DEAR HARRIETTE: My dream company didn't hire me, and I am furious. Apparently, the other woman who was up for the job against me is liked more by other people. I don't think likability should affect the job selection. I was also called a "steamroller," which I found incredibly offensive. I know I am the right choice for this job, and I want to apply again. I feel like my years of experience led me right up to this job, and the company did not hire me! When should I contact the company again? I do not want to give up and regret it later in life. -- Not a Quitter, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR NOT A QUITTER: You need to cool down before doing anything. Naturally, it hurts to be rejected, especially when you fully believe that you are the more deserving candidate for a position. A wise next step is to evaluate the feedback you have received. Do note that likability can be a factor in hiring. A company wants skilled staff who work well together. Getting along with others with ease can be a huge bonus. On the contrary, being the person who is perceived as not listening, but instead steamrolling his or her way through activities is not an endearing quality.

Spend some time considering how you might repackage your presentation of yourself before you apply for another job. This job, by the way, is unavailable. When you look elsewhere, present a refreshed view of yourself as someone who is eager to be a team player.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In the mix of work and family life, I've lost touch with a few good friends. We all live scattered across the country, and it's not so simple to see each other for lunch or on a whim. I'd like to visit, or invite to visit me, a friend I haven't seen in a few years. Although I know this is imposing, I'd much rather visit her in Atlanta than have her come to me so I can see Atlanta for the first time. Could I plan a trip and let her know I'll be in town if she has some time? My husband loves the idea, but I feel this could be an intrusion. The entire trip wouldn't be centered around her, but it'd be nice to see her once or twice. How should I go about seeing a friend without imposing and surprising her? I want this to be as pleasant and fun as possible. -- Flying to Friends, Washington, D.C.

DEAR FLYING TO FRIENDS: Your trip does not have to be an imposition, especially if you are not asking to stay with your friend. Reach out to her well in advance of your trip, and tell her you want to see her and her city. Reveal your idea of coming with your husband, staying in a nearby hotel, sightseeing and spending some time with her. Ask her if she will be in town at that time and if she will be able to make some time to see you. Remind her how much you miss her, and tell her you would like to reconnect in person.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I attended dinner and a silent auction for a charity and got involved in a silly bidding war. The money goes to charity, so I do not mind how much was spent, but at the end of the day, the bidding war was over a fresh box of gourmet cookies. I know my opponent through friends, and we were not sitting at the same table at the dinner. As I kept checking on my bids, I noticed that it was just the two of us bidding. I thought this was a silly, fun encounter, because she was drawing little angry faces next to my name on the sheet. I got the last bid in -- don't worry, it was not some absurd lump of money for cookies! -- and she was visibly upset when I walked up to claim them. I did not know she was taking this event so seriously; maybe she is very competitive, but I won the auction fairly. A few others picked up on this exchange between us and asked me what I was going to do when I see her again. An apology for this really isn't necessary, right? -- Fair and Square, Rochester, New York

DEAR FAIR AND SQUARE: The frenzy of a bidding war can drive up sales and also drive a wedge in relationships. While you won fairly, it would be thoughtful for you acknowledge that the two of you both wanted this item and you are sorry you couldn't both win it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I have a horrible habit that started years back -- I am sick of it. If we disagree about something over text, we will have a silent standoff until one of us caves and texts the other. The longest of these lasted over a week. I've been trying to get these to stop by texting first about how we should be adults, and my older sister's response is always about how she won this time. If there is a disagreement, we should settle it there instead of being so dang stubborn about who can withhold texting the other for the longest period of time. Do you have any suggestions on how to get this immature habit out of our lives? I am not sure what I can do anymore. -- Ignoring My Attempts, Salt Lake City

DEAR IGNORING MY ATTEMPTS: Call your sister and tell her that you want to propose a moratorium on texting. Suggest that the two of you speak to each other in person or on the phone, but you stop texting altogether for now. Tell her that you are not interested in the texting wars that have been going on for years, so you are not going to participate anymore. If you have a disagreement, call her and attempt to talk about it. If she texts you, do not respond. Pick up the phone. If she claims she "won," ignore that. You can also tell her what you want to win is being a loving sister -- not a fight over a text.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at a modern dance performance this weekend, and I loved the show. I even stayed for the Q&A with the choreographer and dancers afterward. Sadly, I cannot say I loved the entire experience: An old woman behind me was complaining loudly to her friends most of the time! She kept complaining about how she was expecting ballet, even though this group is known for being a medley of modern dance, jazz and ballet. Her yakking got much louder during the intermission, where I was hoping she'd leave this show she couldn't seem to bear. But no, she stayed. At one point in the second half of the show, her phone went off. Her cellphone rang at full volume, and she let it ring without silencing it. I almost turned around and went off on her, but I decided that blunder could be from old age and not mastering one's cellphone. However, I think she probably knew how to silence it, because when I turned around, she was smiling smugly at her friends. I know she's my elder, but this behavior was so rude to me and everyone trying to watch the show. Should I have reprimanded her? -- Etiquette School, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR ETIQUETTE SCHOOL: Though this woman was definitely in the wrong for loudly and negatively talking about the performance in the midst of it as well as allowing her phone to ring, you did the right thing by keeping your lips zipped. When people behave in such an inflammatory way, they are often prime for a more explosive argument if anyone dares to challenge them. Her complaints could have escalated if you had been drawn into the discussion.

So while she was wrong, you were right in ignoring her to the best of your ability. The staff who work at the theater are responsible for keeping order. What you could have done is to go to one of them at intermission and let them know that the woman was being disruptive.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was walking through New York City and encountered some girls doing henna in a park for $3. I've always loved henna, and I had them do a design on my fingers. Later in the day, I was told I was appropriating Indian culture and that my henna is disrespectful. A complete stranger told me this in a coffee shop! I said I was just trying to support the girls and get a fun design on my hand. I had always thought that bindis were the offensive appropriation and would never consider wearing one. However, I am wondering if my new henna designs are causing me to be judged. I believe I am appreciating the culture, and I would never claim the rights to henna. The designs will be on my hand for a few weeks, and I need to figure out if I've made an offensive faux pas. -- Henna Hand, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR HENNA HAND: While the application of henna is part of Asian culture, it has become very popular globally. That you supported the girls in the park who were offering to do henna was a thoughtful action. If you are asked about it while the henna remains on your hands, feel free to share what happened. Your intentions were good. It is a good idea to learn about the practices of other cultures before you adorn yourself with their traditions.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)