DEAR HARRIETTE: My father has horrible time management. This has affected birthdays, trips and family reunions. My family is always a little harsh on each other and tells it how it is, so his lateness is brought up when he forces everyone to wait around for hours. He then gets irrationally angry. We try to make a joke out of this because he never apologizes for missing flights or dinners. He is inconsiderate, and when we try to get together, I think we have the right to berate him a little. My father's fits after we mention his tardiness usually start fights. I doubt he'll change his ways, but I just want him to apologize for being inconsiderate to everyone who actually showed up on time. Is there anything we can say to get him to be punctual? -- Late Dad, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR LATE DAD: Now is a time when you must practice acceptance. You know how your father is. He is consistent. While his behavior is rude, it is also a fact. You and your family may want to consider planning your activities differently. Since your father is unreliable, plan with the expectation that he will be late, but that you will no longer wait. So if you are having a group dinner at a home or a restaurant, begin at the time that it is scheduled. If he arrives hours late, he will have to fit into the flow of the event. You can tell him that dinner will be at 7. If he arrives at 9, he is welcome to join you for dessert. If he misses a flight, tell him he will have to join the group later because you will fulfill your scheduled activities with or without him.

The point is, you don't need to berate him. You need to live your lives. Instead of putting your lives on hold waiting for his arrival, flip the script.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went out of my way to send my friends birthday presents this year. We have just gone off to college, so I wanted to make everyone feel remembered by me. When it rolled around to my birthday, I received nothing but a handful of "Happy Birthday!" texts. I was so annoyed, I didn't respond to a few. I spent about $20 on each gift through purchasing, packing and shipping. I know other friends forgot about my birthday altogether, because they apologized to me a few days later. I sent out over a dozen packages and did not even receive a card from these people. Should I forgive them or realize they don't care about me? -- Brushed-Off Birthday, Baltimore

DEAR BRUSHED-OFF BIRTHDAY: Ever heard the saying, "You shouldn't give to receive?" Your effort to remember your friends fondly was lovely. It would have stayed lovely had you not attached invisible strings. That you went the extra mile to send them gifts does not mean that they thought about doing the same. You acknowledge that it was a big effort on your part. Not making a big deal of your birthday does not mean that they love you less. It means they didn't think to do that. Forgive them for not being you, and accept their love in the ways that they offered it. In the future, if you want to create closer connections as you grow up and live your lives, invite them to do something together. If everybody agrees to a plan, you stand a better chance of harvesting favorable results.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is the perfect traveling companion. She is flexible with schedules, always thinks of fun activities and travels lightly. The one thing I wish I could change about her is her refusal to even try to learn the language of the country we visit, typically Latin American countries. She insists on speaking English, and I find it a bit embarrassing. She claims everyone knows at least some English, but we've been proven wrong more than a few times. I want to get her to expand her horizons, but she seems to think English is the most universal language on the planet. Could I gift her Rosetta Stone for her birthday? -- No Language Barriers, Detroit

DEAR NO LANGUAGE BARRIERS: Try a different approach. Consider inviting your wife to take a language class with you. Suggest it as a fun activity for the two of you -- kind of like a date. Entice her with the romanticism of learning a language together. If you can make it seem like a fun bonding activity, she may consider it.

Beyond that, make sure that you have learned as much as possible so that you can manage communication for the two of you when you are abroad.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was on a plane recently and sat next to a man who had atrocious body odor. It wasn't an incredibly long flight, but I doubt this man knew how he smelled. I considered saying something to him, because I'd always want someone to tell me if I had an offensive odor. I ended up not saying anything because I was scared of how he'd react. I have told close friends if they smell of body odor, and they have always been grateful. However, this man was a stranger. What kind of relationship do you have to have with someone to point out body odor? I know I would be grateful if someone were to mention something like this to me. -- Stinky Stench, Boston

DEAR STINKY STENCH: It was wise of you to keep your comments to yourself during your flight. It would have been terribly awkward for you to be sitting next to him after making this revelation. That said, you could have requested a seat change. You could have gone over to the flight attendant privately and told him or her that your neighbor's body odor was making you sick to your stomach and that you need to move. Whenever possible, a flight attendant will try to accommodate such requests without causing anyone embarrassment.

In terms of letting the man know, the only way that I think you could have let him know is if you befriended him on the flight and asked, just before deplaning, if you could share something with him that is uncomfortable to discuss. With his blessing, you could tell him that you noticed he had an unusual odor coming from his body and you thought he might want to check it out, for health purposes.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I stayed at a hotel over the New Year's holiday and thought I was lucky to even get a room, considering the time of year. I was told that there were no additional rooms when I booked mine. When I got to my room, I was horrified. While it looked clean, it smelled horrible. Really, it smelled like homeless people had been camping out there. Now -- I am not meaning to disparage people who are homeless, but I also don't expect to pay top dollar for a hotel room that is rank. I didn't know what to do, given that I was told it was sold out, so I just sucked it up. But I'm mad. What should I have done? Is it too late to complain? -- Disgusted, White Plains, New York

DEAR DISGUSTED: I'm sorry you didn't speak up immediately. There may have been a cancellation or another room available, even though the agent told you otherwise. At the very least, you could have asked to have your room thoroughly cleaned before you occupied it. You also could have requested a refund or discount based on the inconvenience.

What you can do now is alert hotel management to your extreme disappointment with your room. You can write a note, naming the room number and including all of the details that you recall. At the very least, you will be informing them, but you may end up receiving a discount card for another visit. It is doubtful that you will receive a refund.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have loaned money to people over the years, and rarely has anyone paid me back. I was clear that these were loans and not gifts, but somehow that hasn't prompted them to give me the money. To be honest, I haven't followed up. Now I am in a pinch, and I could really use the money that is owed to me. What do I say to try to get it back? -- Friend in Need, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Be honest with your friends. Tell them that you are in a financial pinch and need help. Remind each of them individually that you loaned them a particular amount of money that they have yet to repay. Ask them to repay it now. It is unlikely that everyone will be able to respond to your request, but you can definitely make it clear that this is your hour of need. Ask your friends to give you whatever they can and to give you the balance as soon as possible.

If you end up short, you may need to expand your ask and actually borrow money from someone who is liquid. Just make sure you pay that person back. Also, know that when you loan money to someone, it is wise to consider it a gift -- for your own good -- because many people do not repay loans.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)