DEAR HARRIETTE: I am engaged to the woman I love (and whom my family loves) and have been for about a year. Recently, my ex-girlfriend came back from Asia, and I have not been able to shake the feeling that I should see her. I have always thought of her as "the one who got away," and we broke up because her adventurous spirit did not match mine. We promised to reconnect after she was done traveling. This was roughly 8 years ago. I know I am engaged, but I would like to try to see my ex-girlfriend. I am not sure if she remembers our promise, or if this is a good idea. Should I try to reconnect with the one who got away? I am not sure if she feels the same way about me. -- Torn, Seattle

DEAR TORN: If your commitment to your fiancee is being shaken by the thought of your ex, then perhaps you should make plans to see her to figure out what you want to do with your life. The worst thing that you could do is marry your fiancee and later meet up with this woman and decide to leave your wife for her. Before taking any action, figure out where your heart is. That includes looking closely at the life you are building with your fiancee. What about it do you value? Can you envision having a family with her? If so, is it worth it to run after a phantom from your past? What do you imagine will happen if you reconnect with your old flame? If you feel like you have to find out, do so with haste. Make a decision quickly that respects everyone involved. Whatever happens, do not disrespect your engagement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends has very poor money-management skills. She spends a lot of her money online shopping and then laments how she only has $40 left to feed herself for the rest of the week. I have suggested she spend more time looking at her bank statements to see exactly where her money goes. I have also suggested only going out to shop, instead of having the convenience of online shopping, but none of my suggestions seem to work. I feel bad, but I refuse to lend my carefully budgeted money to her. She does not have a job and relies on her parents to give her money. She gets into fights with her parents about how she spends her finances. I want to help, but I cannot do much to help when she ignores my tips. How can I help my friend with money management? -- She's Broke, Atlanta

DEAR SHE'S BROKE: Simply put, you can't help your friend. She may have to hit rock bottom before she figures out how to be responsible for herself. As difficult as it may be for you, you must step back and let her live her life. You may need to create space between you two. Do not give her any money. She has to live her own life, no matter how painful it is for you to watch.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made mistake. I impulsively purchased a hamster with my friend; we were supposed to have "joint custody" of it. This hamster has been traveling back and forth from our apartments every few months, and I cannot believe how stupid I was to agree to this. The hamster smells, it is impossible to play with it and I definitely overestimated the lifespan of this animal. I brought up not taking the hamster back, and my friend got angry with me because I agreed to "raise" this hamster with her. It is just a rodent, and I feel she likes the hamster more. Is it rude of me to refuse to take the hamster back? I never signed a contract or anything, but I do not want my friend to be irreparably mad at me. -- Hamsterdam, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR HAMSTERDAM: Take a deep breath and calm down. The average lifespan of a hamster is 2 to 3 years, so your few months is a proverbial "drop in the bucket" in terms of how much longer you have left. If you are unwilling or unable to commit to that period, you need to have a serious conversation with your friend. You should not simply relinquish your responsibilities. While a hamster is a rodent, it happens to be a rodent that you agreed to protect and nurture.

If you feel like you cannot last the duration of the commitment, look for safe options. Do you have any other friends who might enjoy joint custody of a hamster? Since these are popular animals, chances are you can find someone who would be happy to help. If not, check in with your local pet store. You could also offer to watch the hamster in case of emergency but not on a regular basis. Work hard to work it out together -- while respecting the animal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my company since I graduated college a few years ago. I was offered a promotion and was very proud of myself. However, I have been receiving tense vibes from older employees at the company. I know they feel as though they should be receiving the promotion, but I know I stayed long days and nights building my reputation. My personal life has suffered, but they decided that their seniority makes them deserve this position. I plan on accepting the promotion, but I know it will change the workplace dynamic. Should I talk to the older employees who wanted this promotion? What should I say? I don't want to be disliked, but I feel as though I deserve my promotion. -- Movin' Up, Saratoga Springs, New York

DEAR MOVIN' UP: You definitely should NOT talk to the other employees about the promotion they did not receive. That would be insensitive. Instead, be humble and keep doing your job. If someone says something to you about the promotion, you can say that you are grateful for it and that you appreciate being part of the team. Don't talk about why others were passed over. No good will come of that. Just keep doing a good job and being kind.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student about to go through sorority recruitment. There have been a few events where I can meet the members of Greek organizations. I have tried to attend these events alone, but one of my friends regards me as an "expert" and insists on going to every event with me. I am not an expert in any way! I just feel comfortable meeting new people. I would like to get to know new people without someone clinging to me, but I am not sure if I am being overly sensitive. I would like to do this alone. Should I be mad at my friend for not understanding that I am trying to meet people alone? I try to not talk about my schedule, but she constantly springs up whenever she sees me walking down the hall. Should I ask her to stop tagging along, or should I feel some sympathy for her during this hectic time? -- Recruitment Woes, Pittsburgh

DEAR RECRUITMENT WOES: Be upfront with your friend. Tell her you know she is excited and probably a little nervous about the recruitment process, because you are as well. Add that you want to go to these events solo. This is what makes you comfortable as you are figuring out your interests. While she wants to go together, just make it clear that you care about her, but you do not want her to be your plus-one on this adventure.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My adult son constantly invites my husband and me to come to his music performances. He is independent now, but he seems to have held onto the elementary notion of wanting his parents to come to his shows. We have just moved four hours away, so we could theoretically see a weekend show, but this requires the funds and willpower. We have watched him play the flute for over 20 years, and as parents, we are ecstatic that he seems to have found his passion in music. However, he pouts and stomps when we tell him that we will not be able to make a performance. I have not told my husband how my son responds when I say we cannot come, so my husband assumes our son is all right with this change. How do I come clean to everyone about my son's exhausting behavior? He is much closer to 30 than 20, and he needs to let his parents off the hook. -- No More Shows, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR NO MORE SHOWS: It's time for you to share the burden of this experience with your husband. Tell him about your son's strong reaction to your absence whenever that happens. Talk openly with your husband about how you can remain supportive of your son while also giving him and you the space for him to be independent. Creeping closer to 30 can be a daunting time for some. Yes, your son should be able to live his life independent of yours, but if you have always supported his pursuits, not showing up now, after you have moved, may feel like a blow to him. Your job is to remind him of how much you love him, even as you put your foot down and say you can't come every time. Sadly, you did not confront his tantrums effectively when he was a child. You have to do it now.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)