: Think of yourself as being practical. Rather than presenting as Debbie Downer, ask your sisters to have a meeting to discuss the business idea. During this meeting, express your doubts about the viability of the business. Be sure that you have more than your gut instinct to point to your concerns. Do your research so that you can present your concerns as objectively as possible. Ultimately, if your sisters decide to go ahead with the business, you will have to decide what you will do. If you are willing to lose a small amount of money as you show your support, contribute. If you are completely against the whole idea, don't.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. He's the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, and I'm very much in love. This year is our senior year, so we're excited about going out into the world and pursuing what we really love to do. I'm great with math, so my dream is to become an accountant. My boyfriend aspires to be a brain surgeon. I want to go to the best school for my career choice, which happens to be far away from my boyfriend's school. He's upset with me because there is an accounting major at his school, but it's not the best education I can get in my field. I don't want to force us into a long-distance relationship, but I do want the best education I can get. How do I get my boyfriend to understand that I want the best for myself? Does love mean that I choose him over my career? -- Stuck Between Work and Love, Miami

DEAR STUCK BETWEEN WORK AND LOVE: Sit down and map out a strategic plan for your lives together. Include your personal preferences and your desires as a couple. Review the pros and cons of everything. Yes, your boyfriend has his school of choice, which, by the way, is a long-term commitment. He will have to study for many years to become a doctor and then to become a brain surgeon. It is not unreasonable for you to be separated for a short period of time. You can go to graduate school and come back to wherever he will be -- and he will still be in school for years. Together, you can plan out regular visits and other ways to stay connected. If the two of you choose to share your lives for the long haul, you will have many challenging decisions to make. This may be your first.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband of 11 years passed away four years ago. I loved him dearly, and I never thought I could love again. I've been a single mom since, and I recently started seeing a co-worker. A few dates turned into a serious relationship. I can see myself with him for a long time. My 15-year-old daughter doesn't agree. My current boyfriend and she don't get along, mainly because my daughter refuses to be cordial with him. She sees our relationship as disrespectful to her dad, even though he's deceased. She feels as though if her dad was my soul mate, I shouldn't be with anyone else. Many times, publicly and privately, she's expressed these feelings about my boyfriend to me and others. Although he makes me happy, I've decided to take a break from my boyfriend in order to stop my daughter from acting out. How do I get my daughter to see that my boyfriend doesn't want to replace her dad? How do I help my daughter adjust? I love both of them dearly; I don't want to have to choose. -- Daughter Issues, West Hartford, Connecticut

DEAR DAUGHTER ISSUES: Rather than pausing your relationship, get some counseling. Your daughter is at a vulnerable time in her development. You can both benefit from professional counseling to deal with your grief and to learn healthy steps to move on with your lives. Include your boyfriend in counseling after the two of you get to solid ground.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is fairly tight on money, and we argue about it a lot. I am away at school and get $125 a month for food because the budget is very tight. Sometimes I'll have my friends over, and my family will start fighting about money. I see how uncomfortable it makes my friends, but my mom and dad seem to have no regard as they scream at each other. I want to ask them to stop, but I know they'll snap at me and say I don't understand how bad our financial strain is. I have an unpaid internship because I am trying to better my resume before I graduate from school and begin the job search. I don't want more money from my parents; I just want them to stop broadcasting the family's financial problems to my friends. How can I get them to stop yelling about how poor we are? -- Short Budget, Port Chester, New York

DEAR SHORT BUDGET: Until your parents have a shift in their awareness around money, there is little chance that their financial situation is going to improve. One way to support a change in thinking is for you to learn about the Law of Attraction and share what you learn with them. Essentially, the law says that whatever you put out is what you get back. If you are constantly crying broke, you are inviting yourself to stay broke. If you speak about building wealth, you open up your mind and heart to new possibilities to attract wealth to you. There are many books that explore this philosophy. Pick one. Read it and share with your parents. As you practice this mindset, you will develop a better ability to share your transformation with them.

During this challenging period, don't have your friends over. Enjoy their company elsewhere.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 6-year-old daughter recently went to a birthday party, and she returned home sporting a pink manicure done by one of her friends. I was indifferent to this, seeing as I grew up in a family of mostly women and recall painting my younger relatives' nails from the age of 7 on. After our little Sofia showed off her nails to my husband, he freaked out! My husband is against our daughter painting her nails until she's 16. We had never spoken about nail polish in regards to raising our child, but I feel like this is totally ridiculous. He likens nail polish to ear piercings and maturity, while I think it's fun to experiment with colors. Nail polish isn't harmful, and it even helped me stop biting my nails. How can I compromise with him? He made my daughter take off the nail polish and is completely rejecting any of my suggestions to be reasonable. -- Nail Polish is OK, Melbourne, Florida

DEAR NAIL POLISH IS OK: Looks like you and your husband have some talking to do -- namely about your values regarding your daughter growing up. You must figure out where you stand on a host of topics -- from piercings and nail polish to dating and curfews. It's not too early to start having those discussions. You will quickly learn that you won't agree on every topic. That's natural. You will need to learn how to reach an agreement respectfully so that your child doesn't get confused.

Regarding the nail polish, tell your husband stories of your growing up and bonding around manicures. Point out that there is child-friendly, nontoxic polish available, which is wise to use on young hands. The jury is out as to whether nail polish is completely harmless, by the way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)