DEAR HARRIETTE: I got the most baffling birthday party invitation I have ever received. My friend, in an effort to reclaim her youth, has decided to throw herself a 45th birthday -- at a strip club! I had no idea this was an option, let alone an appealing one for a birthday party. I am conflicted about whether to attend. I didn't expect the invitation to have an entire printed schedule, but just noting that we're celebrating youth at a strip club brought up some questions for me. Will we be dancing to reclaim our youth? Is the entire club rented out for this party, or will there be gentlemen at this gentlemen's club as well? Part of me wants to go to see the spectacle, but part of me worries this will be harmful to my reputation. Am I overreacting? Is it rude of me to ask questions to the host about the activities? I have never been invited to a party of this sort before, or even been aware they existed. -- Not Dancing, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NOT DANCING: Your friend is getting sassy, eh?! Good for her. And it's perfectly fine for you to feel apprehensive about it as well. Of course, you can ask her about the details of going to this club. You can probably look it up online, too. Some strip clubs are set up to have group parties and are largely benign events with a bit of dancing from the people who work there and tossing of dollars. It's only at seedier locations that more lewd behavior occurs.

Ultimately, you have to decide your level of comfort. If you choose not to attend, do not pass judgment when you decline. Simply tell your friend that you feel uneasy about stepping into a strip club, but you applaud her for having birthday fun.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker received a bouquet of flowers at work from her fiance a month ago. These flowers are long rotten, and I don't think she realizes the difference between "rotten" and "dried." The flowers are turning black, and the stems are shriveling up and causing an eyesore for the company and our clients. I have considered getting her a new arrangement of flowers myself, but assume this won't be cherished like the flowers from her fiance. Usually, people are allowed to decorate their desks as they please and no one comments, but you can tell from puzzled glances that these rotting flowers are drawing negative attention. I love to garden, so I was thinking of suggesting I use them as fertilizer or offer to teach her how to dry flowers so future flowers do not rot. I've been noticing our supervisor glancing at her desk, too, and figure if I step in before she gets a reprimand, it alleviates a lot of stress. Am I sticking my nose where it doesn't belong? -- Rotten Flowers, Not Rotten Intentions, Baltimore

DEAR ROTTEN FLOWERS, NOT ROTTEN INTENTIONS: Go to your co-worker privately, and tell her that her bouquet has gone bad and is now an eyesore. Suggest that she throw it away but hold onto the memory. If she balks, tell her you believe the rotten flowers are bad for business, and you know she wouldn't want that. If she wants to talk flowers, then you can add how to dry them, etc.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do not like to bring social media into relationships because I feel like it is a bit childish. However, my girlfriend has recently done something that bothers me. On a Facebook post, one of her ex-boyfriends commented, "I miss you." On that same post, one of my friends commented, and my girlfriend responded with a kissy face towards him. I tend to not read into social media too much, but my girlfriend is acting like she's single, especially on this post. She ignored the ex-boyfriend's comment, but I was still rubbed the wrong way that she didn't delete it. My girlfriend hasn't said anything about the post, and I haven't brought it up. I am not sure if I am being dramatic or have the right to be suspicious about the whole thing. Why is she being so flirtatious and leaving up messages from exes on her posts when she's dating me? -- Puzzled, Westchester, New York

DEAR PUZZLED: Rather than blowing this out of proportion, speak directly to your girlfriend. Tell her that her ex-boyfriend's post made you uncomfortable and that you don't know why she left it up -- or why she posted a kissy face at her friend. Tell her that it makes you feel like she is flirting with him, which disturbs you.

Ask her if she misses this fellow. Probe to see where she feels you two are in your relationship. This could be "innocent" flirtation with the push of a button, but without much thought. Or it could point to a bigger issue. Talk to her so you can find out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a professor who is driving me up the walls. He does not respond to emails and does not return papers. He makes us chase him down and is incredibly rude when I ask if I can come in during his office hours. He makes promises to me he does not keep, and is generally an unpleasant man. I will be his student until May, so I need to figure out a way to communicate with him. I want to make sure I do not snap at him. How can I ask him to respect my time by handing back my assignments and allowing me to meet with him? -- Lacking Respect, Syracuse, New York

DEAR LACKING RESPECT: If your overtures have not worked at all, you may need to go to your adviser or the head of the department for guidance. When you do so, be mindful that you are asking for help in order to build a relationship with the professor rather than tell on him. With intervention, you may be able to get an audience with him. If so, let him know how much you need his input in order to excel in his class.

While he may be angry at first that you went above his head, hopefully your eagerness to learn and grow in his class will inspire him to give you a little time.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Coming from a rainy city, I have always wondered how umbrella etiquette functions. I always carry a small personal umbrella with me, but I know that is not the case for everyone in Seattle. If I am leaving a building with someone and I see it has started to rain, I offer to share my umbrella. Sometimes this offer is taken up, but sometimes I am not very close with the person I offer to huddle under a tiny umbrella with, so they graciously decline. That leaves me at a crossroads: We are walking together and I am shielded from the rain, but the person I am walking with is not. Do I close my umbrella? It is not my fault the person is unprepared; however, I still feel bad walking with an umbrella when someone else is getting soaked. Do I not have to worry about other's preparedness and use my umbrella? Should I insist on sharing? -- Rainy Days, Seattle

DEAR RAINY DAYS: It is thoughtful for you to offer to share your umbrella, but there is no need to insist. Each of us must be responsible for ourselves. Yes, it may feel awkward, but your offer of generosity is what is thoughtful. As you know, sometimes putting two heads under an umbrella leaves both people wet. So don't push. Remain gracious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As I was going to an event with my sister, my boyfriend sent me a text saying he wishes I "tried" for him like I do for my sister. I explained that when I am with my older sister, who is extremely fashionable and skilled at makeup, she turns me into her project for the night. I am not as involved with shopping for fashionable clothing, and my feelings were hurt when he said I don't try to look nice for him. He never asked about what sort of effort I put into looking nice for him and just assumed I do not care about my appearance with him. Truth be told, I could try more when it comes to purchasing new clothing. I have two online orders of clothing on the way already; I do want him to feel proud to be seen with me. However, as far as hair and makeup go, I do not feel like he understands how much skill goes into makeup application and that getting ready for a woman is not as easy as he assumes. I was hurt because he decided I don't try instead of broaching the topic with me in person. How can I explain to him that although I do want him to be proud of being seen with me, he shouldn't make such bold and hurtful comments toward me? He doesn't understand why I'm upset. -- Really Trying, Denver

DEAR REALLY TRYING: Next time you are with your boyfriend, just be honest. Tell him that if you had your sister as a personal stylist, you would always look glamorous. But you don't. Acknowledge that you are making an effort to up your style presence, but it is not your forte -- and it definitely is not personal.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)