DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother had a health scare over the holidays, and it really freaked my siblings and me out. We weren't sure what was going to happen to her. At the same time, we know how private she is about things, so we didn't tell many people what happened. So far she is doing OK, but she is not 100 percent yet. Now I'm wondering if we should have told more people. Only one of us lives in the same town as my mom. If her friends knew about her health condition, it might make it easier on my sister to care for her. Do you think we should broaden her support group by filling them in on what happened? -- Seeking Support, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SEEKING SUPPORT: In a word -- no. Unless your mother gives you permission to share her personal health history with her friends, you should not do so. Since you are concerned, it is perfectly fine to discuss the matter with her to see what makes her comfortable and to get a sense of what kind of support she believes she needs. But I would start by talking to your sister about what she feels she can manage in caring for your mother. If possible, you and your siblings should speak to your mother's doctor to learn what the recommended course of action is for the family and other potential caregivers. With all of this information, you can make an informed decision -- with your mother's blessing -- about next steps.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got duplicate gifts for Christmas from people I really love. Specifically, I got gloves that are identical except for the color. I want to take one of them back, but I'm worried that I will see both friends during the winter. I'm afraid that the friend who gave me whichever one I take back will be hurt that I am not wearing the gloves she gave me. But it seems impractical to keep both sets. I have plenty of other gloves, too. What should I do to avoid hurting my friend's feelings? -- Duplicate, Syracuse, New York

DEAR DUPLICATE: Why not return the gloves that you like the least and replace them with a matching hat? Then when you see the friend who gave you the returned gloves you can tell her that you swapped them for a hat since you were given two pairs of gloves. If you are honest about it, she should surely understand. Make sure you tell her how much you appreciate her thoughtfulness and that you hope she likes the hat. Tell her you will think of her whenever you wear it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I took my son to go ice skating the other day, and we ran into another family from his school. While the children skated, the husband and I got to talking. Quickly, the conversation turned to politics. It was an interesting conversation, but it was also really intense. We do not share the same political views, and both of us worked hard to defend our positions. Later, I wondered if that was appropriate. We solved nothing. I guess it was clear that both of us plan to vote, but I'm wondering what one should do in a situation like that. Should I talk politics with other parents at my kid's school? -- Not Mum, Denver

DEAR NOT MUM: I am all for people having as many conversations as they can about the political landscape, provided they are paying attention and are not just mouthing off. The stakes are high in the presidential race. Yes, the field is still broad, and there is no telling who will become our next president. But, given that the person will be the president for all of us, shouldn't we all have a stake in picking him or her? I think Americans tend to be far too apathetic about the political process. So my vote is for all of us to get educated about the issues and talk about what we are learning with one another. Let's become an informed electorate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have what seems to be a stalker on Facebook. This person has written me notes here and there over the years -- always direct messages that are pleasant in tone. I noticed over the holidays that there was a new message from her. I replied simply by saying "Happy New Year." What came next was a request to meet to talk about ideas. I have no desire to meet this person. Pleasant notes via the Internet do not make fast friendships. I don't want to be rude, but I truly have no time or interest in meeting up with her. How do I beg off gracefully? -- Crossing the Line, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: Be honest and upfront. Thank the person for the invitation but say you will not be able to meet. Be mindful not to put a time limit on this, because she can easily ask, "Well, when can you meet?" If you get that response, tactfully draw the line. Thank her again for her kind words, and tell her that you are sorry, but you will not be taking her up on her offer to meet. After that, you can stop communicating with her. If she continues to send you messages and they become disturbing, you can block her so that she can no longer visit your page. I would do that only if she becomes a threat. Your clarity about not meeting with her could be enough for her to back off.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My children are my pride and joy. I would do anything for them, and I'm trying to raise them to be the best they can be. Lately, however, I don't seem to have as good of a grip on things. My oldest child is a very good student, brings home straight A's and does what's expected of her. My youngest child isn't so "perfect." He wants to do as he pleases, he is satisfied with B's and C's and it's a miracle if something is done out of the kindness of his heart. I don't mean to compare my kids, but I just don't see where I went wrong with my second child. I constantly have to stay on top of him just for him to behave and bring home decent grades. He is more interested in singing than school, and he doesn't see the need for an education. I feel as if we aren't the closest, and I'd really like to feel connected to both of my children. How do I get him to see that there's more in life than just music? How do I get him to want to achieve more? -- Lost Mother, Los Angeles

DEAR LOST MOTHER: I think you need to adopt another strategy. Talk to your son about his dreams and aspirations. Learn what inspires him. Music doesn't have to be a dead end. Help him figure out how to make money living his dream. While you may be able to actually do only a little to help him, your interest in his pursuits will be invaluable. Every human being has his or her own interests and abilities. Your job as a parent is to guide his steps.

As hard as it may seem, you must also accept that not every person is a straight-A student, and that's OK. Try hard not to compare your children; instead, seek to nurture their qualities and help them figure out how to use them to support their lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend has gotten into serious trouble recently. I am wondering if I should remain friends during her time of adversity. She was caught shoplifting at the mall where I work. She wasn't arrested, but the mall cops told her not to come back. People know that we are friends, including the security guards. And she keeps asking if she can meet me after work to hang out, but I don't want to jeopardize my job. She has already come there a couple of times and waited outside for me, but one of the guards saw her and gave me a look. What should I do? -- De-Friend, Columbia, Maryland

DEAR DE-FRIEND: You don't have to end your friendship, but you do have to draw the line. Tell her that you don't want to have to stop seeing her, but if she continues to break the rules by coming to meet you at work, you will have no choice. She broke the law. You cannot allow her irresponsibility to jeopardize your job.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)