DEAR HARRIETTE: I was expecting a package for a while, and eventually got it delivered ... by my sheepish neighbor, who had opened it! What? I was not here when he dropped it off on my porch, but he left a note saying, "Sorry, I thought it was for me -- Dave." I was so confused, and I couldn't believe he had opened my mail. Did he want to know what I was ordering? Was he so excited to get a package that he didn't look at MY name plastered on it? I am not one for confrontation, but I am definitely fuming. I want to march right over there, but I do not want to accuse him of anything. Maybe he did make a mistake, but my mail has the right to remain private! I'm worried about this happening again. Should I just leave his note with a response on the back on his door? I want to tell him to check his mail, and I'll check mine, too. -- Mail Bandit, Milwaukee

DEAR MAIL BANDIT: Take a few deep breaths and calm down before you do anything. Know that your neighbor could have opened your box and kept it without ever telling you of his error. While that would have been illegal, it happens all the time. Take your neighbor at his word. The next time you see him, thank him for returning the box to you. Tell him you are grateful that he figured out his mistake, and offer up that you both should be more mindful before opening the mail.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my good friends, Kate, and I finished working on an island for the summer season. As the season ended, we had a talk about how although we love each other, we could never be in a relationship without everything going up in flames. We are great friends to each other, and we keep in touch the whole year until we reunite for the summer season. This year ended any hopes that each of us had of being together. It feels like we always used to be each other's backups for life partners, but now that safety net has been cut. It's been a few months since this conversation, and I'm wondering if we made a mistake. On one hand, we get along well and feel a deep connection to each other; however, we are very similar and fight often. I don't want to string her along, but I always want to be close with Kate. Is there any way to do that without falling back into the talks of being in a relationship? -- Summer Season Love, Portland, Oregon

DEAR SUMMER SEASON LOVE: Ask yourself if you sincerely want to be in a relationship with Kate. In order to consider requesting more from her, you have to be sincere about giving this relationship a shot. If you are, contact her and tell her that you think you two made a mistake by putting boundaries around your bond. Tell her that you want to see what comes of you two as a couple. Ask her if she feels the same. The fact that you talked about it this summer suggests that one of you was already thinking about it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My step-sister has brought a different guy home for Christmas the past four years. I'm sure a new one will be coming again this year. My step-sister, Maggie, has gotten progressively more annoyed with the family for not paying as much attention as she would like toward her new boyfriends, but the holidays are a time to spend with family, not interviewing a man we'll never see again. We do not want to call out Maggie for her rhythm of bringing boys in and out; however, we need her to accept that this is not a regular family dinner -- this is Christmas! The first two boyfriends were definitely scrutinized, but we realized by the third that this was a tradition, so everyone lost interest. It is not my place to suggest that she bring no one and celebrate with family only, but complaining that the attention is not on her boy-of-the-season is ridiculous, and I'd like to call her out on it. What do I say? -- Holidays Are for Family, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR HOLIDAYS ARE FOR FAMILY: Out of love and respect for Maggie, reach out to her before Christmas. Admit that you know she is upset because the family hasn't spent as much time with her dates as they did a few years ago. Tell her the truth: that you consider Christmas a very special time, reserved for family. If she is serious about somebody she wants to bring into the family -- for real -- you may be able to rally the troops to vet him. Otherwise, it's not going to happen. The rest of the family wants to connect with each other, including her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After my mother got remarried to a religious man, the family has been expected to pray before each meal. I find that this is acceptable for religious holidays like Christmas and Easter, but otherwise it is awkward. I typically abstain from holding hands with the family because of how I was raised. My father is an atheist, and my mother never really discussed religion prior to meeting this man. I don't plan to discuss my religious beliefs with my new family, but I am wondering if it is rude of me to abstain from the prayers. If someone from a different religion were to come to dinner one night, I doubt they would be expected to pray. I celebrate Catholic holidays with them for the sake of not separating myself from the family. Is abstaining from the prayer disrespectful to my step-father, who is leading these prayers? -- Probably Not Praying, Syracuse, New York

DEAR PROBABLY NOT PRAYING: A few thoughts come to mind. For starters, talk to your mother. Ask her to help navigate this new landscape she has created. Beyond your mother, know that when you are in someone else's house, it is expected that you will follow that person's rules. Given your upbringing and relationship to religion, that can pose a problem. The simplest solution may be to be quiet -- to not recite the prayer, but not to balk either.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: This Christmas, I would like my girlfriend to celebrate the holiday with my family. I love my girlfriend, but I sometimes fear that she did not have as formal an upbringing as I did. My family has a five-course meal for dinner, which is preluded with a cocktail hour of sorts for mingling and hors d'oeuvres. I have never seen my girlfriend in a formal situation like this, and I do not want to scare her off by warning her. I think she has the right to be prepared. She has previously said that she finds people who are excessively formal with their families stuffy, but she understands that not all families are as close as hers. I know suggesting etiquette lessons is bold, but a book or online guide isn't as pushy, right? I just want her to make the best impression possible. She's a great girl, but she may need a little help this holiday season from etiquette masters. -- Charming Christmas Girlfriend, Atlanta

DEAR CHARMING CHRISTMAS GIRLFRIEND: You absolutely must tell your girlfriend that your family is that family, the one she gets skittish around, due to the formality. Assure her that your family loves each other, but they take the rules of the table and the whole sense of formality very seriously. Tell her that you are excited to welcome her to your family activities during the holiday and suggest that she might feel more comfortable if she has a sense of what she's walking into in advance. I don't think you need to suggest etiquette classes unless you plan to take them together. That could be fun! Shy of a formal class, can't you teach her what you know? Make it a date in advance of your family gathering where you walk her through everything you remember that you do -- from what to wear to which utensils to use when. Doing it together may take the edge off of any fumbles that will surely come.

You should also prep your family. Tell them you are bringing your girlfriend. Ask them to be kind to her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has told me the sky's the limit for Christmas presents this year. I am worried about why she is acting like this, especially since I don't think she has received a raise of any sort. I am not going to ask for demanding presents or truly reach this sky's limit, but I want to know where this spending attitude of hers came from. I feel like she cannot afford the presents she's trying to offer. I don't want her to feel responsible for making Christmas extravagant, especially when it does not have to be! I know many people are tempted to spend during the season, but I want to get to the root of this problem. How can I sensitively broach this topic with my mother? I do not want to appear suspicious of her finances. -- New Funds Attitude, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR NEW FUNDS ATTITUDE: Rather than spoiling your mother's effort to bring cheer to the holidays by interrogating her, get together with your siblings and agree to ask for modest gifts. Let your mother know that what is most important is that you spend time with each other.

When you are face to face with her, if she wants to talk about her extravagant thoughts, listen carefully. Otherwise, let it be.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)