DEAR HARRIETTE: I stayed at a hotel over the New Year's holiday and thought I was lucky to even get a room, considering the time of year. I was told that there were no additional rooms when I booked mine. When I got to my room, I was horrified. While it looked clean, it smelled horrible. Really, it smelled like homeless people had been camping out there. Now -- I am not meaning to disparage people who are homeless, but I also don't expect to pay top dollar for a hotel room that is rank. I didn't know what to do, given that I was told it was sold out, so I just sucked it up. But I'm mad. What should I have done? Is it too late to complain? -- Disgusted, White Plains, New York

DEAR DISGUSTED: I'm sorry you didn't speak up immediately. There may have been a cancellation or another room available, even though the agent told you otherwise. At the very least, you could have asked to have your room thoroughly cleaned before you occupied it. You also could have requested a refund or discount based on the inconvenience.

What you can do now is alert hotel management to your extreme disappointment with your room. You can write a note, naming the room number and including all of the details that you recall. At the very least, you will be informing them, but you may end up receiving a discount card for another visit. It is doubtful that you will receive a refund.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have loaned money to people over the years, and rarely has anyone paid me back. I was clear that these were loans and not gifts, but somehow that hasn't prompted them to give me the money. To be honest, I haven't followed up. Now I am in a pinch, and I could really use the money that is owed to me. What do I say to try to get it back? -- Friend in Need, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Be honest with your friends. Tell them that you are in a financial pinch and need help. Remind each of them individually that you loaned them a particular amount of money that they have yet to repay. Ask them to repay it now. It is unlikely that everyone will be able to respond to your request, but you can definitely make it clear that this is your hour of need. Ask your friends to give you whatever they can and to give you the balance as soon as possible.

If you end up short, you may need to expand your ask and actually borrow money from someone who is liquid. Just make sure you pay that person back. Also, know that when you loan money to someone, it is wise to consider it a gift -- for your own good -- because many people do not repay loans.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day! I have been thinking a lot about Dr. King and his poignant messages about how to live together as brothers and sisters in our great nation and throughout the world. I was a student at Howard University when the March on Washington was organized by the Rev. Jesse Jackson and others in order to create a holiday in honor of this great man. I remember that my mother and my best friend from Baltimore, Todd McDaniels, came to D.C. and walked with me and thousands of other people, united in our belief that King's life's work should be lauded.

The struggle to claim this day for Dr. King was fierce. Many did not share the sentiment that his legacy deserved such acclaim. But thanks to the persistent effort of throngs of political and religious leaders as well as regular folk, we got it done.

And yet, it is far too easy to be grateful for a day off -- for those who get that -- and lounge around or do some other nonspecific activity. I challenge us all to make the conscious decision to honor King's words and work by invoking his memory. You can do this by reading his writings, watching one of the many films made to document his life and visiting the neighborhoods and streets that bear his name.

Better yet, you can decide to stand up for social justice causes. Years ago, Black Enterprise founder Earl G. Graves told me that sometimes we have to stand in harm's way in order to do the right thing. Given the heightened levels of racism, unnecessary murders of innocent people in our cities and growing presence of homelessness and poverty, there is plenty that we can stand up to support. The moment we are living in requires vigilance. We must pay attention to what's going on around us and not turn a blind eye when injustice rears its ugly head. We must be willing to speak up for those whose voices have been silenced. We can do this in so many ways, including in our neighborhood and community meetings, during family gatherings, by writing to our members of Congress and by writing to our media outlets. The notion of "when you see something, say something" is important. When you gather like-minded people to stand up for a cause, all the better. We have the ability to bring goodness, love and light to our communities and to help eradicate the evil and ignorance that lurk in the shadows. Dr. King fervently believed that it was possible to bring about lasting change by working together and fiercely claiming the goodness in others.

This was not just lofty thinking. Unfortunately, today it may seem so. Too many of our civil rights seem to be in peril. Too many people are being persecuted and often killed unjustly. This has to stop. I intend to study Dr. King's work more closely in an effort to look for guidance on how to proceed through the landmines that currently threaten the quality of life for all of humanity. What will you do?

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a counselor, and I have become very successful at it. My problem is that my friends believe that I should be their counselor, too. On a regular basis, I get calls from people I'm close to -- and people I know peripherally -- asking me to help them handle their personal and professional crises. Because of the way they start in, I don't always realize that it's happening. We could be in the middle of a conversation, and then suddenly they ask my opinion about several things. Then I realize they are actually trying to get me to coach them. This has become overwhelming for me in several ways, not the least being that since I am not officially their counselor I am not approaching the encounter as I would with a client. How can I get these people to either hire me for my services and make proper appointments or back off entirely? I do not feel like I am doing things properly now, and it makes me uncomfortable. -- Uncounsel, Pittsburgh

DEAR UNCOUNSEL: Be very professional when you speak to these friends and associates. Tell them that you feel uncomfortable providing them with counseling for their various challenges, because this is not the professional way to do this. As a professional, you feel obligated to work with them in a formal way -- that includes making appointments, establishing a plan of action and charging for your services. If they are unwilling to do that, tell them that's fine, but you are unwilling to continue with the ad hoc consulting. You will have to listen better to figure out when a friendly chat turns into an appeal for your professional services.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a small family. Most of us are close. But one of my siblings has kept her distance for most of my adult life. She is very condescending in her tone and acts like she doesn't like me and my other siblings much. It's more like she tolerates us. We all live in different cities, so the only way to communicate is by calling, texting or emailing. I have stopped calling her because she rarely calls me, and when I do get her on the phone, we barely have anything to say. I fear that we will lose touch altogether when our mother dies. She is the glue keeping us connected now. Should I feel bad about that? I have tried for years to forge a bond with my sister, but it really isn't working. -- Estranged, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR ESTRANGED: You could put it all on the line to her as you have done with me. Tell her of your fears. Implore her to make an effort to keep a connection with you and your siblings. Acknowledge that you feel like it's a one-way effort to date and that you would appreciate her choosing to stay close to you as well. Then see what happens. Be prepared for her to have little or no reaction, given your history. If that ends up being the case, at least you will have made the effort.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)