DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife's aunt is on the verge of passing away, and I need to know how to talk to my children about death. My children are 5 and 7 years old. I do not want to scare them, but I want them to have an understanding about death. I am not sure if they should attend the funeral. They have met their great aunt multiple times, but I am not really sure if they could handle the funeral or even understand what is going on. Any insight you have into this would be great. We've just told the children that Mommy's aunt is sick and in the hospital whenever my wife visits her. -- Talking About Death, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TALKING ABOUT DEATH: The mystery of death is hard to explain -- even to adults. Yet I firmly believe that we should not shield our children from it. More, we should teach them about it and have them participate. You may want to pull out photographs of your wife's aunt to show them. Ask your kids if they remember her. Tell them that she is not feeling well, which is why Mommy is visiting her. Ease in to the fact that she is an older woman who is not well and probably will be passing away soon. That means she will no longer be here to spend time with you, but that she will be in heaven -- if you believe in heaven. Explain that heaven is the place where people go to be with God. They are safe there, and they can watch over us from above.

If you do not believe in heaven, tell your kids that her body will die, but you will always remember her in your hearts. Show them pictures of other family members who may no longer be alive, and point out how you keep their memories alive by looking at pictures and telling stories about them.

Explain that when people die, there is a ceremony to celebrate their lives, and it is called a funeral. Tell them that some people are happy at funerals because they remember all of the great things about the person being celebrated, and others are sad because they miss the person -- and some people have both feelings. Let them know that they will be going with you to the celebration of the aunt's life when she dies, and it's OK to feel whatever they do. You will talk about it afterward.

Invite them to talk to you about their thoughts and feelings about death. Listen carefully, and answer as simply as you can to whatever they ask. The more at ease you are with explaining this aspect of life, the easier it will be for them to be at peace. Since death is a part of life, you should not pretend that they shouldn't know it yet.

There are many good books available that are age-appropriate and may be of help. Here is a link to several of them: childrensbooksguide.com/death.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, one of my co-workers was fired, and I'm finding it hard to keep going to work. He was my confidant, someone with whom I could complain about our supervisors, and a huge part of the reason I loved work. Now that he is gone, I don't know what to do. I can't follow him around in life, but I need to find something I love about work to keep me going. I lost my work sidekick, and without him, work is incredibly drab. How can I boost my spirits with this work environment shift? -- Man Down, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR MAN DOWN: It is time for you to focus on yourself and your goals. What do you want to get out of work? Can you figure out a path to getting a raise or otherwise improving the quality of your work? If you can come up with a plan for improving yourself, it may take the edge off of losing your friend.

On another note, you can decide to do good. During this season of giving, can you suggest a charitable activity that your company may want to adopt? By zooming in on others who are in need and figuring out ways to support them, you will likely come in contact with new team members, or at lease engage them differently. This can lift your spirits as well as the spirits of those around you.

Finally, you can stay in touch with your friend and schedule periodic "dates" to get together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a great experience at a career convention recently. One of the speakers said that your career path experience shows you where you want to be. This truly resonated with me and helped me in directing my career. For any readers or letter writers, if you feel lost in your career path, I recommend going to a career convention and looking at your past experience to shape your future. I was a wreck with picking what I wanted to do, and now I feel as though I have direction. Just a note of encouragement to lost readers! -- New Job Horizons, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NEW JOB HORIZONS: Thank you for sharing your good experience. As the year draws to an end, many people question what they are doing in their lives and if they are making the right decisions. You are absolutely right that a career conference can help you to figure out if there's something you should bone up on, if there is something else out there that you may not have considered and whether there are connections ready to be made to expand your pool of resources.

I strongly recommend networking -- when you are in a positive frame of mind. What you do not want to do is to go out into a business or social setting and complain about your shortcomings or doubts. Choose to be positive and to look for opportunity when you attend these functions. Resist moaning about what isn't working. Say what your hopes are. In this way, you can draw like-minded people to you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger cousin confided something shocking to me. While I was explaining my various exercise equipment, she said that she knew what ankle weights are because her mom makes her run with them on her ankles and wrists. My cousin is 9 years old and incredibly thin. I cannot believe this happens to my cousin, and she looked so upset as she was telling me. I didn't know how to respond, and we dropped the topic. This child wouldn't lie, but I haven't spoken to my aunt in years. I'm not sure how to react to this news. I do not want my aunt to make my cousin do this, but I also can't tell someone I haven't spoken to in years how to raise her daughter. What should I do? -- Poor Cousin, Dallas

DEAR POOR COUSIN: If you believe your cousin is in danger, say something. Since she expressed distress to you, there is a chance that she needs support. Given that you haven't spoken to your aunt in years, you will need to ease into communication with her. Call her or visit if you can, and let her know that you enjoyed spending time with her daughter. Build a rapport, and then tell her that her daughter told you about her exercise routine. Get her to talk to you about the routine that they follow. Tell her about your fitness regimen to open up the discussion. When you think she is hearing you, let her know that you think that weights on a young, thin child might be excessive. Stay in touch with your cousin. If you continue to be worried, ask another family member to intervene.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met my boyfriend's mother recently. The first interaction between us after introductions was her asking me what my major was. After I replied art history, she gave me a surly glance and said, "Good luck with that." I cannot believe how rude she was to me. I'd been seeing her son for months; he felt confident enough to bring me home, and his mother acted like a total snob toward me! She apparently thinks of art history as a lowly major, and she's also never worked a day in her life. I spent the rest of my time avoiding her because I have decided I deserve an apology for that, or I will not be in her presence willingly. I could never call his mother out for being a snob, but I might be able to talk to her about how I will be a historian and feel as though this is a respectable profession. Is it too soon to be confronting my boyfriend's mother? I do not want my major to become a running joke. He works in business now, and I plan on working as soon as I graduate college. -- All Careers, Rochester, New York

DEAR ALL CAREERS: Talk to your boyfriend about what happened, and get his perspective. Yes, it was rude of his mother to dismiss your major, but do not expect an apology. Let go of your anger. If you think you and your boyfriend have a future, you will need to create a relationship with his mother. You can start by talking to her about your dreams and plans for the future. Educate her rather than avoiding her.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)