DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. He's the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, and I'm very much in love. This year is our senior year, so we're excited about going out into the world and pursuing what we really love to do. I'm great with math, so my dream is to become an accountant. My boyfriend aspires to be a brain surgeon. I want to go to the best school for my career choice, which happens to be far away from my boyfriend's school. He's upset with me because there is an accounting major at his school, but it's not the best education I can get in my field. I don't want to force us into a long-distance relationship, but I do want the best education I can get. How do I get my boyfriend to understand that I want the best for myself? Does love mean that I choose him over my career? -- Stuck Between Work and Love, Miami

DEAR STUCK BETWEEN WORK AND LOVE: Sit down and map out a strategic plan for your lives together. Include your personal preferences and your desires as a couple. Review the pros and cons of everything. Yes, your boyfriend has his school of choice, which, by the way, is a long-term commitment. He will have to study for many years to become a doctor and then to become a brain surgeon. It is not unreasonable for you to be separated for a short period of time. You can go to graduate school and come back to wherever he will be -- and he will still be in school for years. Together, you can plan out regular visits and other ways to stay connected. If the two of you choose to share your lives for the long haul, you will have many challenging decisions to make. This may be your first.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband of 11 years passed away four years ago. I loved him dearly, and I never thought I could love again. I've been a single mom since, and I recently started seeing a co-worker. A few dates turned into a serious relationship. I can see myself with him for a long time. My 15-year-old daughter doesn't agree. My current boyfriend and she don't get along, mainly because my daughter refuses to be cordial with him. She sees our relationship as disrespectful to her dad, even though he's deceased. She feels as though if her dad was my soul mate, I shouldn't be with anyone else. Many times, publicly and privately, she's expressed these feelings about my boyfriend to me and others. Although he makes me happy, I've decided to take a break from my boyfriend in order to stop my daughter from acting out. How do I get my daughter to see that my boyfriend doesn't want to replace her dad? How do I help my daughter adjust? I love both of them dearly; I don't want to have to choose. -- Daughter Issues, West Hartford, Connecticut

DEAR DAUGHTER ISSUES: Rather than pausing your relationship, get some counseling. Your daughter is at a vulnerable time in her development. You can both benefit from professional counseling to deal with your grief and to learn healthy steps to move on with your lives. Include your boyfriend in counseling after the two of you get to solid ground.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is fairly tight on money, and we argue about it a lot. I am away at school and get $125 a month for food because the budget is very tight. Sometimes I'll have my friends over, and my family will start fighting about money. I see how uncomfortable it makes my friends, but my mom and dad seem to have no regard as they scream at each other. I want to ask them to stop, but I know they'll snap at me and say I don't understand how bad our financial strain is. I have an unpaid internship because I am trying to better my resume before I graduate from school and begin the job search. I don't want more money from my parents; I just want them to stop broadcasting the family's financial problems to my friends. How can I get them to stop yelling about how poor we are? -- Short Budget, Port Chester, New York

DEAR SHORT BUDGET: Until your parents have a shift in their awareness around money, there is little chance that their financial situation is going to improve. One way to support a change in thinking is for you to learn about the Law of Attraction and share what you learn with them. Essentially, the law says that whatever you put out is what you get back. If you are constantly crying broke, you are inviting yourself to stay broke. If you speak about building wealth, you open up your mind and heart to new possibilities to attract wealth to you. There are many books that explore this philosophy. Pick one. Read it and share with your parents. As you practice this mindset, you will develop a better ability to share your transformation with them.

During this challenging period, don't have your friends over. Enjoy their company elsewhere.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 6-year-old daughter recently went to a birthday party, and she returned home sporting a pink manicure done by one of her friends. I was indifferent to this, seeing as I grew up in a family of mostly women and recall painting my younger relatives' nails from the age of 7 on. After our little Sofia showed off her nails to my husband, he freaked out! My husband is against our daughter painting her nails until she's 16. We had never spoken about nail polish in regards to raising our child, but I feel like this is totally ridiculous. He likens nail polish to ear piercings and maturity, while I think it's fun to experiment with colors. Nail polish isn't harmful, and it even helped me stop biting my nails. How can I compromise with him? He made my daughter take off the nail polish and is completely rejecting any of my suggestions to be reasonable. -- Nail Polish is OK, Melbourne, Florida

DEAR NAIL POLISH IS OK: Looks like you and your husband have some talking to do -- namely about your values regarding your daughter growing up. You must figure out where you stand on a host of topics -- from piercings and nail polish to dating and curfews. It's not too early to start having those discussions. You will quickly learn that you won't agree on every topic. That's natural. You will need to learn how to reach an agreement respectfully so that your child doesn't get confused.

Regarding the nail polish, tell your husband stories of your growing up and bonding around manicures. Point out that there is child-friendly, nontoxic polish available, which is wise to use on young hands. The jury is out as to whether nail polish is completely harmless, by the way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father has horrible time management. This has affected birthdays, trips and family reunions. My family is always a little harsh on each other and tells it how it is, so his lateness is brought up when he forces everyone to wait around for hours. He then gets irrationally angry. We try to make a joke out of this because he never apologizes for missing flights or dinners. He is inconsiderate, and when we try to get together, I think we have the right to berate him a little. My father's fits after we mention his tardiness usually start fights. I doubt he'll change his ways, but I just want him to apologize for being inconsiderate to everyone who actually showed up on time. Is there anything we can say to get him to be punctual? -- Late Dad, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR LATE DAD: Now is a time when you must practice acceptance. You know how your father is. He is consistent. While his behavior is rude, it is also a fact. You and your family may want to consider planning your activities differently. Since your father is unreliable, plan with the expectation that he will be late, but that you will no longer wait. So if you are having a group dinner at a home or a restaurant, begin at the time that it is scheduled. If he arrives hours late, he will have to fit into the flow of the event. You can tell him that dinner will be at 7. If he arrives at 9, he is welcome to join you for dessert. If he misses a flight, tell him he will have to join the group later because you will fulfill your scheduled activities with or without him.

The point is, you don't need to berate him. You need to live your lives. Instead of putting your lives on hold waiting for his arrival, flip the script.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went out of my way to send my friends birthday presents this year. We have just gone off to college, so I wanted to make everyone feel remembered by me. When it rolled around to my birthday, I received nothing but a handful of "Happy Birthday!" texts. I was so annoyed, I didn't respond to a few. I spent about $20 on each gift through purchasing, packing and shipping. I know other friends forgot about my birthday altogether, because they apologized to me a few days later. I sent out over a dozen packages and did not even receive a card from these people. Should I forgive them or realize they don't care about me? -- Brushed-Off Birthday, Baltimore

DEAR BRUSHED-OFF BIRTHDAY: Ever heard the saying, "You shouldn't give to receive?" Your effort to remember your friends fondly was lovely. It would have stayed lovely had you not attached invisible strings. That you went the extra mile to send them gifts does not mean that they thought about doing the same. You acknowledge that it was a big effort on your part. Not making a big deal of your birthday does not mean that they love you less. It means they didn't think to do that. Forgive them for not being you, and accept their love in the ways that they offered it. In the future, if you want to create closer connections as you grow up and live your lives, invite them to do something together. If everybody agrees to a plan, you stand a better chance of harvesting favorable results.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)