DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother has special needs, and he recently graduated from a special school that trained him to be able to do a simple job to make some money for himself. My family had a big celebration for him when he graduated; my mom invited around 60 people, and everyone brought him gifts and cards.

I am incredibly proud of my brother because this is a big step toward his independence. However, as I have grown older, I realize that I have begun to resent events that my mother insists on throwing for my brother. I never received any parties in my honor, other than small birthdays. He's had parties for passing medical criteria, graduating from middle school, adapting well to new medication, huge parties for every birthday and now this graduation. I feel as though none of my accomplishments are ever celebrated or even recognized.

I know this sour attitude is petty, and I should get over things that happened when I was a teenager. But we did not even celebrate my graduation from college. How can I move on from this and celebrate my brother wholeheartedly? I know we are different and that parts of life will be harder for him, but I have a grudge against him (and my mother, who throws the parties) for being the celebrated one in the family. -- Can't Let Go, Cincinnati

DEAR CAN'T LET GO: I bet you have never spoken up to say anything to your parents about this oversight. Too often when one child needs extra care, parents focus their attention on that child while inadvertently neglecting the other children in the family. The intention is good, but the execution falls off. Chances are, your parents think of you as self-sufficient, and therefore a party is not necessary for you.

You have to say something. Tell your parents the truth: that you have felt like an oversight. Without dumping on them, let them know that you would like to be acknowledged for your successes. By letting them know how you feel, hopefully without anger but with compassion, you can forgive them and your brother for not providing you with all that you have desired.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I woke up to a disturbing text from a friend I haven't seen in a while. It said: "I woke up sober for the first time in a long time, and I forgot how good it felt." After asking a few more questions, I discovered that she had partied every night of the past month. I had no idea someone could function like this! I am not much of a partier at all, and I could never even imagine waking up and still being drunk.

I do not live in the same state as she does, and I am completely at a loss on what to do about this. Should I visit her as part of an intervention? Do I direct her to her family or to church? I've never dealt with something like this before. -- Not a Partier, Laredo, Texas

DEAR NOT A PARTIER: Thank her for being honest with you. Ask her if she thinks she needs help. Suggest that she go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting so she can talk to other people who struggle with alcohol.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I admit it. I snoop sometimes. My most recent snooping was looking at my sister's online messaging conversation with her boyfriend. I was shocked by what I found. Her boyfriend was verbally and emotionally abusing her. He says she's worthless and stupid, and he calls her vulgar names. He's even been telling her to steal money and food from our parents to bring to him, which I believe she does.

I cannot believe I didn't see this before in their relationship. Admittedly, I haven't spent much time around them. I don't know where to go from here. I want to address this with my sister and maybe my family, but I don't want to get into trouble for looking through their messages. He's been manipulating her into stealing from us, though! He needs to get out of her life ASAP. -- Caught in a Bad Romance, Saginaw, Michigan

DEAR CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE: Here's a time when your crossing the line may help to save your sister's life. Go to your sister and talk to her. Check in with her to see how she's doing and if she will be forthcoming at all about what's going on with her and her boyfriend. Be prepared to tell her what you read.

Start with an apology. Explain that you violated her trust by reading her texts, but since you did see them, you feel that you have to say something to her. Tell her you are worried about her and the way that her boyfriend talks to her. Express your concern that she is stealing from the family. Ask her what you can do to help her.

Before speaking to her, I recommend that you tell your parents. Though your sister will be extremely upset, this seems like a time when she will need a tremendous amount of support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year, my senior year of high school, a girl got pregnant. I was friendly with her, and I attended her baby shower. Now the child is about to turn 1, and she has sent out a Facebook invitation for the party. Barely anyone can attend because we left our hometown for college, and she did not.

I responded by saying I could not come, as did dozens of other people, and she has begun personally messaging us and demanding a reason why we can't attend. It is not our fault that her decisions led to her staying behind and having no one to attend this birthday party! She probably feels alone, but I can't be expected to drop everything in my life and drive hours back home to go to this party.

I've heard that you don't stay friends with everyone from high school, but I can't believe it is happening so quickly. I feel bad that she does not get to have the typical college experience, but then again, she chose to keep her child when she was 18. Am I making the right choice by not going back home for this infant birthday party? -- Not Babying a Friend, Rochester, New York

DEAR NOT BABYING A FRIEND: If you cannot attend, that's real. You can send her child a gift and sincerely wish her and her baby well. When you do go home to visit, be sure to make time for her. She is feeling isolated and rejected. What she needs is a reminder that she is loved even though she chose a different path.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for a company that provides little opportunity for growth and innovation. It frustrates me because I have some ideas that can really help streamline my company's productivity. I am hesitant to share my ideas because upper management has shot down so many ideas from previous employees. I think my ideas will be helpful to the success of the company. Do you think I should share my ideas even if upper management says no? --Progress to the People, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR PROGRESS TO THE PEOPLE: Don't let others' failures keep you from making your best effort. As you prepare your productivity pitch to present to upper management, pay close attention to what interests them. Notice when they seem interested. What topics grab their attention? What do they value?

As you assess these things, craft a presentation that keeps upper management's style, interests and concerns in mind. Make sure you have concrete stats and projections to back up your thinking. And, by all means, make your presentation short.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been attempting to arrange a visit with my sister for a few weeks now. I haven't seen her in a while, and I feel as though my effort is incredibly one-sided. We've been spending less and less time together, and I would just like to spend a day or weekend with her! But whenever I ask her what's good for her, she says she'll "tell me when she knows" or that she'll "get back to me." Is she trying to avoid me?

We haven't had a fight or disagreement of any sort. I just want to spend some time with my sister, and I feel like she's dodging me. She could come visit me too, and the only reason I've been proposing to come to her is because she lives in a bigger city and she wouldn't have to travel. What else can I do to get her to care about seeing me? -- Little Sister Is Trying, Salt Lake City

DEAR LITTLE SISTER IS TRYING: Even with family, you cannot force people to be close. Your efforts are great. You may want to go one extra step. Ask your sister if there is a reason that she seems to be avoiding you. Yes, it's time to be direct.

Express your frustration. Tell your sister that you have tried many times to connect with her, but that you feel she always blows you off. Probe to find out if something happened that you don't know about that created a wedge between you. Ask if she would rather visit you than have you come to her. Ask if she wants to maintain a relationship with you.

This may seem weird given that she is your sister, but it's time to stop making assumptions. Tell her that you are going to stop asking to see her if she continues to blow you off. Yes, that may be hard, but eventually you need to stand up for yourself. You can check in with her periodically, but stop the desperate pleas for connection. Your distance might actually wake her up.