DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a six-floor apartment building. Recently, the fire alarms have been going off more than necessary, forcing everyone to exit their homes while the fire department assesses whether there is a fire. There never is. I suspect one of the new neighbors is pulling the alarm, but I cannot imagine why. I don't have enough evidence to make a legitimate claim, but they come home in the early morning (around 4 a.m. on the weekends), and the alarm is usually pulled by 5 a.m. This has been happening for almost two months, and I am sick of being roused when there is most likely no danger. When the fire department comes again, I want to tell my landlord or perhaps the firefighters my suspicions about the neighbors. I would disclaim that I know it's not concrete evidence, but worth looking at. Should I make this claim? These fire alarms are driving me nuts. -- No Fire, Queens, New York

DEAR NO FIRE: You have a legitimate concern. As a neighbor in the building, you also have a responsibility to speak up if you believe foul play is involved. One way to do this without getting personally entangled in the drama is to contact local authorities anonymously. You can call 311 and report the potential tampering with the fire alarm. When asked to share your personal information, you can decline, saying that you would rather be anonymous.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going through a divorce for the first time in my life. I still love my soon-to-be ex-husband, but certain aspects of our relationship make it impossible to stay together. Believe me, I've tried for years! My sister likes to check in on me and how I'm doing, which I am thankful for, but she says things that rub me the wrong way. She'll say, "I'm so happy you're over this and you can move on," or "This is great; everything is almost finalized, and you'll never have to think about it again." She went through a less-than-amicable divorce and seems to think this is the only way two people can split. I am still heartbroken that I am almost split from my husband, and I think my sister needs to be more sensitive. What should I say? A huge part of my life is ending, and she mistakes my kindness for me not being over my ex-husband. -- Different Divorces, Boston

DEAR DIFFERENT DIVORCES: You need to have a talk with your sister to let her know that her experience of divorce is very different from yours, and you think she is making assumptions about yours that are inaccurate. Explain that you are feeling vulnerable and extremely sad about this turn of events in your life. Tell her that it is not helpful for her to make the dismissive kinds of comments that she regularly offers. Ask her, instead, to simply check in to see how you are doing. Rather than making assumptions and comments based on those assumptions, perhaps she can listen and respond to what you actually say.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a man who lives in a mostly rural area. I tore my Achilles tendon and need help being driven to work and doing basic chores like collecting the mail and grocery shopping. Living next to me is a family with five children, and the two oldest children have been instrumental in keeping my life moving swiftly. They drive me, deliver my mail and get me groceries if I need (I give them my credit card to pay). I know their parents had a hand in prodding them to help me out, and I plan on giving them a thank-you letter along with some canned peaches from my earlier harvest. For the children, however, I would like to somehow pay them for how kind they've been to me. One is in high school, and the other attends a community college, and both have helped me. Would it be distasteful to pay them when I am healed? I wouldn't want them to think I thought of them as employees, but I know teens need some financial help. I would love to thank them in a way they'd appreciate. Do you think giving them each some cash would be an appropriate thank-you, or would it seem impolite? -- Grateful for Neighbors, Bumpass, Virginia

DEAR GRATEFUL FOR NEIGHBORS: Since your injury may take quite some time to heal, I suggest that you start your thank-yous early. Check in with the parents and tell them how grateful you are for their children's support. Express clearly that you would not be able to get through this without them. With the children, when they take you on errands, occasionally invite them to have a treat -- an ice cream cone or some other item that you can share while sitting and talking to them. In this way, you get to know them better, including their hopes and dreams. When you are fully healed and no longer need their help, write them thank-you notes and enclose a little cash. In your note to each, point out something that you learned about the young person and his or her aspirations for the future. Suggest that the monetary gift you have offered be used to help them toward their goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I plan on going on vacation in the springtime with my sisters and some of my cousins. I invited my mother on the trip, but she has a scheduling conflict with another event. My mother's boyfriend has said he'll come with us instead. He was never explicitly invited, and my mother told him he could take her place without consulting anyone else. He appears to be doing this to get closer to the family. Honestly, I do not want him coming, and most of the people on the trip have not met him. There is a big age gap: We are mostly young women, and he is a man in his 50s. I am not happy that my mother assumed he was invited on the trip, but now I have to get this entire mess untangled. I am considering saying the trip is canceled or calling it a "girls' family vacation." How can I get my mother's boyfriend off the vacation train? -- No Tagalongs, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR NO TAGALONGS: Start with your mother. Tell her you invited her for this special girls' trip and feel uncomfortable having her boyfriend join the group. Ask her to let him know. If she does not, you can tell him yourself that this trip is girls-only.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Occasionally, when I go to my local coffee shop, my order isn't made correctly, and I can't drink it. I have a very strong dairy allergy, and upon ordering, I always make sure that I ask for a dairy-free alternative twice when ordering, but sometimes I see the barista using regular milk for my drink. It's frustrating to me because I've said something before and have gotten dirty looks from the baristas. It is not my fault that they're messing up my order! I hate having to act like a hawk whenever my drink is being made, but I become timid when it comes to returning it. I have had to pay to get another drink made because the coffee shop does not own up to its mistake. I feel as though I have the right to get my order made properly, and I have not taken a sip of the coffee that was given to me anyway. How can I assert myself? Should I be reminding the barista that I am dairy-free as they are making my drink? -- Very Allergic, Chicago

DEAR VERY ALLERGIC: Don't trust the baristas with pouring your milk anymore. Order the coffee black, and request milk substitute that you put in yourself. Or, since you are highly allergic, carry dry creamer with you so that you are 100 percent sure of what you are putting in your beverage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father makes present-giving difficult for the family and me. He renounces presents that aren't homemade. I have painted, made elaborate pickles and even tried creating ceramics for him, but these days, I do not have the time to hunt down a creative project for every occasion I give him gifts. He does not make me homemade presents, but he expects everyone to put in hours of time to create him a present. Admittedly, some years were very fun to spend creating a gift, but I think there should be leeway as we get older. I do not want to upset my father, but we will not always be able to carve out hours for a present. Could I buy him a present with a handmade card? He has never liked store-bought presents my whole life, but I think it is time for a change. -- Store-Bought is Fastest, Annapolis, Maryland

DEAR STORE-BOUGHT IS FASTEST: Let me start by saying that spending a few hours creating a gift for your father shouldn't be a chore. Consider it a privilege. And refresh your thinking about what to give him. My sister started making digital calendars and mugs with family pictures on them. In this way, the family gets a record of the activities of family members over the course of the year. It is partially homemade and loaded with sentiment. Another idea is to write your father a note detailing the activities of the year and expressing your gratitude for reaching the turning point of another year. You can thank him for his presence in your life and express your love. That's called making memories.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)