DEAR READERS: Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day! I have been thinking a lot about Dr. King and his poignant messages about how to live together as brothers and sisters in our great nation and throughout the world. I was a student at Howard University when the March on Washington was organized by the Rev. Jesse Jackson and others in order to create a holiday in honor of this great man. I remember that my mother and my best friend from Baltimore, Todd McDaniels, came to D.C. and walked with me and thousands of other people, united in our belief that King's life's work should be lauded.

The struggle to claim this day for Dr. King was fierce. Many did not share the sentiment that his legacy deserved such acclaim. But thanks to the persistent effort of throngs of political and religious leaders as well as regular folk, we got it done.

And yet, it is far too easy to be grateful for a day off -- for those who get that -- and lounge around or do some other nonspecific activity. I challenge us all to make the conscious decision to honor King's words and work by invoking his memory. You can do this by reading his writings, watching one of the many films made to document his life and visiting the neighborhoods and streets that bear his name.

Better yet, you can decide to stand up for social justice causes. Years ago, Black Enterprise founder Earl G. Graves told me that sometimes we have to stand in harm's way in order to do the right thing. Given the heightened levels of racism, unnecessary murders of innocent people in our cities and growing presence of homelessness and poverty, there is plenty that we can stand up to support. The moment we are living in requires vigilance. We must pay attention to what's going on around us and not turn a blind eye when injustice rears its ugly head. We must be willing to speak up for those whose voices have been silenced. We can do this in so many ways, including in our neighborhood and community meetings, during family gatherings, by writing to our members of Congress and by writing to our media outlets. The notion of "when you see something, say something" is important. When you gather like-minded people to stand up for a cause, all the better. We have the ability to bring goodness, love and light to our communities and to help eradicate the evil and ignorance that lurk in the shadows. Dr. King fervently believed that it was possible to bring about lasting change by working together and fiercely claiming the goodness in others.

This was not just lofty thinking. Unfortunately, today it may seem so. Too many of our civil rights seem to be in peril. Too many people are being persecuted and often killed unjustly. This has to stop. I intend to study Dr. King's work more closely in an effort to look for guidance on how to proceed through the landmines that currently threaten the quality of life for all of humanity. What will you do?

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a counselor, and I have become very successful at it. My problem is that my friends believe that I should be their counselor, too. On a regular basis, I get calls from people I'm close to -- and people I know peripherally -- asking me to help them handle their personal and professional crises. Because of the way they start in, I don't always realize that it's happening. We could be in the middle of a conversation, and then suddenly they ask my opinion about several things. Then I realize they are actually trying to get me to coach them. This has become overwhelming for me in several ways, not the least being that since I am not officially their counselor I am not approaching the encounter as I would with a client. How can I get these people to either hire me for my services and make proper appointments or back off entirely? I do not feel like I am doing things properly now, and it makes me uncomfortable. -- Uncounsel, Pittsburgh

DEAR UNCOUNSEL: Be very professional when you speak to these friends and associates. Tell them that you feel uncomfortable providing them with counseling for their various challenges, because this is not the professional way to do this. As a professional, you feel obligated to work with them in a formal way -- that includes making appointments, establishing a plan of action and charging for your services. If they are unwilling to do that, tell them that's fine, but you are unwilling to continue with the ad hoc consulting. You will have to listen better to figure out when a friendly chat turns into an appeal for your professional services.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a small family. Most of us are close. But one of my siblings has kept her distance for most of my adult life. She is very condescending in her tone and acts like she doesn't like me and my other siblings much. It's more like she tolerates us. We all live in different cities, so the only way to communicate is by calling, texting or emailing. I have stopped calling her because she rarely calls me, and when I do get her on the phone, we barely have anything to say. I fear that we will lose touch altogether when our mother dies. She is the glue keeping us connected now. Should I feel bad about that? I have tried for years to forge a bond with my sister, but it really isn't working. -- Estranged, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR ESTRANGED: You could put it all on the line to her as you have done with me. Tell her of your fears. Implore her to make an effort to keep a connection with you and your siblings. Acknowledge that you feel like it's a one-way effort to date and that you would appreciate her choosing to stay close to you as well. Then see what happens. Be prepared for her to have little or no reaction, given your history. If that ends up being the case, at least you will have made the effort.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother had a health scare over the holidays, and it really freaked my siblings and me out. We weren't sure what was going to happen to her. At the same time, we know how private she is about things, so we didn't tell many people what happened. So far she is doing OK, but she is not 100 percent yet. Now I'm wondering if we should have told more people. Only one of us lives in the same town as my mom. If her friends knew about her health condition, it might make it easier on my sister to care for her. Do you think we should broaden her support group by filling them in on what happened? -- Seeking Support, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SEEKING SUPPORT: In a word -- no. Unless your mother gives you permission to share her personal health history with her friends, you should not do so. Since you are concerned, it is perfectly fine to discuss the matter with her to see what makes her comfortable and to get a sense of what kind of support she believes she needs. But I would start by talking to your sister about what she feels she can manage in caring for your mother. If possible, you and your siblings should speak to your mother's doctor to learn what the recommended course of action is for the family and other potential caregivers. With all of this information, you can make an informed decision -- with your mother's blessing -- about next steps.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got duplicate gifts for Christmas from people I really love. Specifically, I got gloves that are identical except for the color. I want to take one of them back, but I'm worried that I will see both friends during the winter. I'm afraid that the friend who gave me whichever one I take back will be hurt that I am not wearing the gloves she gave me. But it seems impractical to keep both sets. I have plenty of other gloves, too. What should I do to avoid hurting my friend's feelings? -- Duplicate, Syracuse, New York

DEAR DUPLICATE: Why not return the gloves that you like the least and replace them with a matching hat? Then when you see the friend who gave you the returned gloves you can tell her that you swapped them for a hat since you were given two pairs of gloves. If you are honest about it, she should surely understand. Make sure you tell her how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness and that you hope she likes the hat. Tell her you will think of her whenever you wear it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)